Worrying when things are "too good"

amother

Burgundy

Sat, Sep 08 2018, 11:29 pm

Well, in this time of reflection during Elul, I guess it's appropriate to bring this up.

Many times, I think I haven't done enough thanking to Hashem for all the good things I have in this life. I am reminded often of how fortunate I am and make sure to thank Hashem when I have this cognizant thought. This is when I'm not distracted by work or actively parenting or reading or studying something or davening or thinking about a solution to my current dilemma or problem or chore or whatever task.

When I'm just relaxing or going for a walk and I'm not preoccupied, my mind often settles on this thought of how fortunate my family and I are. And then I have this worry set in almost immediately. It's like things are "too good". Like the "quiet before the storm".

I suppose it could be because there have been times in my life when things have come crashing down disastrously. Times where I thought I was living in h-ll. Times where I couldn't imagine that it could get any worse. Nor could I imagine a time that would actually be better. I was a different person then. I don't remember always davening to Hashem to help make it better. I know I did sometimes but sometimes I was so low that even davening seemed a wasted effort. There were stretches of time where I didn't believe in a religious life and didn't think the mitzvoth mattered.

And in some way, I have somehow thought of those bad times as some sort of punishment. Something that I did to bring it on. This was the mindset I was raised with.

So, I don't know what this is. This mindset I have that bad things are punishment, makes me overly anxious to the point I might feel I just can't do enough to thank Hashem.

Is this rational or irrational? I can't tell.

allthingsblue

Sat, Sep 08 2018, 11:53 pm

One of the greatest things you can do is when things are good, you can say "thank You!"

Part of emunah is letting go of our control. Let go and let G-d. I am working on this and see a huge burden lifted off me when I internalize that worrying about the future is Pointless. All we have is the present, and that's what I need to focus on. I am never in control; G-d is. I try to imagine myself in His hands, and I physically feel lighter, knowing that any worry or anxiety about the future is pointless and therefore unnecessary. I have a long way to go but I'm trying, and I feel so much better when I try to internalize this.