YT/ new season. Can't handle anymore

amother

Puce

Thu, Sep 06 2018, 6:16 pm

I'm in the same boat. We've had some unexpected expenses come up & we've never been so tight. No one will be wearing anything new this yom tov. I didn't do any shopping yet & we have a wedding coming up. I started making a point every day to focus on the things we do have & thank hashem for it instead of focusing on what we can't have.
Bh we have food to eat & we'll have food for yom tov.
It probably won't be cold so the kids can wear their summer clothes.

thunderstorm

Thu, Sep 06 2018, 6:24 pm

The only thing I have is food Baruch HaShem. I officially lost my job yesterday (my boss let me know they can't accommodate me with the hours I need now post baby) , one son started in a new yeshiva which is literally double the tuition than last year. He was going to a dorm and needed new everything, so he's the only one with new clothes.
I just washed my sheitel that is 10 years old a hand me down from my sister and I set it , but how good can it look ?
I'm post baby and gained weight AFTER baby due to thyroid issues, and literally don't even have a black skirt or anything to wear . My maternity tights all have holes and I don't have other tights. I told DH I need two pairs , but still didn't get to the store.
My snoods are all torn and the rubbers are shot.
But I'm hosting people and will go to shul no matter how embarrassed I am and will daven to HaShem to give us enough parnassah to get through another year just like he's done until now.
May you all have a prosperous year. It should come easily joined with health and happiness!

amother

Lilac

Thu, Sep 06 2018, 6:30 pm

I feel for you, been there, done that.
I just go into lockdown mode and don't buy anything
Very basic food for Yomtov, no meat, only chicken, homemade Challah, dips and anything cheap.
I buy on sale weeks before, I look for anything that can be used over the many Yom tov days.
I don't buy new clothes for kids, yes they wear what they have, yes, they're the only ones in shul not wearing new clothes. Yes, I feel terrible but realize it's not the end of the world.
I will say that if I give a kid that "needs" something for their emotional health.

It's tough but iyh things will improve

Emotional

Thu, Sep 06 2018, 6:50 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

Thunderstorm, you gave me so much chizzuk! Thank you!

amother

Puce

Thu, Sep 06 2018, 7:16 pm

No, my kids don't need new cloths for yom tov, but they don't have what to wear for Chol Hamoed. Their summer clothes are garbage.
But we'll make to with what we have, we'll push through with their last year dresses that are short. Bh we have food, we're even hosting guest. We're all healthy & we'll ih get back on our feet.

amother

Pumpkin

Thu, Sep 06 2018, 7:34 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

I’m not sure where you all live, but who needs new clothes for Yom Tov this year?’

If I see kids in wool or velvet this rosh hashana im going to need to restrain myself from smacking the moms in the face.

I’m in Lakewood and people here wear summer on rosh hashana. The thing is, everyone wears winter in succos.. all of 2 weeks later no matter the weather. One year even though I bought my girls matching shabbos outfits for succos I didn’t let them wear it because it was 85 degrees. We went to shul on the first day of succos and my kids were the ONLY ones wearing summer outfits!!! It was 85 degrees!!!
I would have let them wear dark colors if they had something lightweight but that year I only bought them heavy woolen things.
I made that mistake this year again... not sure what we will do on succos since their things are heavy wool ...

OP - I had no money for a while. My water got shut off more than once! I think I went to Payless and bought cheap shabbos shoes for my kids.. put it on the credit card of course so they could feel like they had something new.
Also there is a store in Lakewood that sells gently used frum style clothing for almost nothing. People shop there all the time, not only “poor people “, everyone goes to check it out.
If you tell me what sizes you need I can go for you. I also have expensive clothing from my kids in excellent condition... in just realized that I have shabbos shoes too, boys and girls that are in great condition. If you are in Lakewood I can leave the clothing somewhere for you.
I promise you, you are not the only one without money Hug

I think I started a thread a few years ago when I was practically poverty stricken and I was upset that I couldn’t afford to get my kids haircuts...
B’ezras Hashem things will get easier for you soon.

amother

Tan

Thu, Sep 06 2018, 7:47 pm

amother wrote:

Crazy expenses. I'm crying from desperation into my pillow. Can't let dh know how I feel cuz he's really trying... But ain't working....
Im fed-up. Can't handle anymore.
Vent!!
Pale

I feel ya. Have to wait until the last minute, literally Erev Yomtov, to shop and cook for large seudos of guests because waiting for the paycheck. (And these are guests we have to have, please don't respond why are you hosting if things are tight.) Cried today, trying not to show my anxiety to my husband, didn't really work...it should be a kaparah, wipe away my aveiros, cleanse me for a year of only bracha, parnassah, and gezunt!

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Sep 06 2018, 7:58 pm

Same here OP. We both work full time I work more than full time (holding down numerous jobs) and I’m not getting paid for holidays. I have never had a struggle to restrain myself from working on holidays but that’s how desperate I feel. I’m scared we won’t be able to pay our rent and are going to max out our credit cards and never be able to pay. New clothing is out of the question, rent and food is. And lots of doctor expenses and the medical bills are piling up.

amother

Seashell

Thu, Sep 06 2018, 8:22 pm

Such warm responds. I'm glad, but not glad, that I'm not alone in this boat.... U people def took off a big rock from me.
By saying' shoes' I meant daily shoes. Boys shabbos shoes. Didn't buy them anything for yt. Doing chicken only for yt. I feel choked all over. Released my tears and stress today. Hoping for a better tomorrow.

Hoping for all of you out there in this boat. Let's not sink together.... It's Hard!

out-of-towner

Thu, Sep 06 2018, 9:12 pm

For everyone concerned, my kids will in all likelihood not be wearing new clothing for YT not because I don't have the money, I don't have unlimited funds but BH I can buy what I need, but simply because I currently work a full time job and simply don't have time to go shopping for my kids! I hate shopping for clothing online. And also my kids need new stuff because they have little that fits, but no way am I buying the winter stuff that's in the stores... Not yet!

Hugs to everyone though. YT is a really tough time!

amother

Khaki

Thu, Sep 06 2018, 10:03 pm

Life is much more than clothing.
Im probably the only person in my children’s school that did not buy my children new shoes. Their summer shoes are still good and it’s too hot to put them on heavy winter shoes. Their dressy shoes are still good. Maybe one child needs a dressy shoe and I’ll buy Payless. While I agree on buying a good quality shoe for school, a brand name dressy shoe has no arch support and it doesn’t last.
I can afford things bh, but above all, I like to do what makes sense to me. My kids are wearing their summer clothing for YT. When it gets chilly, I’ve got dressy/school clothing on sale.
I can’t stand “doing what everyone else is doing even if makes no sense”.
May u all have an year of brachas and sense.

amother

Burlywood

Fri, Sep 07 2018, 12:03 am

I feel fo you. its hard. may hkb``H give you a prosperous year.

my kids dont get new clothes, they are fine with their summer clothes. so am I. we are not megashoppers. b´´H the kehille we live in is very mixed and eventhough you find families with high end fashion taste who dress all their children matchy matchy in super expencive or even tailored outfits you will also find the exact oposite and people mostly dont judge. to each their own.

chicken is totally fine for yt. I know red meat is more kuvedig but hey the choson ish never ate beef etc in israel only chicken so I guess if he is ok with it we should too ;=)

again to each their own but dont feel down because you cant keep up with the joneses.

being in financial hard situation is hard enough try to concentrate on how to provide basics and smile to the kids Wink

obviously davening and working hard is the way to go BUT please dont put an additional strain on yourself by comapring yourself to other families.

we all shlep a different packelech. thats the way the eybisther made the world.

I try to focus on b´´H my baby is healthy, b´´H our electricity is on, b´´H we have enough food, b´´H my son enjoys learning, b´´H dH FORGOT TO PUT HIS CLOTHES IN THE HAMPER AAAGGGGAAAAIIIIIINNNN AAAAARRRRRGGGGG!!!!!