How do you all do it??

amother

Orchid

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 10:08 pm

gold21 wrote:

Perhaps hire help ... at least two mornings a week. Have her watch your baby while you're around the house but doing other things- showering, resting, etc. If she isn't someone you feel comfortable with within a few weeks, look for someone else... until you find the right person for you. Since you'll be around the house the whole time, you can slowly adjust to having her care for the baby, a little at a time, until you're totally comfortable with her.

Depending on the going rate in your area, the cost for this would vary. Assuming it's $12 an hour, and you have help twice a week for 3 hours each, that would run you $72 dollars weekly. Not exorbitant.

Good Luck!

OP said that she went back to work full time.

gold21

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 10:14 pm

amother wrote:

OP said that she went back to work full time.

In her OP, she mentioned that she has considered taking daytime help but is hesitant to entrust her baby to a stranger. So it seems like it's a possibility for her, however that works out. I definitely encourage her to go ahead with it and hire someone, if that works for her.

chanchy123

Wed, Jul 25 2018, 1:35 am

simcha2 wrote:

It's hard. But don't make it harder.

-Your baby will be ok in the crib for a few minutes while you shower.

- I know it's cliche, but sleep (or rest) when the baby is sleeping. If that means lying down for half an hour at 6pm, do it.

-don't worry about what your baby will be wearing in a few weeks! That's what Amazon 2 day delivery is for. (And remember that's for you, she'll be perfectly happy in a stretchy).

-don't expect to feel like yourself until 3 months (or for some women much longer). Not meeting expectations feels like failure, so change the expectation!

-try and enjoy!

Mazal Tov and much nachas.

Can't like this post enough. Great advice.

OP - the answer is most of us moms don't do it all. We prioritize and do our best.
Going back to work when your baby is that long is HARD.
You are totally normal. It will pass sooner than you know it.
And don't wait up for your husband. Try to have quality time with him in early mornings and Shabbat.
I think the most valuable thing I learned raising my babies is that it is ok if they cry for five minutes in their cribs while I shower or go to the bathroom. As long as they are in a safe place.
You are really just post partum cut yourself as much slack as you can.

salt

Wed, Jul 25 2018, 1:57 am

OP mazal tov.
Could it be that your expectations are too high - I mean you are making very high standards for yourself?

eg. a 2 month old baby does not need yom tov clothing. They do need clothes that fit them, but no need for special shopping - you can leave that stress till she's a teenager Smile

You should push yourself to trust someone else to take care of your baby every now and then. Find a trustworthy recommended teenage babysitter. You will find it gives you a lot more freedom. Teenagers like to make bit of money, and be"h your baby will be fine.
This could be either for you to take a nap after work, or to go out with DH one evening.

Good luck. It does pass!!!

lucymaud

Wed, Jul 25 2018, 6:05 am

amother wrote:

I can't even take a shower until he's home to babysit. I'm going to sleep at 12-1 every night and then getting up every 2 1/2 hours. It's hard!

Yes you can have a shower when he's not home. Just put the baby on a blanket near the bathroom. Newborns don't crawl. Also you need to sleep when the baby sleeps at night- it doesn't matter what the house looks like. 12 is too late to go to sleep.

krembo

Wed, Jul 25 2018, 8:11 am

At 6 weeks, with my first, I had to go back to work and I was so exhausted and shaky. I started putting the baby in bed with me, in a snuggle nest, so that I didn't have to get out of bed to nurse in the night. It worked for us. I remember crying with relief that first morning when I woke up and realized I had slept for 4 hours straight. I know there are people who say this isn't safe, and it may not be the right thing for you. Just sharing what worked for me (and I did it with all my kids).

Please make sure you tell dh how you're feeling and that you can't manage. Mine was well intentioned but clueless. Going through birth is tough, then being up all the time with the baby is exhausting, but he doesn't experience that and needs to be told explicitly that things have changed and he needs to pitch in more. Every night, my dh was peacefully sleeping through the night while I was up all night with the baby, because I didn't want to make him tired for learning. I realized things had to change because there was no way I could keep functioning. Dh can do shopping, laundry, dishes, anything like that. You just focus on resting and being with your baby, forget about all the household stuff. If he's not willing to take on a lot more household responsibilities, then you need to get paid help.

amother

Linen

Wed, Jul 25 2018, 9:00 am

I either left my baby sleeping for 10 minutes while I showered or I brought the car seat into the bathroom and made sure the baby wasn’t covered with a blanket in case the room got too hot. Not worth waiting for dh to come home at that late hour.

Newborn stage is hard and not sleeping is excruciating .... but as hard as it is to believe, the newborn stage really does pass fast and before you know it you wish for another newborn again!

gold21

Wed, Jul 25 2018, 10:06 am

krembo wrote:

I agree about cosleeping. I know it's not officially recommended, but it's the only way I survived all the newborn stages I've been through with my sanity still (barely) intact. Just don't sleep with a blanket- very dangerous. I slept with a cotton sheet if I felt like I needed to pull something over myself. No heavy blankets in bed with a baby. Good Luck!

amother

Emerald

Wed, Jul 25 2018, 10:40 am

amother wrote:

How do people do this with multiple children?

I know this doesn't help in the here and now, but as one poster mentioned, it gets easier.

The first baby, not sleeping turned me into a grouchy monster.

The second baby, I was tired, but not completely overwhelmed.

By third it was drastically easier.

With my fourth, waking up in middle of the night is no biggy.

Believe it or not, the body gets used to it.

gold21

Wed, Jul 25 2018, 10:50 am

amother wrote:

Lol, so funny cuz I had the reverse... gets harder for me as I get older... I'm not 21 anymore... etc.

HeartyAppetite

Wed, Jul 25 2018, 12:40 pm

Take a shower while baby is sleeping. Go to sleep at 9, and let dh feed the baby at 12. Then the next feed you could do. Like this you will get at least a 5-6 hour stretch. It shouldn’t make you get your period by just skipping one feeding. Hugs, it’s really hard, but it does get better. Eventually when baby gets a little older she should give you at least a 4-5 hour stretch at night.

amother

Blush

Wed, Jul 25 2018, 1:30 pm

Who watches your baby while you're at work? You say you're afraid of hiring outside help so I'm assuming you work from home?

Would it be so terrible to take a year off from work? Can you live on less? The way things are right now sounds way too overwhelming. Your sanity comes first.

someone

Wed, Jul 25 2018, 1:34 pm

HeartyAppetite wrote:

This. And hold in there, it gets easier. This stage is all about just putting one foot in front of the other, getting through each day.

ggdm

Wed, Jul 25 2018, 1:55 pm

Everything besides nursing can be done by DH or any other person. Or it can wait. Don't clean, live on bread and cheese or takeout, do minimum laundry, whatever. Who cares? Sleep is more important.

Take turns with DH at nights. Either pump and he gives your milk so that you can sleep a bit (I'd say nothing should happen if you skip only one feeding, but of course nobody can guarantee anything). Or only have your DH sleep in a different room with the baby for a night and he brings her only for nursing. That way at least you don't wake up every time she turns or half wakes. And you can nurse half asleep, not get up and go back to sleep after a short time (DH can change diapers as well at night). If you both work full time, you both deserve rest equally. Even if it is only one day per week when he takes the baby, it will help you very much. Sleep is really important.

May this pass quickly for you. It is hard, but it will get better.

amother

Linen

Wed, Jul 25 2018, 1:58 pm

You ask how everyone does it.... well, first of all you should realize that those first 3 months are very hard for everyone. Taking care of a newborn is simply demanding and walking around and functioning on no sleep is no fun at all! You’re not the only one feeling this challenge... the reason why you don’t hear about people complaining all the time is because if someone isn’t going through the newborn stage right now it’s sort of over and forgotten since that stage doesn’t last all that long. Also, another thing you should realize is that while some of us might have a few children, they were born one at a time. ... when you have a toddler running around you sometimes crave for that innocent, helpless newborn ... newborns could even be less demanding than an overstimulated toddler. With time you will feel less tied down with this baby than you do now.
I’m wondering if your baby is sleeping a lot during the day and has more awake hours at night? What worked for me (after 6 weeks) was to try to keep the baby up from 5pm till around 8pm. Feed the baby often during that time so the baby will fall asleep with a very full stomach and hopefully sleep a long stretch. By 3 months old the baby should only wake up 2x at night.... still enough to make you exhausted but if you sleep when baby sleeps you will feel much better. Also, I gave a formula bottle before bed. It keeps their stomachs much fuller and they sleep longer. Obviously if you are anti bottles/ formula this won’t work for you...
Good luck! Hoping you will get a good nights sleep tonight!!

amother

Blonde

Wed, Jul 25 2018, 1:58 pm

Op here, wow- thank you so much for all the validation and tips. For the people saying that they had video monitors, can you please tell me which one you got? I've been looking into it and got all overwhelmed by the options and various reviews. Having a monitor would help.

Regarding going to sleep early, if I would I would literally see/spend time with my husband for the 15 minutes he's home for dinner. I don't think I could handle that. He's the only adult I see all day every day. I live in a new city and have no friends here and I work from home. I know, I know, this is a crazy situation.

I do feel much better just knowing that so many of you understand me. I felt like I was the only one who feels this way and felt like I should get it together like everyone else does. I know this will pass and in the meantime I'm trying to enjoy my baby as much as possible.