Would you consider having a baby at 47?

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 6:24 pm

Raisin wrote:

I possibly would in those circumstances. But as others mentioned, very low chance (but not impossible especially since you already have kids) of it happening naturally. Or even via IVF or other help with your own egg. So hopefully you live in a place where treatment is covered, or you have a lot of money to cover this.

He should have a lot of money to cover this - as this would be for him.

amother

Coffee

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 7:36 pm

The OP isn't looking for a full analysis of what her future marriage may look like. The Rav paskened that the man she is dating can only marry someone who can potentially bear children. She simply wants to know if at the age of 47 she has that potential. The short answer is yes. The long answer is that it'll be much more complicated than a normal 20-30 year old woman having a baby.

dancingqueen

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 7:45 pm

amother wrote:

Wouldn’t it more accurately be “maybe”?

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 7:45 pm

amother wrote:

The chance of a women at 47 conceiving is about 1% and even if she does, there is an 80% miscarriage rate in first trimester

Totally not true!!
It’s a 50/50 chance as long as the woman is ovulating.

Anyway, weird question to ask a bunch of strangers. I’m sure if you have another baby you’ll be a great mother!

A friend of mine just had her first child at the age of 48. She only married at 46. It’s much harder for the body to conceive in the 40’s for the first time. Not as hard if there were other pregnancies.

Whatever you do with this prospective shidduch make sure you have a rav to guide you.

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 7:48 pm

amother wrote:

Where do you get a 50/50 chance from? That's nonsense.

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 7:57 pm

amother wrote:

Ask any doctor. Why do you think you know better?

I spent many many years at infertility clinics. Any doctor there would say that egg quality decreases with age. Bad eggs don't make babies.

amother

Beige

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 8:07 pm

The down syndrome fear I guess is real. But then again, they are very precious neshomas & if ch"v that was the case, I think I would feel privileged to raise that child.

On the other hand, how safe would it be for me to carry a pregnancy?[/quote]

Ds child happens randomly to any woman at any age, no guarantee against that for anyone! They're yummy precious kids...

At age 25 I was told that my ovaries look 20 years older (like a 45 yr old) and my chances to conceive are extremely low. I've had fertility issues, but then conceived many times since bh over the next 11 years!!! Yes, a gorgeous DS son and a miscarriage and one with a medical issue but having loads of Yiddish Nachas from all bh!!!

It's all up to Hashem, so Yes, its worth trying- If he's a good guy and can help you out in life, I'd say- go for it! Hatzlacha

Btw, I accept Brochos...

amother

Maroon

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 8:15 pm

amother wrote:

I spent many many years at infertility clinics. Any doctor there would say that egg quality decreases with age. Bad eggs don't make babies.

But it just takes one good egg. 🙂

amother

Maroon

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 8:17 pm

amother wrote:

I think you are reading a lot into a thread that isn't there.

signed an older mom.

Someone wrote “I think that would be hard on the kid...” and I was responding specifically to that comment, not reading into anything else.

amother

Maroon

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 8:21 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

The marrying off is not the issue. When you are in your 50s and 60s and raising young children it's physically taxing much more so than for a younger person .

I am pushing 50 with a toddler. It was just as hard when I first did this many moons ago! Age hasn’t made it more physically taxing for me nor made it emotionally easier. Toddlers are hard. OP having teens and toddlers in the house is a very interesting experience! You mention how you think your kids would be on board if you had another so I think you could definitely consider it!

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 8:35 pm

amother wrote:

I think in her post "can" and "willing" meant the same thing.

amother

Denim

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 9:01 pm

I am 46 and my answer is: not if I can help it.

Seriously, I have 3 kids. I always wanted more. If I could have started younger, I would have had more. But at this point in my life I am finally davening NOT to get pregnant.

I no longer have the stamina and patience required and I’m looking forward to marrying off my kids G-d willing over the next decade and enjoying an empty nest with my husband.

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 9:14 pm

To answer your question op:
yes, I would consider having a baby at 47.
I am 46 so I get where you are coming from. Having a baby and raising children is not easy... it is far easier though if you and your husband are on the same page. Meaning you both have to want to have a baby and be prepared to raise your children together.
Also having children together solidifies a marriage. Much more important in a second marriage.

amother

Pearl

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 9:31 pm

amother wrote:

Hi everyone, it's OP here. Thanks for all the replies.

The guy is 55 & told me that this is what his Rav told him "for now". The answer "might change" in about another 5 years.

Also yeah, what Sebastian said about "Peru Urevu". He's not even sure he wants kids, but he feels al pi Torah he must and he would like if he could.

In terms of my koach, I know my kids would help a lot. It would be fun for them to have a baby again. My youngest is 10.

The down syndrome fear I guess is real. But then again, they are very precious neshomas & if ch"v that was the case, I think I would feel privileged to raise that child.

On the other hand, how safe would it be for me to carry a pregnancy?

Its nice that you think your kids will help a lot, but that's not fair to have a child with the expectation that they want to help and unfortunately as one ages the burden falls on the older children and they will start having their own responsibilities....

Is this question a make or break deal for the gentleman??? And as someone mentioned before the teenage years are HARD and one could end up being a great grandparent while still raising a child. 75 at 20...