Home

S/O excuse thead - how do chassidim manage?
  Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next  Last >>
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Household Management

View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




Teal


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 1:52 pm
I'm chassidish and Hungarian and I wish my house was always clean Smile
The difference is that it sometimes is and I know what I'm aiming for... my mil's house (she's chassidish, but not an ounce of Hungarian blood in her, and it shows) even after all the cleaning, it's dirty. It's cluttered, unorganized and just plain dirty.
Just as an example: My daughter's slippers were clean on the bottom, since they're only worn at home. She went to my mil one afternoon and wore them in her house and they're black now.
My mother's house is usually clean, and when I was growing up we all had jobs, and my mother didn't work. Now she does work part time, and she has cleaning help twice a week.

Every home is different. But sparkling cleanliness and polished chandeliers is definitely a Hungarian stereotype. My mother used to say that when you walk into a house and it's clean, it's not necessarily Hungarian, but look behind the couch and under the furniture and then you'll know if it's Hungarian. Hungarian's take pride in the cleanliness of their homes. Even the parts that nobody can see.
Back to top

amother




Fuchsia


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 2:13 pm
Honestly, life is short...
There’s so much to accomplish.
If always having a spotless house is your goal in life, go for it!
I guess we should all try our best to keep a nice home.
The happiness and peace of the home is what your children and spouse will remember you and appreciate you for.
It doesn’t make one person better than another if she does more housework.
Back to top

naturalmom5




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 2:20 pm
amother wrote:
Thank you, this is such a great line. I do think it's also personality based, that those secular people who are the "spiritual" types are more likely to end up learning more about Torah. Many of them struggle later when it comes to the day to day of raising a family.
I personally have parents who are baalei teshuva. During my teens I became more yeshivish; my parents did as well. I married into a yeshivish family, and had difficulty connecting with my sisters in law and mother in law because I felt that they were superficial. Ultimately, I realized that they simply didn't need to talk about spiritual topics; it was something that they took for granted, more simple for them, something that exists in the background, while the foreground is more focused on things like feeding and clothing their children. This won't change who I am, and I may never be able to fully relate to them, but I understand and accept their way of fulfilling their life's purpose.


This is one of those things that sounds good in theory, like communism...

In reality, I have met far too many women that are so shallow and are devoid of real Yiddishket, it really repulses me...

I have also met numerous young lasses that left Orthodoxy completely, bdecause they couldn't take the intense vibish competition...
Back to top

dancingqueen




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 3:55 pm
ra_mom wrote:
I love a clean home. I strive for it. But it doesn't come naturally to me and I had to work for it, so much trial and error and research and I had to teach myself the best methods. I think that even though I do it, it will always be a struggle for me, and I constantly have to push myself and remind myself and it's hard! Sometimes it falls apart but I try to pick myself back up again.
I'm not chassidish nor Hungarian though we do have some of that background (1/4).


Really? I think of you as such a balebusta Smile

Interesting thread!
Back to top

amother




Goldenrod


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 4:05 pm
naturalmom5 wrote:
This is one of those things that sounds good in theory, like communism...

In reality, I have met far too many women that are so shallow and are devoid of real Yiddishket, it really repulses me...

I have also met numerous young lasses that left Orthodoxy completely, bdecause they couldn't take the intense vibish competition...


I feel bad for you. You stated many times that the you find the heimish people around you shallow and dumb and what not. Maybe it’s time to uproot to a community that is actually different than that. Consider it. Why lose out on good influences?
Back to top

Metukah




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 4:45 pm
Apologies in advance for my really long response.

I was actually thinking about responding on mommy2b3c's thread, but wasn't sure about it. My view on that thread was that the saying 'the busiest people have the most time' is true.

OP, I am taking this thread as a compliment in the highest form. Yes, I am Chassidish and most of the things on the original list are givens in my home.

But;

amother wrote:
You mean Hungarians not Chassidim.
Hungarians are known for being homemakers and many Chassidish women are from Hungarian families.
[b]

I'm chassidish, but not Hungarian. Polish through and through. (my MIL is part Hungarian though and does keep a perfect home).

amother wrote:
Of course they all “know” how to cook. They help their moms since they’re children.


I never cooked before I got married. I consider myself a pretty good cook today.

amother wrote:

But they generally get married very young, work FT and have babies quickly.
So they get more help from their parents home.


I got married at 21, I don't think that's considered very young. I had a baby a year later but not babies. My oldest is 10, I have 3 children. I got no help and still don't get help from my parents home. I never went to my mother for suppers after we got married and very rarely for shabbos meals. I haven't been to my mother for a shabbos meal in years and the last time I did go my mother was sitting shiva and I took the food with me.

pesek zman wrote:
The women work FT? Where is this that chasidish women work full time?


I work full time and so do many chassidish women I know.

gande wrote:

All chassidish people I know who have a perfect house have a lot of household help. They don't have cell phones and internet to distract them and they work very hard.


I work full time so I really would love household help and I think I need it, but I currently have no help and I like to think my house is perfect based on the standards portrayed here. I am looking for household help and do want help for about 13 hours a week, but my sisters, who also work (not full time though) and keep a more perfect house than me, have no help at all.

I also have both a cell phone and Internet to distract me. It's actually distracting me right now. Banging head
Back to top

Metukah




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 4:51 pm
I also feel the need to point out (although I know it's futile), the posts on here bashing chassidim didn't really get any hugs (besides for one particularly obnoxious post which only got 8 hugs). On the other hand, the derogatory posts about yeshivish women got a ton of hugs.

Why am I even surprised? Why am I even commenting?
Back to top

Another mom




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 5:09 pm
amother wrote:
I can only speak for myself, but perhaps it'll give you an idea that what you see and what actually goes on in the home is two different things.

My mom did everything on the list, plus wash the walls, the venetian blinds (yes, every single slat), and plus much more. But she may have appeared calm and a devoted mother to everyone on the outside, but on the inside it was anything but. We always had to tread carefully in the house so not to unexpectedly place a fingerprint in the wrong place, and we kids had to do our part in washing the walls, the venetian blinds, refrigerators and cleaning light fixtures weekly. A cleaning lady once a week can only do so much. Not being able to join my friends in whatever they were doing, even for studying sessions, was a daily/weekly thing. The house was the top priority, everything else fell well below it.

That makes me sad.... Erma Bombeck wrote how she regrets serving and not sitting w her kids. I remember a poem (hers, I think) "If my kitchen floor won't shine - their (kid's) eyes will shine instead..." How true/
Back to top

Mommyg8




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 5:15 pm
Metukah wrote:
I also feel the need to point out (although I know it's futile), the posts on here bashing chassidim didn't really get any hugs (besides for one particularly obnoxious post which only got 8 hugs). On the other hand, the derogatory posts about yeshivish women got a ton of hugs.

Why am I even surprised? Why am I even commenting?


Which posts on this thread bashed Chassidim?
Back to top

ra_mom




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 5:31 pm
dancingqueen wrote:
Really? I think of you as such a balebusta Smile

Interesting thread!

I might be. But I have to work so hard at it!
Back to top

smile12345




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 8:02 pm
ra_mom wrote:
I might be. But I have to work so hard at it!


Well I was just reading through a supper menu thread from back in 2009 for inspiration, and I was positively drooling at all your varied weekly menus. You certainly count as an amazing balebuste in my books! I dream about food all day, but alas, my suppers are certainly found wanting. And never mind the [un]tidiness of my house.
Back to top

amother




Oak


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 8:09 pm
So many mean posts here. Why do people feel the need to put down others to make a point? Like I'm going to take your post about spirituality seriously while half of it is mocking frum Jews Puke

I have so much admiration for chassidish women who throw themselves wholeheartedly into keeping their families and homes clean, well dressed, and we'll nourished.

I have so much admiration for yeshivish women who work many hours out of the home and still give their children a warm, loving, functional home life.

I have so much admiration for women like ra mom to whom being a balabusta may not come naturally, but they put in the effort to get there. IyH by me one day Tongue Out
Back to top

Marigold




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 10:51 pm
amother wrote:
So many mean posts here. Why do people feel the need to put down others to make a point? Like I'm going to take your post about spirituality seriously while half of it is mocking frum Jews Puke

I have so much admiration for chassidish women who throw themselves wholeheartedly into keeping their families and homes clean, well dressed, and we'll nourished.

I have so much admiration for yeshivish women who work many hours out of the home and still give their children a warm, loving, functional home life.

I have so much admiration for women like ra mom to whom being a balabusta may not come naturally, but they put in the effort to get there. IyH by me one day Tongue Out


This!
Back to top

baked ziti




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 9:00 pm
As a Hungarian chasidista, allow me to clarify 2 things:
We are raised with the belief that keeping a nice, orderly home with good food and clean (not necessarily expensive) clothing is a woman's spiritual role. That's how we assist the men in our lives in their spiritual roles. They should want for nothing. Of course some women get carried away with the externals, but that's everywhere.
Secondly, some of the best times spent with my kids is folding laundry, organizing, washing dishes together. We shmooze and bond and create warm memories. Just because we keep our homes clean does not mean that our kids are
being neglected or yelled at in the process.
Back to top

baked ziti




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 9:06 pm
I will add another point. I spent may summers in a camp that's not chasidish. The amount of pressure there was to be the best dressed or have the most designer clothing was unbelievably stifling. When I switched to a chasidish camp I was amazed to see that the most popular girls were so because of their personalities, not wardrobes. The point is not to say one walk of life is better than another. I'm just saying to those who believe that chasidish women as a group aren't spiritual and are materialistic, that's blatantly untrue.
Back to top

amother




Brown


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 9:13 pm
amother wrote:
So many mean posts here. Why do people feel the need to put down others to make a point? Like I'm going to take your post about spirituality seriously while half of it is mocking frum Jews Puke

I have so much admiration for chassidish women who throw themselves wholeheartedly into keeping their families and homes clean, well dressed, and we'll nourished.

I have so much admiration for yeshivish women who work many hours out of the home and still give their children a warm, loving, functional home life.

I have so much admiration for women like ra mom to whom being a balabusta may not come naturally, but they put in the effort to get there. IyH by me one day Tongue Out
love this
Back to top

11213




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 9:25 pm
I am chasidish and I am amazed with the amount of stereotypes people have about us, especially when it comes to house management.
I work FT with 3 kids at home, and my home is clean most of the time. It's a question of discipline I got to learn from very little. My mother always told me that whenever you want to buy something, you have to make sure that you have room for it in your house. Therefore, everything in my house belongs somewhere, which makes it easier to clean (no clutter, no junk draws, etc).
I also don't let things build up and train everyone in the house to put way things right away.
It really comes down to a question of priority, discipline, and habit. Nothing to do with being chasidish!
Back to top

aliavi




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 9:27 pm
amother wrote:
Maybe she is OCD, but how does she manage to wash her walls weekly in addition to everything on the list and be a devoted mother and calm?



Coffee. Lots of coffee. And no sleep.
Back to top

amother




Tan


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 11:47 pm
amother wrote:
Agree, I just spend shabbas in a hotel with mixed crowd (bp, Williamsburg, Lakewood). Definitely the Lakewood crowd was the best dressed! Not overdone, not shlumpy, but real eye candy.


1. "Eye candy" is a disgusting and objectifying phrase
2. Way to judge a community of thousands of women by the very very few who can afford (and attend) a Shabbos event in a hotel. Can't Believe It
Back to top

penguin




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 12:31 am
I was thinking that there have to be women with ADD, a disorganized nature, poor executive function, women who are low energy, women who need a lot of sleep, and the reverse etc, in every community. But maybe it's bred out of certain groups by the process of natural selection (not that I believe in random evolution or anything). E.g. Mrs. X has a messy house so nobody would do a shidduch with her, therefore her genes didn't get passed on?

Could this happen?
Back to top
  Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next  Last >> Recent Topics

Page 4 of 6 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Household Management

Related Topics Replies Last Post
How do you manage in the morning?
by amother
17 Tue, Mar 12 2019, 3:13 pm View last post
Kokosh Kake Konondrum (excuse the triple K)
by InnerMe
29 Tue, Feb 05 2019, 4:21 pm View last post
S/O of “Is this an excuse”
by amother
29 Fri, Jan 11 2019, 7:43 am View last post
S/O excuse... Americans vs. Israelis
by amother
52 Fri, Jan 11 2019, 4:51 am View last post
Is there an excuse? 131 Thu, Jan 10 2019, 8:52 am View last post

Jump to: