moving into my babysitters house

Seraph

Sun, Nov 18 2007, 10:50 am

Ok, so my son goes to a babysitter who lives a bit away from me. (Near my work.)
This babysitter watches other babies as well, from 7-4.
The babysitter is pregnant and due in january. She will be taking a maternity leave of 2 months and I will replace her.
Because the babysitter is worried that I won't be able to get there on time- by 7 am, she suggested that my husband and I move in for those two months. Excluding thursday and friday nights.
She has a guest bedroom downstairs, and all the other bedrooms are upstairs, so we'd have a medium amount of privacy.
My husband has no issue with moving in. But a freind suggested wisely that the babysitter and I work out the details before we move in.
What details do you suggest need working out?

One detail already worked out is that she doesnt plan on cooking food for the two months I'm there- her family is going to live off of cereal and milk. She said I'm welcome to use her kitchen. And we'll divide the fridge between hers and our stuff...

I know I'm nuts to be moving in, but we're good freinds, I'm doing her a favor, she's doing me a favor by giving me parnossa for those two months, and our husbands get along great. She's a very easy going person and her kids love me.
(Other detail- she has kids 6, 4, and 3. My sister in law, who lives across the street, is her best freind.)

faigie

Sun, Nov 18 2007, 10:58 am

One detail already worked out is that she doesnt plan on cooking food for the two months I'm there- her family is going to live off of cereal and milk. She said I'm welcome to use her kitchen. And we'll divide the fridge between hers and our stuff.
------------that is SO not gonna happen. you need to figure this out,before you end up cooking your meals and hers.

Seraph

Sun, Nov 18 2007, 11:23 am

amother wrote:

I dunno.... I feel like I am just waiting for a few months down the road when we hear "G-d help me" like when someone moved in your house after you gave birth. Very honestly, to me it sounds like a recipe for disaster, and more like something one would do in seminary than in married life.

the difference is my relationship with this person is much different than with that relative...

shalhevet

Sun, Nov 18 2007, 11:29 am

What are you going to do in the evenings? On Wednesday nights you may have nothing to do, while your own home is waiting getting piled with dust, Shabbos laundry etc which you can't get to. Then when you get home Thursday you will have to move loads of stuff, clean up and start getting ready for Shabbos. On Motzai Shabbos you will have to clean everything up because you will be getting back on Thursday. Think of all the moving every week.
What about moving things back and forth every week, and all the packing up? What about when your son's last clean sleeper is at the other place? What about when you left his motzetz/ blanket/ toy etc that he can't fall asleep without at the other place?
I dunno. I guess I am unorganized, but to me it sounds like a nightmare. Exploding anger

Seraph

Sun, Nov 18 2007, 11:50 am

shalhevet wrote:

what do I do any evening? cook supper, eat supper, wash dishes, talk to dh, interspersed with feeding and playing with uriel and putting him to bed. all of which could be done at the babysitter's.
in terms of shabbos laundry and cleanup- well we're only a couple with a baby, not often is there shabbos laundry and we use paper on shabbos. not too much cleanup, and plenty of time on these early shabbosim.
not too likely I'll forget things- overpacking is my problem. and we have at least tripples of everything.

Seraph

Sun, Nov 18 2007, 11:54 am

Tamiri wrote:

What about laundry. What if your kid is CVC sick or one of her kids is. What if YOU get sick etc. etc.

she said we'd sit down with her husband and decide how much we want to chip in for utilities, and then we could do laundry at her house...
if hes sick, then... I dunno. y shud that be any different than if her kids are ever sick? you keep sick kid away from the other kids...

Tamiri

Sun, Nov 18 2007, 12:10 pm

Breslov, the sick thing... would you allow your 3 month old baby to be in a house with sick kids who aren't his sibs? I for sure would not and I am NOT an overprotective mother, it's just common sense. What if the kids have strep? I would worry about that with a tiny baby. If you are living at home, you always have the option of not sending him to the babysitter when the kids are ill. But if you are living there, what is your choice?
I understand that you are great friends, but this seems like a HUGE tircha for you and your family. For two months! Are you sure you are up to it?

MiracleMama

Sun, Nov 18 2007, 12:12 pm

Other posters have already pointed out many of the difficulties that come up in this type of situation. You seem pretty determined to do it anyhow, so the only things I can think of to suggest before you move in:

Does she expect you to make any financial contributions while there? You will be using electric, showering, cooking, doing laundry, etc. So maybe she has some expectations.

Are you going to end up being a 24 hour babysitter for her kids? Giving them dinner, putting them to bed, baths, etc? That would be a fear of mine. Unless you don't mind, make it clear that you are not doing extra babysitting.

Is her family going to disrupt you? Are you going to disrupt them? Make sure you all have similar schedules. And also will you be in a part of the house where the new baby will not be waking you up all night long?

Also, you mention that this is far from your home. I don't know if your husband works or learns or what he does - but either way, will this mean a big commute for him and extra stress? I know you said he agreed to it, but it may be something to think about.

greentiger

Sun, Nov 18 2007, 12:18 pm

Personally I wouldn't do it. Even if everything is sorted out, and it sounds like it'll even be fun moving in by a friend, there is just so much involved that could go wrong, that it is not worth risking a good friendship over. It's nice that she offered, but is she really gonna want 3 extra people around right after birth?? 2 months is a very long time, no matter how close you are. I could see tensions building up even if it were my sister or mother that I'd be moving in by.

Tamiri

Sun, Nov 18 2007, 12:22 pm

Oh, and read the posts by mothers with a lot of little kids. There will be kids aged 6. 4. 3, a few months and a newborn, all in one household. It's one thing if they are your own and you ease them into your life, but to have them around you all the time may fray your nerves a bit. Do you remember that woman who was caring for you when you had the baby? She was in your room all the time and into your business? Kids are worse!!!

yersp

Sun, Nov 18 2007, 12:23 pm

Not to discourage you or anything. If you think it'll work out great, then go right ahead. And you should definitely work out all the details BEFORE doing this.
I did a similar thing this past summer with my SIL. I live near a cheder where she got a summer job as a teacher. Her kids go to the same school as my daughter and the kids get along pretty well so we had it arranged. My brother would bring her and the kids over before going to work (at 8 in the morning mind you). I would put all the kids on the bus and then when they would come home I would give them all supper and they would go home. Then I decided to take a haircutting course so it came out my SIL would stay here until 7 at night and DH would take over watching my kids and my SIL and her kids would go home. She would technically be "babysitting" only for about a half an hour because I needed to leave by 6:30.
It all sounded nice and dandy and it actually worked out for a few days until my SIL discovered youtube. From the second she came home from her job until she didnt leave to go home, oh lets say a good 4-5 hours she would sit here and the kids would turn the house upside down. I was actually afraid to leave them alone for that half an hour that I wasnt there. The computer room turned into a pigsty and I just gave up on cleaning it until the summer would end.
To make a long story short I couldnt wait for the summer to end so there would be an end to this madness. I was literally counting down the days when daycamp would end and I would get my apt back to what it was before. Even Sundays I didnt have for myself because my nephew was going to cheder then too and instead of making the bus driver crazy we figured it was easier that they came here. On those rare sundays that my SIL didnt come with her kids, I used to sit around in my nightgown relishing my freedom.
I'm bli neder not doing this again!
You should really work out the details exactly who does what and when. Asach Hatzlucha!

Mishie

Sun, Nov 18 2007, 12:27 pm

Breslov -

This situation sounds like a lot of fun, in theory...

But, in reality...... Guests are like fish.... after 3 days.... they start to.....

Did you consider - that you will have to be dressed properly ALL the time, also in the middle of the night, if you wake up to go to the bathroom for example.

Also, you and DH will probably NOT have much privacy at night..... so....

If I were you, I would just make the extra effort to wake up really early and get there on time every morning.
Trust me! you'll be SO happy to be in your own bed every night!!!

Seraph

Sun, Nov 18 2007, 12:45 pm

I will not be doing babysitting, nor cooking for her kids. We already agreed upon that.
I will have privacy- there is a lock on the door of the room.
I will not be kept up by her kids and baby- the guest room is on the first floor, everyone else is on the second floor.
They've had a live in before- their sister in law- and it worked just fine.
In terms of tznius- whenever I'm in nidda I anyhow walk around tznius, so its not an issue to wear tznius- I'm comfortable in it...

waking up extra early means taking the 5:50 bus out of here and still maybe not waking up on time. also in the rain...

And because it seems to be confused people...
Right now my son Uriel is at the babysitter from 11-2 every day.
The babysitter currently watches other kids from 7-4. She will be having a baby and wants me to watch the other kids from 7-4. Capisce?

We agreed that we'd try it, and if it turns out to be a balagan we'll move home and I'll travel everyday. But if this works out, it'll be better...

Tamiri, as it is, I'm at their house from 10 ish, to 11, then working with a whole buncha other little kids 11-2, then with these lady's kids till 4 or 5 or 6 pm every night... A few extra hours really isnt that bad.

And this place in terms of my husband work- well my husband works in jerusalem and we live in a yishuv outside jerusalem, and my husband travels by bus every day there. This is the next yishuv closer to jerusalem and theres a way for him to get to work just as easily from there.