Baby Got Beaten Up at Babysitter.

1stimer

Sun, Aug 14 2005, 6:57 pm

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is it because he has betrayed your trust in the past or are you merely assuming he is not worthy of your trust?

He's betrayed my trust, e.g. by trying to climb out of windows and jump of tables... Therefore I can't trust him. I know some might say it's a very sad situation but it just is.

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sometimes it helps to just "let go" you know, and give your child some slack to prove himself

Unfortunately I can't trust him, so I can't let go.

Motek

Sun, Aug 14 2005, 7:04 pm

1stimer wrote:

e.g. by trying to climb out of windows and jump of tables...

hmmm, you don't think it might be ADHD do you? you'll be thrilled to know that now evaluations can be done on children as young as 11 months and even younger

actually, the latest is that ADD/ADHD can be detected in utero on sonograms - they watch the fetus for 15 minutes and see how many movements, flips and turns it makes and determine whether this is excessive for a fetus its age, normal, or borderline and needs to be kept under observation

this sonogram test is extremely important because if it's determined that the fetus is, in fact, ADD/ADHD, medications can be started immediately upon birth or (in severe cases) even before childbirth

1stimer

Mon, Aug 15 2005, 3:08 am

Motek wrote:

but even though it's a normal behavior on the part of the children, I think it's COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE for a child to be injured in this way at a babysitter

if she cannot watch them every second or set them up in such a way that it is impossible for such attacks to take place, then it is DANGEROUS for your child to be there!

a bruise will heal, what if, G-d forbid, an eye is poked or ...

furthermore, a child, at ANY age must feel secure and must actually be protected from harm

an 11 month old generally cannot express itself and an 11 month old's memory may not retain much of the attack, but that is NOT A REASON to take advantage of the fact that the 11 month old has EVERY REASON NOT TO WANT TO GO BACK TO A PLACE WHERE HE WAS ATTACKED AND MAY BE ATTACKED AGAIN!

do I sound appalled? I am!

I was thinking about this a lot last night. The reason why at first I wasn't so appaled by it is because I once, while I was watching him, a friend's son came and knocked him over. I was watching him and yet he was attacked, he probably knocked his head during the fall. Am I negligent b/c this happened while I was watching him? (I don't think so, but I'm sure someone here will be able to tell me that I am negligent and what a terrible job I am doing at mothering Wink

)

If I wasn't negligent, why is the babysitter negligent when he got injured by her?

baby's mom

Mon, Aug 15 2005, 3:48 am

Motek wrote:

1stimer wrote:

I couldn't trust him to look after himself and keep himself (and the house) safe.

hmmm, sounds like there's a trust issue here, as well as conflict over independence (see threads on "Trusting your Kids" and "Independence and Control")

is it because he has betrayed your trust in the past or are you merely assuming he is not worthy of your trust?

sometimes it helps to just "let go" you know, and give your child some slack to prove himself

this sounds like an 11 year old thats being discussed as opposed to an 11 month old baby?!

amother

Mon, Aug 15 2005, 1:27 pm

I do not think you can judge the quality babysitter by whether or not your child is hit by the other ( similar age) kids there, if it is occasional. I sent my baby ( 22mos) to a play group for two weeks just recently. A very nice play group with several teenage girls and a mom. And this lady's baby ( 24 mos) bit my daughter twice. On the face. Left marks, too. And I am not upset about it, to tell you the truth. Because I know that my kid could do it also and you can't prevent everything. Now, if this becomes a daily routine or if my child starts being afraid of going there or other things seem wrong, then I will be concerned.

This was posted as amother because of the personal family details.

Motek

Mon, Aug 15 2005, 5:51 pm

1stimer wrote:

... I once, while I was watching him, a friend's son came and knocked him over. I was watching him and yet he was attacked, he probably knocked his head during the fall. Am I negligent b/c this happened while I was watching him? ... If I wasn't negligent, why is the babysitter negligent when he got injured by her?

Because this is her JOB. She is being PAID.

You can say, well, I should be MUCH MORE responsible because it's not my job, I'm his MOTHER! And that's true. And you are welcome to view her favorably and be very understanding of what happened there the other day.

I'll just repeat this:

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furthermore, a child, at ANY age must feel secure and must actually be protected from harm

I think it is VERY detrimental for a child's emotional/psychological wellbeing for him to be TAKEN BY HIS MOTHER to a place where he is LEFT WITHOUT HER and where HE HAS BEEN ATTACKED.

Obviously, mothers have different feelings about this, and to each her own, but DON'T YOU (amother) TELL ME I CAN'T JUDGE the quality of a babysitter by whether or not a child is hit there, IF IT IS OCCASIONAL!

are you for real? shock

how "occasional" is okay in your estimation? how many whacks and bites per week/month?

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And this lady's baby ( 24 mos) bit my daughter twice. On the face. Left marks, too. And I am not upset about it, to tell you the truth.

I am APPALLED. Sorry, you are probably otherwise a nice person, but I am sure glad you are not my mother. I find this completely outrageous.

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Now, if this becomes a daily routine or if my child starts being afraid of going there or other things seem wrong, then I will be concerned.

daily?

you mean twice a a week though, would be acceptable? how about 3 times a week?

and IF YOUR CHILD IS NOT AFRAID OF GOING THERE RIGHT NOW, then I think something IS wrong! And I would be concerned!

Hello?!

Has the world gone insane? Whatever happened to mothers' instinctive protecting of their babies, toddlers, and schoolage children????? Question

hisorerus

Mon, Aug 15 2005, 5:55 pm

I'm sorry Motek, but you'd have to be omnipresent to avoid kids getting into spats. Yes, you protect your children, but it is ridiculous to put them into a glass bubble to keep anything from ever happening to them.

If it keeps on happening, it should be dealt with by sending the hitter/biter away from the babysitter, as is done in any preschool setting.

debz123

Mon, Aug 15 2005, 6:35 pm

Motek, I disagree with you. a) there are children that have problems with hitting and biting and it has nothing to do with the caregiver (obviously she would need to take the ness. steps to deal with it) b) there are somtimes things that are out of our control - a child can be watched very carefully but could still fall and get a gash, get a bee sting, break a bone.

lets be realistic. we all got bumps and bruises (or stitches and breaks), and got into fights/arguments with other kids as children. I don't think most of us were emotionally disturbed from those incidents.

amother

Mon, Aug 15 2005, 6:47 pm

I was a teacher in a 2 year old classroom and one of the kids broke her leg in two places going down the slide. it was a freak accident. I couldnt stop thinking about it for days I felt so terrible. from teh minute I woke up till I went to bed it would haunt me. I just couldnt come to terms with the fact that a child had been seriously hurt while under my care. I finally came to terms with it by realizing that it was completely out of my control. Hashem wanted that accident to happen and there was nothing in my power that I could do to stop it. . . it was an important lesson to learn. we can take precautions and do the best we can, but ulitmately, we have no control over what happens.

Motek

Mon, Aug 15 2005, 7:03 pm

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(obviously she would need to take the ness. steps to deal with it)

I agree with that. But amother didn't say that. She said she's not upset her child was bittten twice and thinks that attacks are okay if they're not daily attacks.

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we all got bumps and bruises (or stitches and breaks), and got into fights/arguments with other kids as children. I don't think most of us were emotionally disturbed from those incidents.

what comparison is this?!

bumps and bruises from falling etc. is ONE thing, and typical kiddie arguments with other children refers to OLDER children, and I agree, that would not disturb a child longterm, but this thread is about BABIES AND TODDLERS