Torn about piercing baby's ears

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants

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princessleah

Thu, Dec 20 2018, 11:23 am

I had no interest in piercing my DD's ears because I could not imagine adding another responsibility on top of everything else having to do with a newborn!
Now she is 6, said that she wants to pierce her ears but she is going to wait because of the pain. Also I won't let her do it because she's not reliable to take care of them herself. She buys clip-on earrings from Claire's and they also have earrings with magnet backs.

I think the overall issue that jumped out at me from OP is what messages we are sending our girls about appearance, clothes, accessories, etc. After having only boys I get the "fun" of dressing in frilly clothes and bows, etc. But why is this something specific to girl babies? Why do we turn them into fashion dolls for fun clothes and jewelry in a way we don't with boys? What are we then saying about girls and their roles? Things to think about-- we start enforcing gender norms in infancy. I personally would err to the opposite extreme and avoid these ultra-feminine markers as long as possible (of course with my luck, DD is super into clothing and accessories!)

amother

Wine

Thu, Dec 20 2018, 11:32 am

princessleah wrote:

I had no interest in piercing my DD's ears because I could not imagine adding another responsibility on top of everything else having to do with a newborn!

So is that equally as selfish as the claim that other mothers do it for their own pleasure?

(I had exactly the same thought when DD was born - though piercing newborn ears is really out of vogue in my community - I wondered why other moms would want to add to the list of things to deal with, but I'm aware that my personality typically is 'keep it simple')

Chayalle

Thu, Dec 20 2018, 12:02 pm

amother wrote:

A “normal adornment” is a wedding ring. The rest IMHO is totally unnecessary.

That's your humble opinion. I actually expect more than a wedding ring from DH as adornment.

amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, Dec 20 2018, 12:08 pm

Chayalle wrote:

That's your humble opinion. I actually expect more than a wedding ring from DH as adornment.

I expect my DH to respect and love me, gifts that are priceless and worth more than sparkling chakras and adornments. My price is far above rubies! 😆

amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, Dec 20 2018, 12:13 pm

amother wrote:

What in the world does pierced ears have to do with middos???

If you read what amother Floralwhite posted, she was talking about the possibility of other girls shunning her DD for not having pierced ears. She wrote “What, the other girls will shun her? What nice middos!” and I agree that it is poor middos to make fun of a girl whose ears aren’t pierced.

amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, Dec 20 2018, 12:16 pm

flowerpower wrote:

Seriously??? Character and middos has zilch to do with tiny holes in the ears. It has to do with how you behave with others, and home, and in public.

Agreed re: behavior. Floralwhite was talking about the possibility of her own DD being teased by classmates for not having her ears pierced. She (rightly) feels the onus is on the other girls to not tease her DD or others who don’t have their ears pierced. Not sure why I am explaining another amother’s post...

amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, Dec 20 2018, 12:22 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

One woman who did not get her ears pierced until age 12 stated that she was
"embarrassed by the comments [of her classmates]. They felt condescending." So she pierced her daughters' ears so they wouldn't be made fun of and bullied. Instead of fighting against bullying on such a trivial and superficial thing.

Agreed that fighting against bullying would be the ideal but look how hard the other side fights here. You can’t really blame a 12-year old girl for not being able to stand up to the bullies. Such a shame though.

zaq

Thu, Dec 20 2018, 3:41 pm

I find earrings on a baby to be repulsive. Babies don't need jewelry, especially jewelry that requires piercing their ears! Why not go all the way and put makeup and tiny heels on them, too?

Do a search. A long, long, long time ago there was a thread on moms who put makeup on their babies for portraits. "I just put on a dab of mascara and lipstick"--this is on a baby, you understand, not the mother--because "my baby's eyebrows and eyelashes are invisible" "my baby is very pale and just doesn't look good in pictures" or "the photographer's flash washes out my baby's complexion". One amother was putting mascara on her baby boy, no less! What planet are these women from?

If this is really a "thing", no wonder we have amothers who go to absurd lengths to keep the Spackle on their faces intact over Shabbos! What sort of mother makes it clear to an innocent child that his or her G-d given assets are not good enough and she must be artificially enhanced to be acceptable? "You're adorable just as you are" may make a child roll her eyes in exasperation when she's denied permission to use lipstick or dye her hair, but no child ever got an inferiority complex from such treatment.

amother

Green

Thu, Dec 20 2018, 3:54 pm

Ok, that baby mascara thread that I just read (from 2005) did make me throw up in my mouth a bit. I am not a fan of piercing babies' ears, but it doesn't actually make me sick.

Another good reason to let them pierce when they are old enough is earring placement. I got my ears pierced before my bat mitzvah. The jeweler marked the dots, I gave the okay and he pierced. Honestly, it was not a great job and I know that one side is lower than the other which affects my earring choice. I have no one to blame but myself. I can imagine some imamother threads in 18 years "My mother made a big mistake--my ears were pierced so unevenly!"

amother

Blonde

Thu, Dec 20 2018, 4:56 pm

Interesting since one's reaction to piercing a baby's ears - or jewelry on infants in general is very culturally ethnocentric.

Most modern cultures don't pierce infants and generally would wait until the child is a "suitable" age - generally a tween at the earliest. I've never heard of a tween or teen not having it done because of the pain unless the girl is extremely phobic.

In the secular world - at least in the US - piercing infant's ears is not seen at all. One might see in in first generation immigrants from non-Western cultures but not among the middle class.

amother

Magenta

Thu, Dec 20 2018, 5:05 pm

Zaq, repulsive is something that makes you gag and vomit. Are seriously repulsed by baby girls in earrings??

mommy3b2c

Thu, Dec 20 2018, 5:16 pm

princessleah wrote:

I don’t know about anyone else, but I most certainly do dress up my baby boys like dolls.

SixOfWands

Thu, Dec 20 2018, 5:33 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

I don’t know about anyone else, but I most certainly do dress up my baby boys like dolls.

Are they comfortable? Able to move freely? Able to play? Not freak out if they do normal baby/child things that might wrinkle or dirty their clothes?

If so, then enjoy it for now. They won't let you do it much longer.

ETA -- didn't dress any of mine -- boy or girl -- like dolls. Don't like the look. But who cares.

sky

Thu, Dec 20 2018, 6:56 pm

zaq wrote:

Almost all infant photographs today are photoshopped or touched up to make skin smooth and clear and bright.
I think this also says a lot.

princessleah

Thu, Dec 20 2018, 10:44 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

I don’t know about anyone else, but I most certainly do dress up my baby boys like dolls.

As I was writing my post, I was thinking to myself... “except for mommy3b2c” Smile

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