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amother




Gray


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 7:10 am
Mommy3b2c wrote the following post:

mommy3b2c wrote:
Here’s my question.

If you are a sahm with all the kids in school till 4:00 is there an excuse to not have a perfectly run home?

Examples:

Always fresh supper. Main, side, vegetable.
Fresh breakfast
Packed lunches for husband and kids
Homemade challah
Fresh baked goods
Laundry always washed, ironed, folded, put away.
Floors always swept
Carpets vacuumed
Bathrooms clean. Wastebaskets emptied. Fresh towels hung.
Dishes always done.
No clutter
Beds made
Grocery shopping done
Errands done
Doctors/dentist appointments scheduled and kept
Daily exercise
Weekly manicures
Toys put away
Kids bathed every night
Always do homework with kids
Play with kids each day
Neat and orderly drawers and cupboards

So these are what I feel are basic examples.

I did not add things like silver always polished, fridge cleaned weekly, windows washed...

So I’m not even talking museum level. I just mean the basics.

Does it make sense that not all these things are done if the kids are in school all day?


She mentioned she has 8 hours of household help a week.

My post is as follows:

amother wrote:
I am going to answer anonymously. Many of my friends who are chassidish have this kind of home. Some of them also work outside the home part time. They have about the same amount of household help as OP, and they doven daily and do chessed.

I need almost fulltime help with a spouse that does 2 hours of housework before work and all Friday afternoon with my kids pitching in to acheive the same level of spotlessness and organization.


My mom worked full time and ran such a house, but she was focused on her house to the exclusion of her kids. I can drop by my chassidish friends' homes anytime, and there is always home baked good in a sparkling clean home. The moms don't seem overwhelmed at all, and they have large families and give their kids attention. They also have "me time". Even the insides of their closets are decorated and the stuff looks ready for sale.

How do they do it?
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amother




Wheat


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 7:21 am
You mean Hungarians not Chassidim.
Hungarians are known for being homemakers and many Chassidish women are from Hungarian families.
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amother




Ecru


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 7:23 am
I always say being chassidish and not driving keeps me home to get stuff in my house done that needs to be done. Most chassidish people were brought up keeping clean homes cooking baking etc. it all comes with being organized and scheduled. But believe me there are plenty chassidish homes where you can’t walk in the floors there houses are flying there kids look like a wreck. It’s all what you want to see. I just sat down with my organizer to divide all work that needs to be done before Purim example starting to clean for pesach all the bedrooms and so on I have written down what week I will bake cookies for Purim .
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salt




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 7:40 am
Are these the same chassidim that eat dinner every night at their parents after they get married?
If so, when does the switch take place? At what stage in the marriage? I'm seriously asking. How do they go from not knowing how to cook dinner or make shabbos, to keeping such a perfect home? Or are we talking about 2 different sectors of Jews?
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amother




Wheat


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 7:44 am
salt wrote:
Are these the same chassidim that eat dinner every night at their parents after they get married?
If so, when does the switch take place? At what stage in the marriage? I'm seriously asking. How do they go from not knowing how to cook dinner or make shabbos, to keeping such a perfect home? Or are we talking about 2 different sectors of Jews?



Of course they all “know” how to cook. They help their moms since they’re children.

But they generally get married very young, work FT and have babies quickly.
So they get more help from their parents home.
The change happens gradually when it gets hard for them to run out with their babies and easier to pop some chicken into the oven.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 7:45 am
I know neither sector
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pesek zman




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 7:52 am
amother wrote:
Of course they all “know” how to cook. They help their moms since they’re children.

But they generally get married very young, work FT and have babies quickly.
So they get more help from their parents home.
The change happens gradually when it gets hard for them to run out with their babies and easier to pop some chicken into the oven.


The women work FT? Where is this that chasidish women work full time? Because the streets and stores and restaurants of BP are packed with young chassidish women and kids all day, every day.
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Mommyg8




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 7:54 am
pesek zman wrote:
The women work FT? Where is this that chasidish women work full time? Because the streets and stores and restaurants of BP are packed with young chassidish women and kids all day, every day.


They work FT only the first year or two.
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amother




Lime


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 8:01 am
In Israel, people say it's Moroccan women who cook elaborate meals and keep their houses spotless.

Either way, ask one of these super housekeepers what she's reading these days and you're likely to get a blank stare. Everything comes at a cost.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 8:03 am
amother wrote:
You mean Hungarians not Chassidim.
Hungarians are known for being homemakers and many Chassidish women are from Hungarian families.


Ironically, I am as Hungarian as it comes. Hungarian blood running through my veins from all sides. Just thought I’d mention that, being that this thread was inspired by me.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 8:33 am
I'm curious about Yeshivish women. They have to work full time to support their learning husbands. The husbands often learn all day, come home for dinner, go to night seder, and aren't back home until 11pm or even later.
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amother




Gray


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 8:39 am
amother wrote:
I always say being chassidish and not driving keeps me home to get stuff in my house done that needs to be done. Most chassidish people were brought up keeping clean homes cooking baking etc. it all comes with being organized and scheduled. But believe me there are plenty chassidish homes where you can’t walk in the floors there houses are flying there kids look like a wreck. It’s all what you want to see. I just sat down with my organizer to divide all work that needs to be done before Purim example starting to clean for pesach all the bedrooms and so on I have written down what week I will bake cookies for Purim .


Would you mind posting how you organize typical day? Also, would you mind posting how big your family is?

I have a friend who washes her walls weekly with no help and 9 kids. I can't figure out how this is possible because she is always up for an outing during the day.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 8:46 am
I've never washed a wall unless there was a dirty spot
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Mommyg8




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 8:48 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
I'm curious about Yeshivish women. They have to work full time to support their learning husbands. The husbands often learn all day, come home for dinner, go to night seder, and aren't back home until 11pm or even later.


They do none of the things on that list.

Plus their husbands are supposed to help- when I'm in the Co-op Thursday night or Friday all I see are men.
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zaq




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 8:48 am
I’d like to know why she washes her walls. Most walls are painted with flat paint that shouldn’t be washed. Gloss or semigloss is used in kitchens and bathrooms and on woodwork. The only wall that I can imagine needing daily washing is the kitchen sink and stove backsplash area, and maybe near the work counter and table if very young children eat there. And even then it wouldn’t require a full wash but a quick wipe down wherever some gunk splashed. Ditto woodwork, smudges show up eventually near doorknobs and switch plates but they hardly call for a daily wash. Your friend sounds OCD.

ETA: Don Aslett, founder of a commercial cleaning empire and author of multiple cleaning/decluttering/organizing books, says “If it’s not dirty, don’t clean it.”


Last edited by zaq on Wed, Jan 09 2019, 9:10 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Goldenrod


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 8:53 am
pesek zman wrote:
The women work FT? Where is this that chasidish women work full time? Because the streets and stores and restaurants of BP are packed with young chassidish women and kids all day, every day.



I live in BP and work full time. My sisters and many of my friends do so as well.
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amother




Wheat


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 8:58 am
pesek zman wrote:
The women work FT? Where is this that chasidish women work full time? Because the streets and stores and restaurants of BP are packed with young chassidish women and kids all day, every day.


Yes they ALL work FT for the first few years of marriage. Once they have 3 kids (approx) most stop.
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amother




Gray


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 9:08 am
zaq wrote:
I’d like to know why she washes her walls. Most walls are painted with flat paint that shouldn’t be washed. Gloss or semigloss is used in kitchens and bathrooms and on woodwork. The only wall that I can imagine needing daily washing is the kitchen sink and stove backsplash area, and maybe near the work counter and table if very young children eat there. And even then it wouldn’t require a full wash but a quick wipe down wherever some gunk splashed. Ditto woodwork, smudges show up eventually near doorknobs and switch plates but they hardly call for a daily wash. Your friend sounds OCD.


Maybe she is OCD, but how does she manage to wash her walls weekly in addition to everything on the list and be a devoted mother and calm?
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Ravenclaw




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 9:10 am
mommy3b2c wrote:
Ironically, I am as Hungarian as it comes. Hungarian blood running through my veins from all sides. Just thought I’d mention that, being that this thread was inspired by me.


Not ironic. It’s why you are experiencing so much guilt even though everyone is telling you that you shouldn’t be. There are different cultural standards, and everyone is responding according to what they know. You are responding to yourself according to the standard you know to be normal, instead of to who you are inside and what your strengths are.
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gande




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 9:11 am
I'm chassidish and I do not run a perfect household. I bake like once a year. My mil is a do it all perfectionist. She works herself to the bone, doesn't sit for hours and she is not a calm and relaxed person. She does not have time for hobbies, although she does take care of herself physically.
All chassidish people I know who have a perfect house have a lot of household help. They don't have cell phones and internet to distract them and they work very hard.
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