Lakewood High-schools for girls not starting tomorrow

Chayalle

Mon, Sep 03 2018, 6:55 am

amother wrote:

How do you all feel about this? We are pretty shook up at the enormity of this issue!!

I really feel for all girls who were not accepted to any high school yet. It's a really awful place to be. We really need a better solution so that they are spared the pain of being school-less all summer and into the school year.

However, I also feel at the same time that there may be some who have a high school offering a spot, but it's not "good enough" for them to accept that spot. There I have mixed feelings. Sometimes a high school might truly not be a fit for their child, and it can sometimes be worse to send your child to a school where they are not likely to succeed, than to not send them at all. But sometimes, it's a matter of misplaced pride, and I feel that parents really need to be honest with themselves about what the issue is, and they need to do their part both for their child and the community to make it work.

I remember a few years ago, a family I know well had their oldest child in 8th grade, and for whatever reason, they had their hearts set on School A. To play the system, they applied to that school, a school that is very hard to get in, and two choices that made absolutely no sense for them, knowing that they would not get into those two schools (they were like waaay RW and Chassidish for their family), and thinking this way they'd try to force the Vaad to place them in their choice school.

So they didn't get into school A. School B offered them a slot (it was an established, existing school) and school C, which was new, also offered them a slot. They rejected those offers and spent all summer lamenting their "we have no school" status.

School started, and their daughter had had enough and was acting up. School A wasn't taking them. At that point, they realized they had some pull with school D, a school they should've applied to to begin with, but didn't because they wanted school A and didn't want to be told they had a school.....so they used their pull, and mercifully, school D accepted them. Their daughter has done very well there, as it was a good fit for her to begin with. They are lucky they got in there in the end.....

It is for these girls that I ask the question, should the whole town be delayed in school starting for them? If the girls really don't have a school, or there's a situation where it really cannot work, I think yes - those girls deserve a school just as much as everyone else. But for the holdouts who refuse to go to apply to a school that can also make sense for them but might not be Dream Choice A, I think it's unfair to the whole town.

Sometimes I think that when we get up to Shomayim after 120, we will be held accountable for some things we might not have thought of down here. Perhaps one question might be along the lines of "just whom do you think you are?"

I remember that summer, my own daughter was entering high school (she was a sibling and had been accepted to the same school as my older daughter with just a phone call) and we were out walking one night, and she asked me - Ma, what would you do if it were me? And I told her I would've taken the slot in school B or C or D and made the best of it. She was absolutely relieved to hear that. She told me there were plenty of nice girls she knew going to those schools.

Sorry for the whole megillah. Just my feelings on the subject.

amother

Plum

Mon, Sep 03 2018, 7:33 am

Chayalle wrote:

I read that it is 9 girls who aren't placed. I think the Vaad should eeny, meeny, miny, moe them and let school begin for eveyone.

I agree that it often isn't that they don't have a place. It is that they don't have THE PLACE that's their top choice.

amother

Hotpink

Mon, Sep 03 2018, 7:46 am

amother wrote:

It’s more than 9 out of school. There were 9 girls who had no place at all, and about another 30 who were placed in a school they never applied to and didn’t want to go to.

If it was just 9 slots they could have figured it out a few days ago.

I happen to be close with one of those 30. I agree 100% with Chayalles post. Just hearing the inside story from the other side is harrowing too. Imagine it was your daughter. you get placed in a school where you don’t belong, have no friends, are not on their level hashkafically... it’s a tough situation all around.

amother

Brown

Mon, Sep 03 2018, 8:10 am

A father whose daughter was just placed and didn’t agree - said - “for all those who say just go were you were placed give me your daughters spot and take my random school. If you aren’t willing then why should I. “

I hear the point. The eeny miny moe approach mentioned above really isn’t fair. Every girl could have a spot that way. There are new and less desirable schools. No one wants to be the ‘karbon’.

But I just spoke to a teacher in one Of The high schools and her class size is ginormous. She teaches about 6 minor classes a week and will have close to 240 students. That is also crazy. She is someone who has really developed close relationships with her students and kept up with them. She says that with today’s class sizes it’s almost impossible for a teacher to get to know every student. That’s also a loss.

leah233

Mon, Sep 03 2018, 8:28 am

amother wrote:

While I agree that people shouldn't send their child to a school that won't work out, I don't agree with this father at all. People don't always have the choices about which challenges they will have in life.

Other will have things easier than you and face less challenges than you. That has nothing to do with how YOU should deal with the situation you are in.

I don't mean to be callous to his situation. I was also very burned by the Lakewood school system.

Last edited by leah233 on Mon, Sep 03 2018, 8:32 am; edited 1 time in total

benny

Mon, Sep 03 2018, 8:47 am

leah233 wrote:

With all due respect maybe the father is handling the challenge he has been given the way he feels is best for his child, by sticking it out and not accepting a slot wherever.

It makes the challenge a lot more difficult when Ppl who haven’t been thrown this challenge judge those parents on how they handle it.

amother

Plum

Mon, Sep 03 2018, 8:53 am

amother wrote:

Then how do you assign the places? The schools take the best fit. Sometimes there are simply no more places. If the father doesn't want his daughter to go where she is told, then home school or move. But she isn't entitled to bump someone else out.

amother

Bronze

Mon, Sep 03 2018, 8:54 am

amother wrote:

Kudos to this "self-appointed group of men" for making an effort to resolve a very difficult situation.
Welcome to New Jersey!

Yes. What is being done from the vantage point of long range planning so this doesn’t continue to happen...

It wasn’t until a few months ago that I understood that this ‘Vaad’ isn’t an official agency, based on they way people refer to it (as being seemingly responsible to place children into schools).

The situation sounds horrible.

On the other hand - what on earth is happening behind the scenes to make this ‘all work out’ in the last minute.

How is it that schools who have said ‘we are at capacity’ for ninth grade, do not open timely.

leah233

Mon, Sep 03 2018, 8:57 am

benny wrote:

I didn't say whether he should or should not stick it out.

He basically asked that others should take his place/what would they do if they were in his place as a justification for not sending his child to school. I'm responding to that sentiment by saying that it's an unreasonable request/ irrelevant point.

As I wrote in the original post I was also very burned by the Lakewood school system. Yes I certainly did face his challenge .

amother

Forestgreen

Mon, Sep 03 2018, 9:03 am

benny wrote:

Agreed. I've mentioned this before. My daughter was in a horribly mismatched elementary school. Hashkafically very different than the other girls, had no friends, was miserable etc.
Her therapist told us we must transfer her, so we did. It was miserable, made worse by everyone's comments how we were bringing this pain on ourselves and all schools in Lakewood are good.
BH we got her in to one of the schools of choice (we were willing to consider 4 schools at least) the first week of school- she missed only a few days. She thrived and is so happy.

But I really feel for parents who are in these situations. And its not simple at all.

Anonymous to protect my daughter.