My DD sometimes purposefully acts "mentally ill"

amother

Khaki

Mon, Dec 03 2018, 11:04 pm

Suffice it to say, my DD has 2 older siblings, both whom have or are taking up their fare share of parenting and then some with their own personal mental health issues. My youngest will be having great day and then inexplicably, she will start acting out doing bizarre things such as cry and yell and rock in her bed and say she is a horrible person or she should just die CVH. Or kick the wall or bang her head or hyperventilate. Or say how nobody at school likes her. Any multitude of negative concerning statements. It's clearly attention seeking which I don't want to promote but at the same time, obviously she is feeling neglected and I try to remedy as best I can. Is this a typical tactic or is my child modeling what she sees?

amother

Mustard

Mon, Dec 03 2018, 11:40 pm

OP how old is your daughter? I find it hard to believe that a healthy girl would do this on purpose just to get attention. There are so many other ways she can get attention. I would take this seriously.

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, Dec 04 2018, 12:12 am

Is this similar to what the other siblings with mental health issues do? Could be learned behavior to seek attention as you said. Otherwise-no, not typical. Possibility of getting a 'big sister' , aunt, bubby (or adopted bubby) involves to give some attention?

amother

Chartreuse

Tue, Dec 04 2018, 2:42 am

I'd say it's attention seeking only if she knows kids who behave like this and get attention.
Otherwise it's quite drastic behaviour to get attention. Why would she come up with that stuff? If I wanted attention badly I'd just cry or bag my mom or something. But then again I do remember my friend's brother who was 10 , he'd always walk against the wall or hit his head on the wall to get the attention away from the newborn.

Iymnok

Tue, Dec 04 2018, 6:56 am

amother wrote:

Only a person with a sort of depression can come up with so many negative statements and expressions including self depreciation and harm.
She needs compassion and help.
These are far from typical behaviors.
Since you have other kids with mental health issues, she may have a higher tendency to such as well.
An evaluation is very worthwhile.

You may want therapy or mentoring for yourself to help deal with the challenges in your children.

amother

Orchid

Tue, Dec 04 2018, 7:34 am

Iymnok wrote:

Someone without depression but with siblings who are engaging in these behaviors could also exhibit them. Unfortunately, I have seen my "regular" kids learn negative behaviors and communication from their challenged older brother. And now they need to unlearn them, and relearn appropriate ones. So still therapy, but without an assumption of a disorder.

Chayalle

Tue, Dec 04 2018, 9:11 am

To add to all of the above, I just want to say this as a special-needs sibling: Even if she is normal, she may need more attention than others because she is coping as their sibling, and sometimes it's alot to cope with. She is letting you know, and her needs are no less valid than her siblings.

I often used to shmooze with one of my siblings, about how amazing it was for my youngest siblings that by the time they were growing up, there was this wonderful organization in our city (that didn't exist when I was a kid) that addressed the needs of the siblings of special-needs kids - with fun workshops, special trips, and even Shabbatons. It gave them that extra attention and helped them feel "special" in a positive way. It made it easier for them to accept my special-needs sibling and his challenges. I saw how much it benefited them.

seeker

Tue, Dec 04 2018, 9:25 am

amother wrote:

It's certainly true that dysfunctional behavior can be learned or even just used for attention seeking. What I'm questioning is how one can be "absolutely sure" that is all it is in any given situation. And even if it is, you can't write it off as "just" attention seeking when the child's needs are real and they may also have a lot of internal confusion as a result of living with such difficult siblings.

anonymrs

Tue, Dec 04 2018, 9:57 am

I don’t know about the environmental factors(like siblings behaviors) but my first thought is PANS. It sounds like the type of neuro stuff displayed by kids with brain inflammation. Have you ever had your house checked for mold? Did this behavior start after any type of infection, With or without delayed onset?

Ema of 5

Tue, Dec 04 2018, 10:13 am

anonymrs wrote:

What is PANS?

amother

Orchid

Tue, Dec 04 2018, 11:04 am

seeker wrote:

Agreed. We don't know. Hopefully, a good diagnostician and therapist can find out. We just need to be very careful with labels.

InnerMe

Tue, Dec 04 2018, 1:25 pm

seeker wrote:

I'm curious how you can know for sure that it's "clearly attention seeking" and not an actual expression of intense pain.

No, it's not typical.

Another vote for this.
This isn't normal by any stretch.

anonymrs

Tue, Dec 04 2018, 2:17 pm

eema of 3 wrote:

What is PANS?

Pediatric autoimmune neuropsychiatric syndrome. Inflammation of the brain usually triggered by mold or infection which causes psychiatric symptoms in children. (In a nutshell lol, it’s actually pretty complex, difficult to identify and diagnose.)

Ema of 5

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 9:43 am

anonymrs wrote:

Thanks!