Family First Article- on not being a superwoman

watergirl

Thu, Oct 04 2018, 10:39 am

Sebastian wrote:

most of your point is the chicken based suppers are hard b/c you have to go to the store. If you have to go to the store for chicken then maybe you would need to go for cheese or bread or tuna.

Read it again. My point was that that poster was minimizing the work that a warm dinner EVERY NIGHT requires. I was using the chicken dinner issue to illustrate why a full time working mother would have trouble with that. She was saying that a warm dinner is something that should be served every night and its so easy and simple. And for many, thats just not the case.

Some empathy would be helpful, perhaps.

amother

Tan

Thu, Oct 04 2018, 10:41 am

Sebastian wrote:

most of your point is the chicken based suppers are hard b/c you have to go to the store. If you have to go to the store for chicken then maybe you would need to go for cheese or bread or tuna.

That wasn't her point at all.
Her point is that different things work for different people. What's easy for you won't necessarily be easy for me. And what keeps your family happy won't necessarily be what a different family needs.

ces

Thu, Oct 04 2018, 10:56 am

Sebastian wrote:

most of your point is the chicken based suppers are hard b/c you have to go to the store. If you have to go to the store for chicken then maybe you would need to go for cheese or bread or tuna.

Even if you took out the shopping trip, you are really minimizing the actual time to prepare any of those meals. They really do take time to prepare, to cook, and to clean up from. If you walk into the house 20 minutes before your kids, or at the same time as your kids, many of these ideas just aren't options at all.

watergirl

Thu, Oct 04 2018, 11:21 am

Sebastian wrote:

dunno I think tuna is kinda time consuming. You can't make a bunch of grilled cheese sandwiches or scrambled eggs at once. I would find tossing some cutlets with evoo and spiced and grilling it way easier.

to each their own though. As long as the kids have a nutritious dinner every night.

And guess what. If they go one night every now and then with a meal thats not nutritious, thats ok too.

ectomorph

Thu, Oct 04 2018, 11:39 am

watergirl wrote:

It's funny, this thread is making me think about this woman that lives in my community. She is the type that books are written about. She is the marriage guru, parenting pro, gives classes, hosts tons of people every shabbos, has an open home, gives inspiring shiurim to her many fans. She is extremely popular and well known. Every step she takes is published to the world via facebook live and her many followers devour it.

Her teenager is good friends with my teenager. Guess what? This woman does not do laundry or cook weekday meals AT ALL. Her kids do their own wash and dinner time is grab what you can. This teen bounces from house to house for dinner, driven around my the previous parent. This teen thinks MY family is weird because we have a sit down family dinner every night.

Guess what else? This teen is not at all resentful because this is what works for THEM. So while I am not a fan of her mother and while it would be easy for me to judge and put down this woman for what her teen tells me her house is like, why would I? It works for them! Its their life style and not mine. They are a happy family and well taken care of. So the mom travels for work all the time. So? So the kids have to make their own dinners. So? It WORKS FOR THEM! And that should be the bottom line. I know that I do things that appall people (like the fact that we have one towel for guests to use after washing and not 15. The horror). The fact that my house is messy (but not dirty). Other things. It works for us!

this child may be OK with it. But my guess is that if she doesn't make dinner she might also struggle with stocking the fridge. And a younger child or a child with a different temperament night have a harder time.

I know a family where kids do their own laundry starting age 6. And no its not functional the kids look terrible with ruined skirts etc.

Mommyg8

Thu, Oct 04 2018, 11:46 am

ectomorph wrote:

A crock pot dinner is fine. Fending for yourself is not if it isn't a rare occurrence

If we're still talking about the article ... quote "I always make sure food is available and if someone doesn't like it they can make a peanut butter sandwich."

My two younger boys have been making their own supper for the past few years (completely their choice) so I guess we're NOT fine. Good to know.

watergirl

Thu, Oct 04 2018, 12:13 pm

Sebastian wrote:

sorry I know a woman who would also say she "made food available". More often than not, her kids went hungry. Most of them are overweight due to eating junk (snack bags, fruit roll up, kliks etc) since there was no dinner.

So by all means, please assume that all other women who make the same statement also starve their kids and only provide candy and snacks for dinner. Thats logical and reasonable.

amother

Wine

Thu, Oct 04 2018, 12:33 pm

I’m not a superwoman. But my dh makes me into one cuz he’s pickier than me. The house is messy? He has comments. No laundry done? Comments. How’s he more particularl than me? He shudve married a man since apparently he’s a girl
ETA-I’m a full time mother. And a full time college student so that I can help him provide one day. Plus I have a challenging high needs kid who takes all my energy out. So if I only got to wash towels and darks, he’s upset y I didn’t wash whites yet

watergirl

Thu, Oct 04 2018, 12:37 pm

ectomorph wrote:

Why do I feel like I’m speaking a different language than everyone today? The point of my post, and all of my other posts, is that this person does what works for her family. She is the mother and she knows her family. That’s my point. Not that this is OK for everyone or that this is a pattern that everybody should follow. Literally just that this works for this family.

amother

Tangerine

Thu, Oct 04 2018, 2:22 pm

For working mothers only way chicken dinners in oven, or anything baked for that matter works is if u put it into your oven before you leave work, or you put into crockpot before you leave work & come home to warm dinner. It takes a bit of organization. Instead of running with five kids to the grocery when everyone is a shmatte & no you don't have time to bake it then anymore. point I was trying to say if you want your kids to have warm dinner the prep time minus the cooking ( that does on its own) not pots u havta stand over & stir entire time) doesn't take longer than the prepping the cold dinners. That would also mean having the ing stocked in your house. In my area butcher's deliver meat orders.

amother

Tangerine

Thu, Oct 04 2018, 2:28 pm

Btw I was more organized & got more done while I was a working mom. I knew my time was limited so made sure to do stuff when I wasnt working. I dont want to put pressure on anybody. I am far from perfect, & dinner is not all the time perfect scenario in my home. I was just trying to be helpful with ideas, if people make it a priority to know that its doable, & there are ez tricks & shortcuts & doesn't mean all day in the kitchen to set down a warm meal on the table.

Mommyg8

Thu, Oct 04 2018, 2:33 pm

amother wrote:

I think you have completely missed the point. This woman did it this way because it worked for her and her family. Her dh didn't want hot suppers, and her kids are ok as well.

Trying to provide tips on how to do things differently completely misses the point of the article!!! Which was that it's ok not to be perfect. And it's ok to do things differently if that's what works for you.

Raisin

Thu, Oct 04 2018, 3:41 pm

anything that takes more then half an hour to cook to is probably impractical for working out of the home mothers. And disorganized mothers like me who don't like to think about supper before 5pm.

Things that are quick:

schnitzle or grilled chicken breast. A pack of chicken breast takes up little space in the freezer. Take out the night before and defrost in fridge. While schnitzle is frying cut up veggies for salad and microwave some sweetcorn. Serve with pitta for hungry teens. (this is what I served tonight)

pasta - cook pasta, stir in tomato sauce (or puree plus herbs and garlic) and grated cheese until melted.

spaghetti and meat sauce - cook meat and onions and garlic, throw in tomato sauce or chopped tomatoes plus herbs and seasoning. Cook spaghetti meanwhile.

baked or poached salmon.

wraps with cooked chopped meat or chicken, avocado, lettuce. You can add more fillings like grilled veggies if you want. (great use for leftover shabbos chicken)

My mother was a working mother and once we were teens we all made supper once a week. Teach your kids to cook.