On being a superwoman and shortcuts

mommy3b2c

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 7:29 pm

The thread about the mishpacha article got me thinking. Very often there are threads where a woman is overwhelmed and needs support. So everyone will chime in with different ideas to cut corners. Some examples: don’t bake, but takeout/pizza every once in a while, use plastic, get a few hours of cleaning help, don’t fold the laundry, send to the dry cleaners, etc....

The thing is, I already DO all these things. Today my kids wore their pajamas all day and went straight from the shower to new pajamas. If I think about how my day went, this is all I actually did:

Physical therapy appointment in from 8:30-11:00
Put in load of laundry
Served the kids pizza bagels for lunch
Went to the gym
Ordered pizza for supper
Put in another load of laundry
Played with my toddler on the floor for 10 minutes
Served the kids pizza
Bathed my toddler
Put him to sleep

Now I have to clean up the house and pack at least five boxes because we are moving in two weeks. But I am so tired!!!!

But really I did practically nothing all day. And even with all my short cuts, day after day passes and my lists get longer and longer and barely anything gets done.

I would love to change, but I really just don’t think it’s possible. As is, I use all my energy and focus to do whatever it is I do actually do. But its not enough, and I don’t think it ever will be.

pesek zman

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 7:37 pm

I'm tired and lazy most (all?) the time but I am of the belief that the more you do, the more you do. I love structure and routine and find that's the only way I get things done and am efficient. For this reason, if a 4 day work week were ever offered (it won't be) I wouldn't want to be off on Friday, because if somehow make cooking for Shabbos (something I now do in 3-4 hours after I put toddler to bed on Thursday night) into an all day affair! I know that I'm mlst efficient when I have tons to do. I'm out of the house for 10 hours a day but don't really take shortcuts. I'm by NO MEANS a superwoman but I devised systems that work for me

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 7:42 pm

I'd say it's a balance - need to be ok with where you're at, even if it is not enough. Circumstances changes, kids get older, different expectations of you at different points in your life. That is not to say that we shouldn't keep on trying to do the best we can, especially things that are important to us to get done, but first need to accept where are at now. Life really is not easy and there are always going to be trade-offs - we develop more understanding of ourselves as get older what to give up on & what needs more focus.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 7:42 pm

pesek zman wrote:

Well that’s awesome that you have systems that work for you. The problem is that I can’t seem to find any system that works for me. I just float along and depend HEAVILY on my cleaning lady. If she ever cancels I feel like I’m drowning.

SuperWify

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 7:45 pm

I hear you! The struggle is real! I try to be organized and I create a menu on Sunday and shop for the week. Shabbos is very basic. I find that when we’re on a schedule life is much more manageable. For example I know that Sunday nights are leftovers Monday nights are a schnitzel Tuesday night is dairy and Wednesday’s a meatball or stew ect. I know that Monday morning and Thursday morning I go to the gym and Tuesday morning therapist and Wednesday morning is errands and appointments.

Maybe a time management coach can help you?

zaq

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 8:35 pm

Time management is a skill but even a time management PhD can’t pack 36 hours of work into a 24 hour day unless she’s Hermione Granger doing that time-shifting thing that enabled her to take two courses simultaneously. (Hey, I read the HP series when it first came out but neither memorized it nor read it more than once. Those of you who majored in HP in college know the term for that time-bending trick.)

There’s no shame in hiring a cleaner any more than there’s shame in hiring someone do your taxes.

The reality is that running a home and rearing a family is an incredible lot of work, and unless you have the metabolism of a nuclear power plant and are only a blur on the horizon when you get moving, something, or many somethings, gotta give. You may rely on prepared foods or cleaning help or a mother’s helper or simply endure a lower standard of everything. (Mitzvah notes “Zeesie got dressed today” scrawled on the back of a grocery receipt are par for the course. The teacher doesn’t expect hand-calligrapher sonnets.) You may eventually grow to accept rather than endure the balagan, or you may spend years gritting your teeth until your youngest finally leaves home and hey presto, suddenly the place stays tidy without much effort and you have the leisure to polish silver, arrange flowers and make strudel from scratch. Or take tuba lessons if you’d rather. There’s a right time for everything but it’s not necessarily right now.

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 8:38 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Honey, you were home with your kids all day?! Dunno about you, but that will just soak up my time! I’m assuming they didn’t just sit like angelic stones waiting to be served pizza...
And you did accomplish! Therapy, gym, baths, etc.
Now go pack some boxes and you’ll really feel like super mom!

mommy3b2c

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 9:00 pm

amother wrote:

But they watched a ton of TV🙈

Rachel Shira

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 9:18 pm

I was home with my 6 week old today and all I did besides take care of him was two loads of laundry (took all day) and I wiped down the kitchen counters. Yippee
If I took care of three kids plus got out of the house twice (especially since it included a self care thing like the gym) I would consider that a productive day.

amother

Navy

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 9:22 pm

For me when I'm not getting stuff done if I dig deep enough I find a reason for the psychological resistance. Usually related to a fear, anxiety, doubt or worry not readily apparent. Not enough time, too tired, no energy etc is usually just a rationalization. Does this resonate at all.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 9:24 pm

Rachel Shira wrote:

The thing is, they were watching a ton of tv, so I barely took care of them. And I am obsessed with the gym. I NEVER miss.

amother

Copper

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 9:30 pm

Appointments are so exhausting. Now I know why seniors are always so tired! I don't think its age! Its all those appointments.

I took my son to therapy today. I came home and just sat staring at the walls with zero energy. I made a pot of macaroni. My daughter asked for tuna. And I said, oh honey Mommy is so tired from all that yomtov cooking that I don't think I can manage it today. How about cheese?

My kids watched TV and played video games all day. No painting. No play dough. No art projects. No nothing.

I also did 2 loads of laundry. Except one is in the dryer unfolded. And the other is still wet in the washer and its the Shabbos stuff to hang up. I'm online instead. I will pay tomorrow because e/t will need to be ironed.... or not Smile

Who cares? its not like this every day. just some days..

amother

Olive

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 9:32 pm

amother wrote:

Who cares? its not like this every day. just some days..

Me too, two appointments today (for myself @ 32 weeks pregnant, and OT for my son).
Kids probably watched ~5 hours of videos.
1.5 loads of laundry, sink still mostly full of dishes (though the dish rack was emptied of the previous sinkful), counters cluttered.
Dinner was a pot of pasta, with butter/cheese as kids liked it.

That's all I got.
Yelled at my kids too much to forgive myself for "letting go" though. If I'm doing the bare housekeeping/childcare minimum, I should at least have more patience for their fighting/defiance.... I just wanna curl up in a ball and cry because I have NOTHING

mommy3b2c

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 9:36 pm

amother wrote:

Who cares? its not like this every day. just some days..

Where do you think my loads are? One in the washer, one in the dryer, and one unfolded in the laundry basket. And don’t think I will fold them. I won’t.

gold21

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 9:38 pm

Today I slept til 10:30 AM (kids are very off schedule from YT and they woke up around 9:30 and watched on the tablet for an hour, I got up at 10:30 when my toddler woke up)

Put up laundry

Swept

Tidied up kitchen, dining room, and living room

Gave breakfast (frozen pancakes and frozen pizza)

Dressed little kids, encouraged big ones to daven before chatzos

Watched younger ones play outside

More laundry

Grabbed something for myself to eat (apple sauce)

Gave lunch (spaghetti)

Laundry

Set the kids up to watch the movie Rattatouille (my toddler watched Blippi)

Watched the younger ones play outside some more

Laundry

Made myself a coffee

Served supper

Felt dizzy and weak and exhausted.

Heated up some chicken soup for myself to eat

Kids relaxed, then washed up and got into pajamas

Bedtime for little ones- big ones watching sports game on tablet

And I'm still wearing pajamas under my clothes. shock

. Yeah. I never actually got dressed today. Just threw a sweatshirt and stretch skirt over my pajamas.

And never did the grocery run I planned to do so still need to do that.

And I'm exhausted. Lol.

Last edited by gold21 on Wed, Oct 03 2018, 9:48 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Amber

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 9:48 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Can you change up what you do at the gym? If its draining you, rather than invigorating you - its not helping.

double pizza day! Lucky kids.

zaq

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 9:55 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

The thing is, I already DO all these things.

So pat yourself on the back and feel accomplished for already knowing all the tricks of the trade. The more you know, the less useful such articles are to you. Which is like saying the more you know about a topic, the less useful Topic for Dummies is going to be—for you. Not for a newbie who never heard of any of it.

Tricks of the trade can only lessen the burden but they can’t eliminate it entirely. Only hiring a full time household staff would do that—and then you’d still have to train, confer with and supervise them.
.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 10:00 pm

amother wrote:

Can you change up what you do at the gym? If its draining you, rather than invigorating you - its not helping.

double pizza day! Lucky kids.

There are way to many double pizza days in this house.

And the gym does not drain me. I love the gym. I do hardcore conditioning and gymnastics/parkour. It’s the happiest part of my day.