Chanukah party | Imamother

amother

Firebrick

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:03 pm

Wwyd if you heard your mil is not making a family party this year & thru grapevine you also heard that she is expecting each of her married children to invite her, for another night of Chanuka, for dinner? Would you?

amother

Pink

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:08 pm

amother wrote:

Why not?

thunderstorm

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:11 pm

I would if it's not too difficult for me to do.
It's nice for each family to get one on one attention from Bobby and Zaidy. If you are a newlywed then it's a nice time to bond as well.

amother

Pink

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:26 pm

amother wrote:

Nobody has place for entire family in their house. We've already done Chanukah parties in a hall for couple of years

What's really bothering you about this? Is it the fact that there won't be a family chanukah party anymore, or the fact that you would need to host your parents?

jewishmom6

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:28 pm

I could just so see my MIL doing this. Its so her type.
I wouldnt mind having her depending on the reason she is not making one for the family.
For me it would be a little intimidating for her to go from one family to the next night after night but whatever. Its nice for children to spend a night just with their grandmother.

allthingsblue

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:29 pm

I might be sad to miss out on the camaraderie of a family Chanukah party but I would happily have my mother in law over for dinner one night and the kids would be thrilled

teachkids

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:29 pm

I think it makes perfect sense. They can't manage to have everyone at once, but want to spend time.
Pick up your phone and invite them for dinner one night. She's not expecting you to make a party, just invite them for dinner.

InnerMe

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:33 pm

amother wrote:

The bolded doesn't sit well with me.. why would she do it "through the grapevine?"
In any event, if it's not hard for you to do it then why not? But if it's not practical or the right time for you then skip it..

amother

Firebrick

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:42 pm

It's a lot of stuff that are bothering me. Would you say in such a case that children feel entitled to have a Chanukah party or is mom acting entitled to be hosted every night but without contributing towards it? In other words she wants to see the children & grandchildren but without the work?

thunderstorm

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:50 pm

amother wrote:

I totally understand your MIL. By the way , in many families even if the Chanuka party takes place in MILs house, all the food and set up is taken care of by the married kids so that all she's is doing is shepping nachas in her house.
She may find that she doesn't get to spend enough time with the grandkids when there are so many people around and that she will have more quality time by spending it individually.
My MIL started doing this a few years ago. We feel privileged to have my inlaws over for a dinner, a game of dreidel just with my kids etc.

Last edited by thunderstorm on Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:50 pm; edited 1 time in total

sirel

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:50 pm

I hate when things are not upfront, so I might not invite them unless they asked, or even hinted, let's get together one night. But if they ask? Of course I'll have them.

Basic kibud av vaem.

Since when do parents have to work in order to spend time with their grandchildren?

thunderstorm

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:53 pm

sirel wrote:

It's possible the MIL doesn't want to impose on DIL or give her pressure so she must've mentioned it to her kids only instead of DIL since she may feel stressed over the idea. I think being indirect is coming from a caring place. Unless I just read things differently.

allthingsblue

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:59 pm

amother wrote:

It's a LOT more work to host a party than to host just one person who probably doesn't even eat that much... I wouldn't even consider hosting my mother in law to be "work." I'd make a presentable dinner, maybe serve it on Chanukah paper goods, maybe have a game and donuts for dessert... in fact it would be helpful for me because she'd help entertain the kids and keep them from fighting or making a racket Smile

amother

Firebrick

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 5:03 pm

This year she might have a reason why she isn't making a party, do you think if we all invite her this year, then that's gonna happen every year & we can say goodbye to our once a year family get together?

ra_mom

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 5:04 pm

I was sad when we didn't have one of our usual parties one year because M wasn't up to it. I tried to get all the couples to chip in toward a hall so we could have it as usual but it wasn't feasible for some. That would have been the best thing because then the kids don't miss out. When that doesn't work I invite one family or grandparents so we can still enjoy Chanukah with family.
The other side M hasn't been able to host in years and each of us take a turn hosting. It can be difficult when it's one family's turn and they're not really up to it but have to push themselves anyway. But the kids thrive on it.

ra_mom

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 5:06 pm

OP I wonder if you would have just heard that your MIL isn't up to hosting this year, if you would have called her up on your own to warmly invite her for a dinner with your family one Chanukah night.
Could it be the expectation of obligation (and the indirect way of letting you know) is what's bothering you?

Last edited by ra_mom on Tue, Nov 27 2018, 5:51 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Firebrick

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 5:12 pm

Im all for Kibad av v'aim. It's a nice thing to host in-laws why not? It's the whole attitude & idea behind it that I don't like. If you decide on your own that your making a nice meal why not call over grandparents too, ok! The fact that she is expecting invitations without telling us, do we even have to know about this arrangement? It's the entire dynamics of the relationship we have.