Let's Write the Next Great Frum Novel

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Forum -> Hobbies, Crafts, and Collections -> The Imamother Writing Club

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Sunny Days

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 8:53 pm

This thread has me Rolling Laughter

Thanks everyone! what talent!
Who remembers the game broken telephone? this is an improved, adult version!

MitzadSheini

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 8:58 pm

"Moshiach Moshiach Moshiach" sang Mrs Baruch 's cellphone as it vibrated on the corner of the table.

"Sorry girls, I forgot to put the phone away.". As her left hand patted he sheital, she reached with her right hand to disconnect the call and put the phone away in her pocket book until the girls were all tucked up in bed. Glancing down, she noticed that the call was from an unrecognized number beginning with 44. " That's a little strange" she thought, and in her confusion, accidently answered the call.

The lilting sounds of an unfamiliar English voice could be heard through the speaker.

"Barnet Enfield and Haringey hospital. Am I speaking with Mrs BoarRoach?"

SuperWify

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 9:07 pm

Rubber Ducky wrote:

We can just frum it up a little. Remember, she's a BT. Like this:

...They spent hours and hours in the Land of Make Believe until she started kindergarten. And then everything changed.

Great that makes it better. Kosher vyosher

thunderstorm

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 9:08 pm

SuperWify wrote:

Great that makes it better. Kosher vyosher

You are one eidel meidel of an editor. I gotta say 😀

PinkFridge

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 9:18 pm

Iymnok wrote:

(Camp Ramah is a co-Ed conservative Camp. There was, and is, no Rebbetzin and she certainly did not care about refinement.)
Carry on...

I just want you to know I liked this post from p. 1 and the immediate pp.

And would anyone like to set up ~~a drinking~~ an oh, Idk, chocolate chip, contest?

PinkFridge

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 9:21 pm

mommy2379 wrote:

Enter modern day brooding teenage character that has no connection to the storyline in any way shape or form.
Joey takes out his iphone from his pocket, in preparation to snap the picture he's waiting to capture. Passerby hurry down the darkening path, but joey just stands there. waiting. waiting...

I haven't read further than p. 2, this, the first post.
Prediction: Joey is really Yosel.

PinkFridge

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 9:21 pm

mommy2379 wrote:

Snap back to Rivka and YYB-
"YYB. You're scaring me. Why does the FBI keep calling? What is going on? You have to tell me!" She straightens her sheital that had been knocked askew from all the hysteria.

Trying not to beta read but does the FBI show FBI on caller ID?

Sunny Days

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 9:22 pm

I'm not good at writing, but obviously this is the part where the tear soaked Tehilim comes into play.

PinkFridge

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 9:26 pm

gamzehyaavor wrote:

Patting the sheital is the reason we must get every older- novel- single get married asap.

If "patting the sheitel" were a thread title, it would would be in the Mafia thread.
("Mafia!" Slowly, she turns, step by step, inch by inch.)

Sunny Days

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 9:28 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

If "patting the sheitel" were a thread title, it would would be in the Mafia thread.
("Mafia!" Slowly, she turns, step by step, inch by inch.)

Shh. The FBI are on your heals.

Last edited by Sunny Days on Wed, Dec 05 2018, 9:28 pm; edited 1 time in total

PinkFridge

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 9:28 pm

amother wrote:

Even the delivery person from Evergreen knew to only ring once.

Another Mafia thread candidate.

Sunny Days

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 9:40 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

What were all those beeping noises and voices in the distance? Malkie tried opening her eyes but they felt heavy. "Where am I? Why do my eyelids feel like lead?"
Suddenly a calm unfamiliar voice said "Malka, Malka, do you feel me touching your toes? If you do blink your eyes"
Malkie felt a pinch on her big toe and tried to blink once, but her eyes refused to open...
"Malka, you were in a car accident and you are lucky that you are alive. We are doing whatever we can to make you feel comfortable. How's your pain?"
Malkie couldnt even feel if she was in pain. She felt numb and disoriented...

Wait, I have a "kasha uif di maisa". Was she taken to the hospital by a male or female medic??

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 10:10 pm

Rivka stared at Joey as she self consciously patted her sheitel. She was surprised Joey still recognized her. He put his hand out. Rivka’s mind was going haywire as her brain quickly imagined how the Rebbetzin would handle a situation like this. “Joey, I can’t shake your hand because of religious reasons. Nothing personal.”
Joey narrowed his eyes. “You think you’re better than the rest of us now, eh?” Rivka shivered as she silently began davening to Hashem. “Please Hashem, I will never ever complain about Yaakov Yosef Baruch again, I will always be nice to my mother in law and I’ll even forgive her for the nasty comments she made last night, I’ll start davening three times a day and perhaps this will inspire Yaakov Yitzchak Baruch to do the same.” The tears slowly started falling as Joey rummaged through a fat file. Clearly, it was judgement day.

syrima

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 10:16 pm

..........

The octogenarian Rav of Ohavei Sheinah stared unseeing through his bifocals at the geraniums on the kitchen table, as a glass of tea sat cooling by his elbow. The light of the overhead lamp shed a warm glow on his lined and solemn face, also illuminating the worn linoleum floor, laminate counters, and vintage avocado green appliances. His meager salary did not allow for frequent kitchen renovations, a sacrifice that he and his Rebbetzin gladly gave for the sake of Torah. As his shul was suffering from numerous breakaway basement minyanim, and his core of loyal congregants moved into retirement, the Rav was unsure of how long his position would last. There were machers on the board who were convinced that the shul's ticket to financial stability lay in investing in airline miles due to their nontaxable status. They had approved investing most of the shul's liquid assets in this unusual way. The Rav didn't quite understand the details of the deal, he wasn't sure most board members really understood them either. But the general consensus was that since the enterprise was run by good frum yidden there was no harm in trying it out. And one of the partners, the rising star in the firmament of the airline miles exchange company, was none other than their very own Yoeli Yonasan Baruch. A fine boy, from an ehrliche family, with a good head on his shoulders. Nu, he was in the habit of coming late to davening, but still, he showed up. And he had made a nice presentation at the last board meeting, with a lot of big words in it. Yes, the Rav nodded to himself as he stroked his long white beard, this yid just might be the answer to all of his tefilos. He gently smiled as he sipped his tea.

Hashem_Yaazor

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 10:52 pm

watergirl wrote:

Challenge issued: To use all of these terms in a new frum novel:

The cover will have either:

1) A diamond ring
2) A far off castle
3) A piece of paper from a teen's notbook
4) A chess piece

Winner wins.... not sure yet. Each person can add a few paragraphs. READY? GO!

You forgot the setting option of that non-existent community in the middle of nowhere but yet near enough to other fictitious big cities. And these non-existent small cities still have multiple school options, a kollel, competing sheitel machers, and everything a bigger town would have, even though it's considered small. The only thing missing is the fancy restaurant that they have to travel a half an hour for to get to the big city.

trixx

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 11:02 pm

This is amazing please keep going
I am thoroughly entertained. Bet if you compiled it all an editor would actually publish it lol

sirel

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 1:17 am

Joey the FBI agent is Joey the bum standing at the corner?
we should flesh out his backstory

SuperWify

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 3:56 am

thunderstorm wrote:

You are one eidel meidel of an editor. I gotta say 😀

Excuse me, how else do you want to get published?

Mentioning a teenage crush is tantamount to a rated R movie 🙄

mommy2379

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 4:16 am

PinkFridge wrote:

Trying not to beta read but does the FBI show FBI on caller ID?

Oh Pink Fridge- this is a FRUM novel. things aren't allowed to make too much sense, plot holes and head scratching are required in the genre.

mommy2379

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 4:27 am

Interrupting this riveting novel to mention to all you talented ladies out there- Mishpacah is having a fiction contest. Be the change you want to see in the world and submit something truly original, different, entertaining, nuanced with no cliche's and no sheital patting! If you're looking to raise the bar of frum lit- now's your chance. Alrighty-back to the saga of YYB and Rivka

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