Lakewood peer pressure

amother

Papaya

Sun, Jul 15 2018, 11:42 pm

amother wrote:

Gimme a break. Every neighborhood has their drop dead dressers.

I feel sorry for you (to the point that I almost cant believe any husband talks like that, and my DH is faaaaaar from perfect), because his vomit inducing words would be hurtful to almost any wife, even the most confident drop dead gorgeous dressers, and your husband has serious issues.

Yes, they were hurtful and they were wrong, and I know and he knows it and has been trying everything to get on my good side again...

He's not a total jerk the vast majority of the time. Really not.

So don't go and tell me to divorce him or get therapy or yada yada. I know the whole imamother spin.

amother

Ruby

Sun, Jul 15 2018, 11:47 pm

amother wrote:

In all my years Ive been on, I never once gave marital advice and I wont start now.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Jul 15 2018, 11:48 pm

amother wrote:

And amother, I agree with you -- a woman is allowed to look nice. But when the sheitel is too long, the skirt too short and the shirt too tight, there's a problem. It may not be YOUR problem, baruch Hashem, but in Lakewood, I do think it is a common problem.

Yes, I will 100% agree that there is a problem when women dress that way, and yes, you will unfortunately see some of that in Lakewood. But the way you phrased it was "Can't you dress down a bit?" I think that's just the wrong way of putting it. I don't dress down, because it's important to me to look nice. But it is also important to me to look nice in a modest way. I don't think it's the "dressing up" that's the problem (because honestly, for every dressed up woman in Lakewood, I think you'll see another one dressed more comfortably), but dressing up in a provocative, immodest manner. That is for sure disturbing to see, especially in Lakewood.

amother

Papaya

Sun, Jul 15 2018, 11:49 pm

amother wrote:

You're 100% right. I apologize for not choosing my words wisely. (Think it runs in the family???) Tongue Out

amother

White

Sun, Jul 15 2018, 11:50 pm

amother wrote:

Let me put it this way.

DH called me up a few weeks ago after spending the day in Lakewood, telling me that Lakewood women are so well-dressed and attractive, and that he was totally turned on.

He got the cold shoulder for a good long while until he apologized for acting like a jerk.

But seriously Lakewooders: Can't you dress down a bit instead of being on the runway every time you step out of the house?

As I heard from a secular boy once: Frum girls are hot!

That's not how it's supposed to be.

Just because we frum women have the skills to know how to dress, doesn't mean we should use them to entice men we aren't married to -- whether intentionally or not.

Wisdom is using your beauty skill to look sweet, presentable, and MODEST. Not drop-dead-gorgeous-would-ya-look-me!

Dh really told you he was turned on by all the lwd women?! How stupid is that?

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Jul 15 2018, 11:51 pm

amother wrote:

I really hope that no one will make assumptions about your husband or offer marital advice based on one comment that was inappropriate. No one's husband is perfect. I'm glad he realized he overstepped his boundaries there.

amother

Ginger

Sun, Jul 15 2018, 11:52 pm

amother wrote:

Gimme a break. Every neighborhood (even Villiamsburg) has their highly attractive drop dead dressers.

I feel sorry for you (to the point that I almost cant believe any husband talks like that, and my DH is faaaaaar from perfect), because his vomit inducing words would be hurtful to almost any wife, even the most confident drop dead gorgeous dressers, and your husband has serious issues.

Wow of all the posts I’ve seen on this site, this is a different level.

Sounds very defensive at best.

amother

Papaya

Sun, Jul 15 2018, 11:57 pm

amother wrote:

Dh really told you he was turned on by all the lwd women?! How stupid is that?

Totally stupid. He got the first cold shoulder he's had in roughly a decade of marriage. And he knows why. Oh, he knows why!

amother

Ginger

Sun, Jul 15 2018, 11:57 pm

I think there’s also a fine line between dressing well and looking overdone as another poster put it. You can wear casual clothing with class. I don’t mean sweatshirt and snood. But going to the other extreme just ends up looking ridiculous. You’re not a character on gossip girl. And this is coming from someone who may be one of the people you’re referring to. So I guess that’s just my two cents.

amother

Ruby

Mon, Jul 16 2018, 12:10 am

amother wrote:

Dh really told you he was turned on by all the lwd women?! How stupid is that?

I have never given marital advice, but Id definitely

1- Call my husbands Rov and told him. DH would never forget it. This guy is really as shallow and insensitive as they get (if that post is real).

2- Id tell DH about all the men I fantasized about since were married, and analyzed what turned me on, in each case.

amother

Ruby

Mon, Jul 16 2018, 12:15 am

amother wrote:

Wow of all the posts I’ve seen on this site, this is a different level.

Sounds very defensive at best.

A guy telling his wife he got turned on by a bunch of well dressed women? Whats he been eating? Whats he been watching? So wrong on so many levels. Cmon.

amother

Ginger

Mon, Jul 16 2018, 12:19 am

amother wrote:

A guy telling his wife he got turned on by a bunch of well dressed women? Whats he been eating? Whats he been watching? So wrong on so many levels. Cmon.

No one is agreeing with what he did. I just wonder if you read what you write and think twice before posting. Actually I don’t wonder, because you obviously don’t.

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Jul 16 2018, 12:22 am

amother wrote:

... I don't think that "tit for tat" is a mature response, and definitely not a helpful one in marriage. PP's husband said something inappropriate, and she let him know she was unhappy about it. Embarrassing him in front of his Rov, or trying to "get back at him" is childish behavior, and it's not the right way to show someone the error of his ways.

amother

Ruby

Mon, Jul 16 2018, 12:22 am

amother wrote:

I go to Lakewood often, and I seelots of long sheitels, which I see in Chassidish BP too, but I never see tight or short skirts in Lakewood (or BP).

Mommyg8

Mon, Jul 16 2018, 1:50 am

I think it's that Lakewood skews very young, and that's really all it is. Young women are pretty (says this middle aged woman). But I'm just wondering where your dh was. Because different parts of town definitely, definitely dress differently, but also, women don't really walk around too much. Most women here are working -- perhaps that's what you're talking about? Because women usually dress up to go to work -- and that's everywhere.

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with women dressing well, if they're tzniusdik (Which I would imagine they are).

LovesHashem

Mon, Jul 16 2018, 2:08 am

amother wrote:

I am someone who likes to "dress up", I guess you could say. I like to look nice and put together and feel good about myself, and my husband likes it, too. This means I am usually wearing a nice outfit, and nice pair of shoes, matching accessories, makeup, and a sheitel. My sheitel is not long and glamorous. I wear a fair amount of makeup, but it is not overwhelming and bright. My outfits are classy and tasteful, not too tight or calling "look at me!" There is definitely a line that is sometimes crossed, when women dress too provocatively out in public. But I don't think you can be upset at other women for dressing nicely. Why should I dress in a snood, zip-up and slinky skirt just because you do? I think it's between each husband and wife to figure out a balance of how they prefer her to dress.

I am like that too.
I personally don't wear slinky skirts and very casual clothing as I think it's not tzniyus, but that's my view on tzniyus and I don't impose that on others.

Although I don't wear a sheitel most of the time, I usually wear scarves, as do many women who look put together in Israel do. I match up my scarves to my outfits...

amother

Mauve

Mon, Jul 16 2018, 4:38 am

Everyone is busy trashing the op's husband. Although it may have been in bad taste, there was definitely something to the comment he made, let's not all dig our heads in the sand. I grew up in Lakewood, don't live there now, and go back from time to time to visit. I am literally shocked anew each time I go back there. I'm not quite the neb myself. Let's not all reference the snood-sneaker wearing women there will always inevitably be. The way even the even yeshivish-considered woman go out on a daily basis to work or wherever is something that has never been seen before. The being dressed from head to toe so just and perfectly, it's not something that can be put down in words, because then you all just rip apart every two words written. It's an attitude, atmosphere, culture, call it what you want, but there is def something off with the way every woman feels they need to out like on a daily basis. Those that want to see and admit to it will, and those that automatically get defensive always will, and there may be something under that defensiveness...

LovesHashem

Mon, Jul 16 2018, 4:57 am

I do think peer pressure is kind of irrelevant.
I mean, peer pressure affects kids very much, but aren't we all adults here?
Will all your friends really drop you if you buy 10 dollar shirts at marshalls?
Like seriously, if those are your friends, you need to find new friends.

Like I said, I dress up pretty put together, and some of my friend do, and some of my friends wear slinky skirts and sneakers and others don't know anything beyond what mascara is. Were all still friends, and the latter tolerate my makeup and accessories obsession even if they don't get it and it doesn't interest them.

amother

Ruby

Mon, Jul 16 2018, 5:44 am

Peer pressure as in keeping up with the Kleins and Schwartzs spending habits, in Lakewood?

Thats laughable.

Besides for a tiny minority of very wealthy, very fashion conscious big spenders in Lakewood, most Lakewood women just put themselves together very well with clothing they find in Marshall's, or online, etc, trendy within Tznius guidelines, reasonably, and spend for an entire season's clothing what many BP women, even the senior crowd wearing comfort shoes, consider normal and easily spend on ONE or two items in Taubers.

Theres a different philosophy and outlook in regard to spending in Lakewood and in BP.

By and large, the Lakewood senior crowd wearing comfort shoes, would never be caught dead shopping in Taubers and spending those prices for every day clothing.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Jul 16 2018, 6:35 am

amother wrote:

Peer pressure as in keeping up with the Kleins and Schwartzs spending habits, in Lakewood?

Thats laughable.

Besides for a tiny minority of very wealthy, very fashion conscious big spenders in Lakewood, most Lakewood women just put themselves together very well, trendy within Tznius guidelines, and spend for an entire season's clothing what many BP women, even the senior crowd wearing comfort shoes, consider normal and easily spend on ONE or two items in Taubers.

Theres a different philosophy and outlook in regard to spending in Lakewood and in BP.

By and large, the Lakewood senior crowd wearing comfort shoes, would never be caught dead shopping in Taubers and spending those prices for every day clothing.

Lakewood is not the old lakewood your talking about.
I've been to a few areas for the summer, I have 2 siblings there. There is peer pressure. 1000%
Yes there is peer pressure in bp as well. Lakewood has a peer pressure that stands out because they live very close to each other in developments.