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Torn about piercing baby's ears
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amother




Floralwhite


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 4:16 pm
From a life long non-earring wearer: My sister elected to have hers done at 16. I was never interested in putting another hole in my head. And to quote one of the posts here: "My daughter begged for earrings at age 4 because literally every single girl in her class had them already. " Oh well. Try to build a little character for your kids. You have to do something because everyone else does? What, the other girls will shun her? What nice middos!
My younger daughter is 15. She has wanted earrings for years. I said she has to wait till she is adult. And btw, two of her friends had earrings for years but developed problems and no longer wear them.
If getting your newborn's ears pierced is to save them the pain in the future - Good L-rd, what the heck are you doing it for then? It's as if Hashem gave men an option: they can have a bris at 8 days or 8 years. Then you do the kid a favor and do it a 8 days. No one NEEDS earrings. If a girl wants them so badly, they will have them despite the pain. If they are TRAUMATIZED, then I guess they really don't want them so badly.
And yes, there are comfortable clip ons out there!
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amother




Magenta


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 4:34 pm
Floralwhite, piercing ears is not "putting holes in the head". And no one is "traumatized" from getting their ears pierced. You are being unfair to your 15 year old daughter by not letting her get her ears pierced. You are making it sound like the worst most dangerous thing.
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amother




Floralwhite


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 4:37 pm
One poster said she was traumatized by the experience. Those are not my words. And yes, it is putting additional holes in your head. And thank you for your opinion that I am being unfair to my 15 year old. Boo Hoo.
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amother




Magenta


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 4:42 pm
Floralwhite, the ears are not the head.
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mommyla




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 4:44 pm
amother wrote:
And to quote one of the posts here: "My daughter begged for earrings at age 4 because literally every single girl in her class had them already. " Oh well. Try to build a little character for your kids. You have to do something because everyone else does? What, the other girls will shun her? What nice middos! !


Oh, gimme a break. That was my post, and the point I was making was that the vast majority of girls do get them young in my community. NOT that I give in to my kids’ every whim. Not sure why I’m justifying myself but she wanted them for quite a while before I got them for her, and I would have waited longer if I thought it was necessary. It was her birthday present. And for heaven’s sake, nobody shunned her Rolling Eyes
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momsrus




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 4:47 pm
amother wrote:
Some simple math: if around 80% of women have their ears pierced and 10-20% don’t, one needs to assume that at least 10% and possibly up to 20% DON’T want their ears pierced! Not sure where the 99% comes from.

You can buy clip-on earrings too. I used to wear those in the 80s.


Sweetie, it’s not the 80s
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amother




Dodgerblue


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 5:45 pm
momsrus wrote:
Sweetie, it’s not the 80s


I am aware of the date and decade thank you and really don’t appreciate being called “Sweetie” in that manner.

But in any case, the clip-on earrings that are made now are generally much better quality than they were in the 80s.
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amother




Dodgerblue


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 5:46 pm
amother wrote:
From a life long non-earring wearer: My sister elected to have hers done at 16. I was never interested in putting another hole in my head. And to quote one of the posts here: "My daughter begged for earrings at age 4 because literally every single girl in her class had them already. " Oh well. Try to build a little character for your kids. You have to do something because everyone else does? What, the other girls will shun her? What nice middos!
My younger daughter is 15. She has wanted earrings for years. I said she has to wait till she is adult. And btw, two of her friends had earrings for years but developed problems and no longer wear them.
If getting your newborn's ears pierced is to save them the pain in the future - Good L-rd, what the heck are you doing it for then? It's as if Hashem gave men an option: they can have a bris at 8 days or 8 years. Then you do the kid a favor and do it a 8 days. No one NEEDS earrings. If a girl wants them so badly, they will have them despite the pain. If they are TRAUMATIZED, then I guess they really don't want them so badly.
And yes, there are comfortable clip ons out there!


Finally Amother Floralwhite, a voice of common sense. Especially what you say re: character and middos.
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flowerpower




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 5:54 pm
amother wrote:
Finally Amother Floralwhite, a voice of common sense. Especially what you say re: character and middos.


Seriously??? Character and middos has zilch to do with tiny holes in the ears. It has to do with how you behave with others, and home, and in public.
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amother




Periwinkle


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 5:54 pm
amother wrote:
You were obviously not wearing decent clip-ons. Some of them hurt but most didn’t.

I have no desire to get my ears pierced now and I know it isn’t painful as I have been with others when they have had theirs done. Out of the people I know who don’t have pierced ears, none of them are afraid, they just choose not to have them done. Yes, some of us make choices vs following everybody else’s trends like sheep.


I guess my mother wasn't a "sheep" because she happened to have the same opinion as you. But I rejected that view based upon my own experience, so I'm a sheep? The self-righteousness has no place here.
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MrsDash




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 6:01 pm
amother wrote:
From a life long non-earring wearer: My sister elected to have hers done at 16. I was never interested in putting another hole in my head. And to quote one of the posts here: "My daughter begged for earrings at age 4 because literally every single girl in her class had them already. " Oh well. Try to build a little character for your kids. You have to do something because everyone else does? What, the other girls will shun her? What nice middos!
My younger daughter is 15. She has wanted earrings for years. I said she has to wait till she is adult. And btw, two of her friends had earrings for years but developed problems and no longer wear them.
If getting your newborn's ears pierced is to save them the pain in the future - Good L-rd, what the heck are you doing it for then? It's as if Hashem gave men an option: they can have a bris at 8 days or 8 years. Then you do the kid a favor and do it a 8 days. No one NEEDS earrings. If a girl wants them so badly, they will have them despite the pain. If they are TRAUMATIZED, then I guess they really don't want them so badly.
And yes, there are comfortable clip ons out there!


As someone with 13 piercings, I agree with most of this. This need to pierce ears as soon as possible is kind of nutty. After all the pokes and jabs infants go through (shots, ivs, pku, colic) even the slightest bit of added discomfort is horrifying. If your grown up girls can’t handle the pain or responsibility of earrings, perhaps they should wait until that days comes.

My mother was about 50 when she got her ears pierced and it was this amazing defining moment in her life.
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amother




Magenta


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 7:08 pm
What in the world does pierced ears have to do with middos???
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SixOfWands




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 7:19 pm
amother wrote:
What in the world does pierced ears have to do with middos???


One woman who did not get her ears pierced until age 12 stated that she was
"embarrassed by the comments [of her classmates]. They felt condescending." So she pierced her daughters' ears so they wouldn't be made fun of and bullied. Instead of fighting against bullying on such a trivial and superficial thing.
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dee's mommy




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 7:23 pm
I am personally not in favour of ear piercing when a child is not old enough to consent to it. I would wait till she is old enough to ask for it. (And only then when she asks, not because you would want it.)
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flowerpower




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 7:28 pm
SixOfWands wrote:
One woman who did not get her ears pierced until age 12 stated that she was
"embarrassed by the comments [of her classmates]. They felt condescending." So she pierced her daughters' ears so they wouldn't be made fun of and bullied. Instead of fighting against bullying on such a trivial and superficial thing.


That is odd. I have neighbors, neices, etc that don’t have earrings. They have yet to hear a word from anyone about it. My dd’s best friend doesn’t have her ears pierced. I doubt my daughter even noticed.

On a side note, if something means a lot to your child then it won’t hurt to give into her and make her happy. As long as it’s within the normal range.
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momsrus




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 7:50 pm
MrsDash wrote:
As someone with 13 piercings, I agree with most of this. This need to pierce ears as soon as possible is kind of nutty. After all the pokes and jabs infants go through (shots, ivs, pku, colic) even the slightest bit of added discomfort is horrifying. If your grown up girls can’t handle the pain or responsibility of earrings, perhaps they should wait until that days comes.

My mother was about 50 when she got her ears pierced and it was this amazing defining moment in her life.


Can you explain this?
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sub




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 8:00 pm
amother wrote:
Amother turquoise, I didnt say women are required to wear earrings. But there's a reason majority women in the world wear earrings, let's not kid ourselves. Every women looks better with earrings on. Do you really go to weddings and simchos without earrings?

Yes, I do. My holes closed up too many times.
And clip ons hurt. And anyways who sees them when my wig covers my ears.
I don’t need them to look good or feel good about myself.
Babies are precious and beautiful and should not need earings to look better or cuter.
But everyone has their opinion OP, and you should do what you want and what you’re comfortable with.


Last edited by sub on Wed, Dec 19 2018, 9:56 pm; edited 2 times in total
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tigerwife




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 9:40 pm
Just a couple of questions:

Has anyone ever met someone who was resentful that their parent pierced their ears while they were an infant? Anyone felt a sense of retroactive violation?

For those who wait for the child to ask, do you always leave such apparently life- changing and traumatizing decisions in the hands of your four-year-old, who likely won’t understand the apparent complications? Why is piercing a toddler different than piercing a baby, other than infection concerns?

Anyway, this is so obviously cultural based on the responses here. It’s ok if things are different on your turf. No need to get all Mommy Wars on those who do differently.

*Sorry for the sarcastic questions, I am just taken aback at the vehemence here.
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mommyla




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 9:54 pm
tigerwife wrote:
Just a couple of questions:

Has anyone ever met someone who was resentful that their parent pierced their ears while they were an infant? Anyone felt a sense of retroactive violation?

For those who wait for the child to ask, do you always leave such apparently life- changing and traumatizing decisions in the hands of your four-year-old, who likely won’t understand the apparent complications? Why is piercing a toddler different than piercing a baby, other than infection concerns?

Anyway, this is so obviously cultural based on the responses here. It’s ok if things are different on your turf. No need to get all Mommy Wars on those who do differently.

*Sorry for the sarcastic questions, I am just taken aback at the vehemence here.


If you're asking someone like me (and honestly want to know), I don't believe that it's a life-changing or traumatizing decision. I just wait because I don't like earrings on babies, it's too risky to do it on a toddler (they'll pull it and won't understand), and I want it to be special. Also, my DD was able to understand that it would hurt - I made that very clear - and she still wanted it. That's all. I don't get the vehemence either.
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amother




Magenta


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 10:27 pm
I literally cant wrap my head around that someone won't allow a 15 year old girl to get her ears pierced, that seems so controlling.
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