Would you rather...

FranticFrummie

Mon, Oct 22 2018, 11:08 am

Would you rather have your child become secular or just Shomer Shabbos,

OR

Would you rather have them join an extremist Jewish cult?

I've been thinking about this topic lately. I raised DD to question authority. She questions me, her teachers, her friends, everything. Right now, she's questioning religion and not keeping Shabbos. On the other hand, she's thinking for herself, researching, and learning.

Kids who are expected to stay in the box, sit still, behave, don't cause problems, are often just fine. I just wonder though, if black and white thinking can make kids more susceptible to cults. Cults promise to give them all the answers, and do their thinking for them. This feels very safe and "right".

Many cults also refer to themselves as "the family" (like Charles Manson) which can be appealing if the child feels like their thoughts and feelings are being invalidated by their birth family.

There has to be a middle way. I think kids need to be allowed a little wiggle room to ask more questions, draw conclusions, make decisions, and face consequences. They need to learn life skills and life lessons.

If we are going to cult-proof our children, we need to be as proactive as we were when they were little, and we were worried about stranger danger and molestation. We taught our little ones how to keep their bodies safe and come get help. We also need to teach them how to keep their minds safe, and to ask questions from the right people (parents, teachers, etc.) without making them feel awkward, stupid, or ashamed.

Just as a child molester might have a long beard and a kippah, a brain washer might also look like everyone else at shul.

It's a slippery slope. The burqa ladies took tznius just one step too far. Lev Tahor started out looking like they had good intentions. The Hari Krishas just want peace and love. Heaven's Gate just wanted to make sure they were going to survive the end of the world.

The more we educate ourselves about how cults work, the better armed we will be. If you have Netflix, there are several excellent documentaries on the subject. There is one on deprogramming which was really sad, because you see how rarely it works, and how traumatic it is for the whole family.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Oct 23 2018, 6:29 am

I think being allowed to ask questions, in regards to anything in life, especially religion, is extremely important.
I know that if I would not have asked questions, about a specific thing in religion, about 20 years ago, I probably would not be religious now.
To not be allowed to ask questions is the worst thing in the world.
We are not meant to be sheep just following the shepherd. We are meant to know what we are doing and know why as well. Otherwise the meaning behind things get lost and then bad things happen, all around.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Oct 23 2018, 9:34 am

amother wrote:

I think that’s what her daughter is up to- from how I read it.

That was awkwardly phrased. Sorry about that.

I meant a person could be a "traditional Jew", but not observant; or maybe only keeps Shabbos, but not keep kosher; or identifies intellectually as a Jew, but might date a non Jew. Kind of somewhere in that spectrum. What most people would call OTD, but not meaning that the person is doing drugs or being a bum. I guess, your typical assimilated American type Jew.

Raisin

Tue, Oct 23 2018, 10:22 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

shomer shabbos usually means a person keeps other basic mitzvos like kosher and mikvah. (and marries a Jew) I know people who keep kosher but not shabbos but not usually the other way round.

Obviously none of those options are great options, but yes, I wouldn't want my kid in a cult where her daughters might be married off at 12.