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Sheva Brachos on my own- ok to ask for help?
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amother




Beige


Post  Tue, Oct 09 2018, 9:06 pm
A woman from my community is getting married in a few weeks. She's an older single marrying a guy from out of state. They're getting married in his home state and then coming back here for the last few Sheva Brachos.

She doesn't have a huge social circle and honestly I'm not really great friends with her. We live near each other and shmooze every once in a while. I can't go to the wedding because of the cost and also I can't get off work, but I sent a message that I'd love to help with Sheva Brachos. Yesterday I got a message from her thanking me for the offer and here's the guest list- 50 people. Apparently I'm the only one who offered so I'm making Sheva Brachos alone. I had to call her to tell her that I can't invite the whole guest list because they won't fit in my house, to which she replied that maybe I can make in a nearby yeshiva's Simcha hall? I can't afford that! I thought I was going to make the appetizers, or the desserts, or even the main, but an entire Sheva Brachos for 50 people on my own?

Is it weird to call some of the people on the guest list to ask if they'd help out? Or is it better to just do a more simple meal like a yom tov meal- regular appetizer, soup, main, dessert- without monogram soup croutons and stuffed Cornish hens?

I don't want the kallah to feel shortchanged but I'm feeling a bit more than a bit overwhelmed.
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simba









  


Post  Tue, Oct 09 2018, 9:12 pm
Wow. That's really nice that you are even considering to do it all alone.
If you know the people on the guest list then I think you can call and ask for help. I wouldn't call randoms.
Can you tell her that you needed a few partners and ask her who she suggests. That would be the classiest.
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flowerpower









  


Post  Tue, Oct 09 2018, 9:20 pm
For sure get help! A ton of work goes into a sheva brachos. Even a simple one.
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tf









  


Post  Tue, Oct 09 2018, 9:33 pm
How aabout being honest with her in a very soft way tell her that this was not your intention and you really mean... You don't mean to pull back from Your offer, it's just that you cannot afford such a huge crowd and you expected up to x amount of people. Do you think it's too harsh? After all you ARE doing a sheva bruchos which is ultra nice in itself. If she's a mentshlicha person, she will most likely understand. She might have simply bbeen too overwhelmed to think clearly
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familyfirst









  


Post  Tue, Oct 09 2018, 10:07 pm
Honestly, the kallah sounds like she's pushing it.
You offered to help, not host, and definitely not out of the house and. Oy fir that many people.
Tell her you are happy to host but due to budget and time restrictions yiu will have to keep the crowd to a minimum (or smaller) and who else does she think could help with some dishes?
You're wonderful to do this
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notshanarishona









  


Post  Tue, Oct 09 2018, 10:12 pm
I would definitely ask around a few of her friends to help you. If there are really 50 people close enough to come probably some of them are close enough to want to be involved.
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amother




Sienna


Post  Tue, Oct 09 2018, 10:15 pm
yes not only ok to ask for help but necessary! You can be the point person.

id be honest with her -- warmly and kindly allowing for any possible miscommunication that may have happened -- either you can share it with a number of others or maybe consider doing it on your own for a very small crowd if you can. And yes out of those 50 people there should be enough who will be able to participate I'd hope.

is there a rebbetzin on your end or hers who can also pull people in and help?
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amother




Firebrick


Post  Tue, Oct 09 2018, 10:18 pm
If you dont know anyone on the guest list, perhaps you have some friends who would help you make it as a chessed. May making this sheva brachos be a zechut for you and your family!
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amother




Magenta


Post  Tue, Oct 09 2018, 10:19 pm
Maybe instead of one 7broches with 50 people you could find a couple of other groups of hosts and make 3 times about 20 ish people? (3 dinners). And personally I think simple and cheap is better anyway. Pasta with a couple of sauce choices (creamy/ tomatoey) , 3 big salads and a celebratory cake really is FINE.
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tf









  


Post  Tue, Oct 09 2018, 10:23 pm
amother wrote:
Maybe instead of one 7broches with 50 people you could find a couple of other groups of hosts and make 3 times about 20 ish people? (3 dinners). And personally I think simple and cheap is better anyway. Pasta with a couple of sauce choices (creamy/ tomatoey) , 3 big salads and a celebratory cake really is FINE.

OP meant 1 small sheva bruchos, not 3.
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amother




Sienna


Post  Tue, Oct 09 2018, 10:27 pm
probably kallah and chassan already have that planned

id keep it simple and focus on getting a crew together, a menu, and all that. Yes you can keep the menu and everything simple. Nice you are doing it!
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amother




Magenta


Post  Tue, Oct 09 2018, 10:28 pm
tf wrote:
OP meant 1 small sheva bruchos, not 3.


I know. What I meant was instead of getting people to help make a bigger one, make a small simple one (pasta and salad) and try to find other hosts for 2 other separate events. More fun that way. Because I understood that they were only having one.
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amother




Sienna


Post  Tue, Oct 09 2018, 10:41 pm
particularly if she has a small social circle and he is from out of town it can often be tough enough to cover one sheva brocha and hopefully she already covered the others
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amother




Beige


Post  Tue, Oct 09 2018, 11:20 pm
Thanks for ask the replies and suggestions.

I think I'm going to just be upfront with the kallah that I can either do it alone if she cuts the list down to 30 or get some of the other guests on board as hosts to keep the list as is.

Oy. I looked over the list and there's no one who is really shayach to help at all. Maybe someone could go buy ice cream for dessert, but not much more than that. Also she's told a lot of these people they're invited already (many can't make it to the wedding). How do you uninvite people from a Sheva Brachos? It's going to be very awkward whichever way we go.
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amother




Honeydew


Post  Tue, Oct 09 2018, 11:23 pm
50 people on a guest list is no small social circle in my world, ya know Wink
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justforfun87









  


Post  Tue, Oct 09 2018, 11:23 pm
That's crazy. I would call her back and say directly. I am only able to invite X amount of people, please let me know who you would like that to be.
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tf









  


Post  Tue, Oct 09 2018, 11:25 pm
amother wrote:
Thanks for ask the replies and suggestions.

I think I'm going to just be upfront with the kallah that I can either do it alone if she cuts the list down to 30 or get some of the other guests on board as hosts to keep the list as is.

Oy. I looked over the list and there's no one who is really shayach to help at all. Maybe someone could go buy ice cream for dessert, but not much more than that. Also she's told a lot of these people they're invited already (many can't make it to the wedding). How do you uninvite people from a Sheva Brachos? It's going to be very awkward whichever way we go.

I did not write that I am OP. I wrote to refer to you that you meant something different than the other poster understood. Please go back and read it again so you see what I mean. I'm sorry you understood wrong.
ETA- I'm sorry. I was going to answer this to amother Beige and it landed here instead.
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simba









  


Post  Tue, Oct 09 2018, 11:27 pm
OP. If you are in brooklyn I can make a dish to contribute.
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amother




Beige


Post  Tue, Oct 09 2018, 11:36 pm
amother wrote:
50 people on a guest list is no small social circle in my world, ya know Wink


I thought the same thing- how would she have 50 people to invite? But it's not like they're close friends. It's half important people in the community and the other half people like neighbors, old teachers, that kind of thing.
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amother




Turquoise


Post  Tue, Oct 09 2018, 11:36 pm
You offered to help - and she turned you into a host (the only host!) and provided you a guest list for the event your hosting. Yikes.

I would kindly ask her who else is "helping" if you can't locate a co-host or two for yourself.
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