How to add spirituality to my house?

amother

Olive

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 2:06 pm

My 10 year old son is not spiritually inclined. He makes comments about Gemara being boring and only wants to learn English subjects. He also talks all day how he wants to be a lawyer which I don’t mind but he’s just so obsessed with it. He has no interest in saying his divrei Torah at the table and is kinda snarky about anything yiddishkeit related.
We are a pretty regular Lakewood family.
I’m thinking that our family is not at all spiritual and maybe we need to inject some yiddishkeit more throughout the day- like thanking Hashem etc.
Any ideas how to do this naturally or what you do to make your lives more spiritual?

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 2:08 pm

The dictionary has two definitions for ''spiritual''. Which one are you referring to?

spir·it·u·al
/ˈspiriCH(o͞o)əl/Submit
adjective
1.
relating to or affecting the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.
"I'm responsible for his spiritual welfare"
synonyms: nonmaterial, incorporeal, intangible; More
2.
relating to religion or religious belief.
"the tribe's spiritual leader"
synonyms: religious, sacred, divine, holy, nonsecular, church, ecclesiastical, faith-based, devotional
"spiritual writings"

amother

Olive

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 2:10 pm

amother wrote:

Probably number 2. I want to bring Hashem into our regular , mundane activities throughout the day.

amother

Burgundy

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 2:17 pm

I'm a big believer in stories instilling she-ifos. I try to find opportunities to tell tzaddikim stories (shabbos seudah, etc). My kids love hearing the stories (especially the exciting olden day stories) and it's a great way to instill in them she-ifos for mesirus nefesh, Torah learning etc

amother

Olive

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 2:21 pm

amother wrote:

Thank you- he’s a big reader so I would get some books for him.

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 2:21 pm

amother wrote:

I think this is nice for young kids. For a ten-year-old...I think it's too late. I may be wrong.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 2:24 pm

So we make a point to speak about hashem in our everyday. Hashem thanks for this fab parking space. Please hashem help us find a nice suit for yom tov. I do it and once I did it for a while the kids began to pick up on it. Lots of talk about how hashem loves us and cares for us. I tell this to the kids from very young. So when they are upset bc they by mistake turned on a light on shabbos I will say " hashem knows you did it by mistake and loves you. He's just waitinf to see more mitsvah. " or something to that effect.

amother

Burgundy

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 2:26 pm

I don't think it's ever too late, but I think it's definitely much more effective when they're younger and soak everything up. That's why I suggested telling the stories at the shabbos table, because even if he won't read them on his own or listen to them individually, at the Shabbos table you can purport to be telling them to your younger kids or your husband and he will hopefully end up listening too.

The most important thing of course, is to nurture a positive relationship with him. A child who has a good relationship with his parents generally will want to please them and follow on their path. But I'm following this thread too for some more ideas of how to infuse more ruchnius into the kids' every day lives!

amother

Olive

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 3:11 pm

Learning wrote:

Does he have good rebbi at school. I think it’s sometime depends on the rebbi if he has good connection with him. Maybe you can try to find a rebbi that will inspire him. I think he needs a male figure

He actually doesn’t like his Rebbi this year.

amother

Gray

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 3:13 pm

amother wrote:

Remember we need to teach each child to their way. If secular law is what floats his boat, then you can start there. A good way to fuse Torah with secular law might be showing him how the U.S. Constitution and Aseres Hadibros have common elements; talking about the history of Jewish Justices in the Supreme Court etc. This will more likely pique his interest in Yiddishkeit vs artificially infused spirituality. Also, maybe point out that the analytical skills that you learn in Gemora will help him a lot in law school.

It’s great you’d like to add spirituality to your lives and I wish you mazel. Just don’t lose sight of who your DC is and wants to be. Hatzlacha.

ellacoe

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 3:13 pm

It sounds like if you come down to heavy on him it might have the opposite effect. Perhaps begin by infusing it in subtle ways. Being thankful to Hashem for small things, BH I caught the bus, BH you were on time for school, Hashem is really looking out for you. Try and relate it to things that apply to him. Meaning if he plays sports, wow BH you scored a goal. And even when things don't go well, it looks bad now, but Hashem knows whats best for us. It might be helpful to mention mitzvos, I.e. please help set the table, you're helping me and you get part of the mitzvah of preparing for Shabat. These are just examples, apply them to areas that are applicable to you and your family.

Telling Hashgacha Pratis stories, but not sitting down and saying lets tell stories, introduce it in a more off hand matter. You will never believe what happened to me today,.........., and end off with it was such Hashgacha Pratis.

A general infusion of HKBH in every day occurrences will help lift the spirituality in the house.

amother

Olive

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 3:23 pm

ellacoe wrote:

ThNk you- I like these practical ideas.

Mommyg8

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 3:27 pm

Rabbi Fischel Schachter has story CD's which can be appropriate for 10 year olds. They're really good.

Biographies of tzaddikim if he's a reader, or maybe the family medrash says are also some good books to encourage.

But don't pressure at all - that will definitely backfire.

penguin

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 3:29 pm

I can't find the story now, maybe someone will have a link (I think it was in a Torah Anytime Newsletter but not the last few).

A child had gone off the derech (lo aleynu v'lo aleychem) and a godol told the parent to work on hakaras hatov and simcha, to thank Hashem for everything and appreciate being a Yid.

Well, they worked on this for a few weeks and then came Pesach. The OTD child passed through the dining room a few times and seemed to listen a bit. The second night he asked his parents if they mind if he joins the seder.

Soon enough he asked the father if he minds if son comes with him to shul.

Turns out, he said, that he was not a happy person and thought maybe there's happiness "out there". He oon realized there was no greater happiness "out there", but then again, his home wasn't particularly happy, so why not be frei and at least have no restrictions.

But then he realized the home was different and from what he heard the first Seder night he wanted to hear more. He saw that his parent and siblings really were happy to be Yidden and to live a Torah life, and decided to give it another try.

I hope I have conveyed the essence of the story. I am sure encouraging your children to share stories of Hashgacha Pratis, things they are grateful for, can be a positive thing.

dbw

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 3:33 pm

Be careful that he washes negel vasser (preferably near his bed) every day. These are good books for him to read, Voices in the Silence (Basya Barg), To Remain A Jew, All For The Boss, Go My Son (C. Shapiro) Stories of mesirus nefesh for yiddishkeit can inspire children. Tell over stories from Emunah Daily. Recite brachos out loud (your kids see you are talking to someone). Don't underestimate the power of tefilah. Daven for him every day. Here's a powerful lecture worth listening to. It will change your whole outlook on tefilah:
https://www.torahanytime.com/#.....67273

Kiwi13

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 3:43 pm

Maybe start an ongoing dialogue. Share what spirituality means to you - how you connect to Hashem, the beauty you see and experience in living a Torah observant life, etc. - and invite him to share honestly with you. Allow him space to be real about any distaste for it that he might have or any other struggles. Invite him to ask questions. Make it a comfortable topic of discussion. This kind of thing needs to be real. No cutesy gimmicks.