Bris advise | Imamother

amother

Blush

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 3:29 pm

I am having a boy not my first but have no boys I would love to figure out out cost and details of stuff but don't want people to know what Im having. Is it crazy to do it all PP I don't even know anything about mohels or what I would really need to arrange and can't ask without rasing eyebrows. Also can I call up places that cater bris and not give any personal details but ask prices or is that just odd . Do most DH deal with this right away it just seems like a lot to plan so last second with having to still be there for the outher kids at home.

amother

Papaya

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 3:31 pm

I don't think it's crazy to try to make these arrangements before the baby is born. You can definitely call places to ask about prices, and check into a mohel. I would imagine that many people do this because of the short period of time between the baby's birth and the bris.

Last edited by amother on Thu, Jul 11 2019, 12:55 pm; edited 1 time in total

pond user

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 3:40 pm

Firstly you can't really book without having a date set for bris. Enquiring about prices you can do though and it isn't strange.
Once you have your baby, the forst thing you do is contact the mohel who will visit and advise you when bris can occur, then you start booking.
I don't know where you live, but it's totally not necessary to overdo a bris. Simple cake platters, drinks, fruit and veg will do it. Many people I know have the seuda a little later just for family and very close friends, Rabbi etc. Then you can serve bread and meat but again no need to overdo anything. It really shouldn't cost too much; if you have a larger budget, better to give more to the mohel in my opinion.

Here's what we did (We did not know gender prior to birth) and our mohel had no fixed rate-he asked if were able to make a small donation to his charity.
We had the bris at the shul, served cake, drinks and fruit. Then had the seuda at my parents house. My parents made a stack of bread rolls and rice, my in-laws made a stack of schnitzel and dessert, and my siblings made salads. It was a small crowd.
We thought it would cost us more (but thanks to our family catering we only paid for the initial small kiddush), so we ended up donating $800 to the mohel's charity instead of the estimated $200.
I'm due another baby soon and although we don't know the gender, if it's a boy we plan to have the whole affair at my parents home and donate most of the budget for the mohel.

pond user

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 3:44 pm

Also, about enquiring after a mohel. I'd suggest you do some research into it now, we did even though we didn't know what we were having. As soon as baby arrived, we called the mohel of our choice straight away. Generally speaking 8 days is enough time to book your mohel in as he can't really be booked out more in advanced than that. Just tell people you don't know the gender but it's a boy, who would they recommend as mohel.

amother

Blush

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 3:59 pm

pond user wrote:

Not worried about booking I know it will be in our shul where we are members but can't find out how much it will be to use the room. Its more about doing research and needing to book in a short span of time we are looking for simple nothing to exreame but I still have a few options of who I can use to do the simple . How do I find out about mohels if I can't ask friends I don't even know what I would look for I am totally clueless in this. I might be overthinking at this point but it's all new to me

sky

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 4:04 pm

When I called to price the caterer for the Bris no one asked my name. That is a great idea to do in advance.

Definetly ask family and friends about who to use for mohel. Don’t have to say what you are having - It’s just in case. Personally we asked our rav when baby was born and he had a strong recommendation so we just went with that.
Here the mohel doesn’t have a set price so we asked family and Rav what to pay.

thunderstorm

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 5:08 pm

It's DHs headache and he takes care of shopping and arranging the Sholom Zachor, a class of boys to come say Krias Shema the day before the Bris , vacht nacht, if we are doing one and the bris itself including the food , waiters to set up and clean up (we never used a caterer) , mohel, sandek, kvatter and all the supplies needed for the bris which the mohel tells you what you'll need.
The only thing I had to take care of was make sure the baby had a bris outfit.

amother

Blush

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 6:38 pm

amother wrote:

Hours after giving birth my dh is on the phone with the mohel to book him. We don't do it by price, we do it by expertise, as a bris is a serious business and has to be done well.
We did not make calls before birth because there are no guarantees on any pregnancy and there is no guarantee that a bris is going to be on time.

I understand that not looking to book or fully plan but also not completely overwhelm my dh who has no idea what to do or where to start . Plus he has to hold down the home front for a few days so him having an idea of what to do can help it a huge thing which is why I what to understand now how to pick a mohel and not just go with the first name we hear

bobeli

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 10:05 pm

The week between birth and bris is busy, so yeah do the most in advance.
1.- mohel.- most important of all, you need experienced and iras shamaim. I don't know where you are but I recommend R. Fried from bp, R Krohn from queens or R Perelman I think Flatbush. If they can't go to where you are (they try hard because is a big mitzva and inian)they can recommend someone, if you are sefaradi there is one that I think lives in Deal that makes a point to go anyplace and not charge.
2.- cater you can call and ask everything, generally the bagel, piza or milchig places do it. In Brooklyn the avarage is I think $9 or $10 per person for cold bris (lax, tuna salad, vegetables, cheese, bagles, juice, coffee, danish)plus waiters, including paper goods. There are upscale places for $15. Or if you want hot food is more.
3.-pillow, outfit for baby, hat/ kipa, blanket . You can get in advance of call a Gemach to borrow and see what they have and terms.
4.- needs for caring for the baby after the bris. The mohel usually tells you but you can get in advance: triple antibiotic ointment plus pain relief, a and d cream, bacitracin. Small square gauze package.
5.- what to bring to the bris.- white wine (so no stains, avoid fizzy like moscato), wine opener, real glas or metal cup to say Bracha if the cater or shul don't provide, extra diapers, botle for baby in case you can't find a place to nurse, bassinet so baby can go home and not sit on car seat that can harm bris area.
6.- if you expect some kids bring white paper and a box of crayons to keep busy., including your older kids.

mommyhood

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 10:20 pm

We don’t even wait hours to call the mohel, we call him right after parents even before siblings. With one bris someone else called very shortly after us so you really need to have that decided in advance.
Do you have a local Facebook or google group where you could ask one friend or the admin to post your questions anonymously. If not you might have to give up on keeping the gender a secret if you want to plan all the details in advance.

amother

Plum

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 11:28 pm

It's hard to plan a bris in advance when you don't know what day it will be. Weekday vs Sunday vs Shabbos will usually end up with different people who can make it so estimating numbers is difficult.

DH asked our Rav to recommend a couple of local mohels and we called the top one within an hour of the baby being born to book him. Luckily we called him first and got first pick of time. I think he did 2 other brisim the same day. We were very happy with Rabbi Ephraim Perlstein from Far Rockaway by the way.

I actually did most of the phone calls to price shuls and caterers from the hospital because I was the only one who had spare time during business hours. Everyone else in the family was at work or taking care of my other kids at home. A caterer who does a lot of brisim will know exactly what you need and can help make the arrangements.

I had a c-section, so I was out of commission for pretty much all the other arrangements. My mom and MIL took care of the shalom zachor with a little help from DH and there is a family bris outfit and pillow so I didn't have to even think about that. My mom slept over the night before the bris so she could help us all get dressed and out of the door in time in the morning, which was no small feat!