My kids have a strict bedtime, AMA

Reality

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 10:58 am

ectomorph wrote:

you said I am a bad mother and I politely requested you take it back.

Please dont act like you're the victim here.

Wow. I have never gotten into a disagreement with anyone here. I'm usually pretty boring.

Where did I say you are a bad mother? I said maybe people shouldn't take your advice.

ectomorph

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 11:01 am

oliveoil wrote:

Do you like your kids?

How much time per day do they get with you?

I love them and I like them

6 hours minimum on school days for the ones in preschool the rest are home with me.

I dont sleep train until 12 months unless the child trains themselves before that. So little babies are not on a schedule. I do find my babies tend to adjust themselves to the schedule though. Like my current infant sleeps from 4-8 which is bedtime for everyone else and wakes up at 8-10 then sleeps thru the night.

I nurse on demand but I do wake up the baby at 6 With everyone else. That way they nap during the morning commute.

ectomorph

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 11:02 am

Reality wrote:

Wow. I have never gotten into a disagreement with anyone here. I'm usually pretty boring.

Where did I say you are a bad mother? I said maybe people shouldn't take your advice.

look at the first page where you said im a poor mother and shouldnt be giving advice. That was mean and uncalled for.

mha3484

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 11:27 am

I work full time so as much as there is benefit for an early bed time my kids need their mother so it doesnt work for us. I have many friends who do what OP does its not that rare.

My question is, when your kid is old enough to read and know about fun stuff like Avos U Bonim on Motzei Shab or we have men and boys swimming during the summer or really any other advertised fun social event how do you handle it? Do you just flat out say no you cant go? Do you relax your rules at some point? My son looks forward to these things and would be so upset if I made him go to sleep instead.

renslet

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 11:28 am

I put my 3&5 year old to sleep between 6 and 7, it can be hard but but I do it cuz they will get up regardless at 6am, if anyone has any ideas how to get them to sleep later in the morning, I'm all ears.
Friday night depends on how late Shabbos is and sometimes they nap and then stay up but I always regret it the next day. I just feel that they shouldn't miss the Shabbos meal every week.

ectomorph

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 11:36 am

mha3484 wrote:

I live oot and we don't have So many options for activities. I haven't encountered this yet.

But anything everyone is doing I won't keep them from. Im sure I'll relax the rules at some point.

I do sometimes have to be flexible. Like one child is sick and another woke up after going to sleep and I let them stay up a bit and 'help' cook for shabbos. because the one who woke up needed more mommy time because I couldn't give him or her lots of attention that day .

ectomorph

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 11:52 am

little neshamala wrote:

At what age would you let your child stay up for the shabbos meal every week? (Includng when shabbos starts later)

when they request to and aren't satisfied with my mock seuda

gingleale

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 11:53 am

When my kids were that little they all went to bed between 6:30 and 7 and slept till 7 the next morning. I never woke them up to put them on a schedule. Some of them even napped till age 4 and still needed 12 hours of sleep at night. We never let them stay up on a regular Friday night etc unless there was an usual circumstance -- bedtime always happened at bedtime. Even when away at my parents or in-laws for shabbos or yom tov. Some kids just need lots of sleep and on the rare occasions we deviated from the schedule we all suffered the next day.

SixOfWands

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 12:04 pm

I'm assuming that you don't work outside the home.

What time does your husband arrive home, and is he able to spend substantial time with the children other than Shabbat.

ectomorph

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 12:22 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

I'm assuming that you don't work outside the home.

What time does your husband arrive home, and is he able to spend substantial time with the children other than Shabbat.

correct. If I work I work from home.

My husband does not spend time with the kids other than shabbos and sunday. Very intense work schedule. He often works Sunday too so I can't count on it

nchr

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 12:26 pm

Harried mama wrote:

I assure you you will not be putting your 8th grader to sleep at 7:30. Nor will your 12th grader be in bed by 9. Speaking as a mom of older kids who also had all her kids in bed very early when they were young.

My bedtime was 9:00 when I was in 12th grade and I was always in bed at that time.

ectomorph

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 12:29 pm

gingleale wrote:

so interesting. Every kid and family is different!

SixOfWands

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 12:31 pm

nchr wrote:

My bedtime was 9:00 when I was in 12th grade and I was always in bed at that time.

How did you do it?

My high schoolers are in school until about 5:15. Assuming that they don't have any after-school activities (and since they all play sports and participate in other activites, that's rare), they're home by 6. Most days, they have at least a couple of hours, if not more, of homework and studying. Add dinner and a shower, they would have zero time to themselves if they went to bed at 9.

little neshamala

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 12:33 pm

nchr wrote:

My bedtime was 9:00 when I was in 12th grade and I was always in bed at that time.

That is NOT typical! I want to say thats crazy but I dont want to offend you...howdid you do that? Whyyy?? What about your social life?

SixOfWands

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 12:36 pm

ectomorph wrote:

did you feel like you lost out?

You didn't address that to me, but I'll answer.

Yes. I feel like I lost out.

Our bedtime wasn't as early as yours, but it was before my father got home. We never had dinner as a family. We never got to spend time with my father. Turns out he's a pretty cool guy, but we never really knew that until we were adults.

He lost out as well.

Fortunately for him, he's got a second chance with his grandkids, and he's a rockstar with them.

And we missed out on other things. On activities that other kids got to do. On just hanging out when we were in elementary school. Lots of things.

While I'm sure I've made plenty of other mistakes, an early, strict bedtime isn't one of them. Strict bedtime for younger kids? Yes. But much later than 6.

nchr

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 12:37 pm

ectomorph wrote:

did you feel like you lost out?

No. I just did all of my homework, ate a small dinner, showered and went to bed. If I had more homework to do, I did it quietly in my room without coming out, and I often studied at 5:00am for tests. I don't understand why you need to socialize on school nights?