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How do you accept a decree with love?

 
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amother




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Post  Wed, Jan 30 2019, 8:28 pm
What do you when you really want something, and despite all your tears and tefilos it seems like you just can’t have it? How do you not turn into a bitter, angry person, jealous of all those who have what you want so badly?Especially when all you’re life you’ve assumed that it would come just as easily to you as it does to the majority of the world?
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amother




Fuchsia


Post  Wed, Jan 30 2019, 8:31 pm
I call into Transformation hotline 641 715 0709 pin#: 539732#
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Surrendered




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 30 2019, 8:32 pm
I talk to Hashem and explain what bothers me and ask HIM to get me through the day positively. I should be able to see the good in this challenging situation.
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amother




Olive


Post  Wed, Jan 30 2019, 8:45 pm
I don’t have an answer. I, too, am in this type of situation. I was bitter and angry for some time, and now I’ve come to terms with it. I don’t understand why things are this way, but I trust that Hashem has got my back, has a plan for me, and whatever he does, it’s out of love and for my good. It’s been hard for me to internalize it, but with time it did sink in. I am now calmer and happier. I still have good days and bad days, but the so called bad days don’t take over my life anymore. I’ve read several books by Rabbi Arush, and they really helped me. There is no bad in the world. And being happy and in a good mood is easier than depressed and melancholic. I suppose you can say at this point, I have accepted my decree with love. It’s a work in progress. Hug Hug
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simba




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 30 2019, 8:48 pm
Hug
That hurts. Sounds so painful. The fact that you are even looking for a way to accept this painful reality is inspiring.
Hoping Hashem has happy plans in store for you.
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amother




Peach


Post  Wed, Jan 30 2019, 9:04 pm
RE the transformation hotline, I just tried calling in and it didnt work.

I listen to Chazak and Inspire by Wire!
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amother




Amber


Post  Thu, Jan 31 2019, 12:12 pm
I'm in a situation like this. I have a few close friends that know my pain and when they check in on me about my pain I'm honest with them. Otherwise, I tell the world that it in hashem's hands and I laugh and dance and joke. Inside, however, the pain is there. I would never want to turn into a block of ice, so I let it be there. When the pain is too strong, I hide out. I'd rather it this way, then any other way.


I'm ok living paradoxes like hating HaShem for my stinky situation, yet telling the world that HaShem knows what's best, and that he's taking care of me. I know that logically, but I live in emotions. To me, that's totally ok.

So, on the inside I'm bitter and shriveled, and on the outside, I'm all emuna and love. You may see through it and that's ok too. It helps me get through the day.
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amother




White


Post  Thu, Jan 31 2019, 12:30 pm
amother wrote:
I'm in a situation like this. I have a few close friends that know my pain and when they check in on me about my pain I'm honest with them. Otherwise, I tell the world that it in hashem's hands and I laugh and dance and joke. Inside, however, the pain is there. I would never want to turn into a block of ice, so I let it be there. When the pain is too strong, I hide out. I'd rather it this way, then any other way.


I'm ok living paradoxes like hating HaShem for my stinky situation, yet telling the world that HaShem knows what's best, and that he's taking care of me. I know that logically, but I live in emotions. To me, that's totally ok.

So, on the inside I'm bitter and shriveled, and on the outside, I'm all emuna and love. You may see through it and that's ok too. It helps me get through the day.


My therapist says this is very healthy because it can protect you from the effects of getting others involved with your feelings. Others suggested this to me and I struggled with it because it felt so fake. I've since learned better.
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amother




Coffee


Post  Thu, Jan 31 2019, 1:30 pm
amother wrote:
What do you when you really want something, and despite all your tears and tefilos it seems like you just can’t have it? How do you not turn into a bitter, angry person, jealous of all those who have what you want so badly?Especially when all you’re life you’ve assumed that it would come just as easily to you as it does to the majority of the world?


TIME. That's not the answer you want, but it's really what it is. Time. I went through all the steps that they talk about with death - denial, bargaining, etc. Acceptance takes time. God told me no, and dealing with that no is terribly, terribly hard. Some days are better than others. But it does get better. And acceptance is what we are all really aiming for.

I don't have your exact nisayon, so I'm sorry I sound so glib. Some tests are truly devastatingly painful. I struggle every day with feeling jealous of people who don't have the test that I have. But time has lessened the feelings of jealousy. Stating every day the things I'm thankful for, the things I have in my life, that's helped. Straining myself to help others ,and seeing how painful THEIR lives are, that's helped.
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amother




Linen


Post  Thu, Jan 31 2019, 2:47 pm
What about the decrees that don't allow for tefillos because there is no time? And then that special something is gone forever? Hashem, You never even gave me the chance to daven ! I know that it was the decree. But it hurts.
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amother




Floralwhite


Post  Thu, Jan 31 2019, 5:46 pm
From the other side: I also cried and begged Hashem for something very important to me years ago. At first I didn't get it. I was so angry, heart broken, I would question why is this happening and yell at Hashem. A year or two later Hashem gave it to me when I had almost given up. But Hashem really knows what's best, I should have trusted more, because that thing turned into the biggest nightmare of my life and now 10 years later, I'm still suffering and regret ever saying those things, crying, begging, or complaining. I wish I could go back in time and reverse it, unfortuantely I can't. Now I try not to complain the other way. Sometimes I wonder does Hashem give you something that's not good for you if you ask enough times? I don't think so, I hope not, but after so many years, it's a daily struggle. I was young and stupid then. It taught me a big lesson, not to question Hashem as much (although I'm not perfect and still struggle with these feelings). iyH Hashem should give all of us yeshuas that need it in the best possible way for us.
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amother




Cyan


Post  Thu, Jan 31 2019, 5:50 pm
amother wrote:
From the other side: I also cried and begged Hashem for something very important to me years ago. At first I didn't get it. I was so angry, heart broken, I would question why is this happening and yell at Hashem. A year or two later Hashem gave it to me when I had almost given up. But Hashem really knows what's best, I should have trusted more, because that thing turned into the biggest nightmare of my life and now 10 years later, I'm still suffering and regret ever saying those things, crying, begging, or complaining. I wish I could go back in time and reverse it, unfortuantely I can't. Now I try not to complain the other way. Sometimes I wonder does Hashem give you something that's not good for you if you ask enough times? I don't think so, I hope not, but after so many years, it's a daily struggle. I was young and stupid then. It taught me a big lesson, not to question Hashem as much (although I'm not perfect and still struggle with these feelings). iyH Hashem should give all of us yeshuas that need it in the best possible way for us.


This is real. I've learned not to ask for anything specific. Just health, parnossa, hatzlacha….Let Hashem figure out the details. He knows best.
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amother




Red


Post  Thu, Jan 31 2019, 6:38 pm
VEry hard. In the end I try to accept hashems will over mine. But it takes a lot of energy and time....

Hug
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amother




Amber


Post  Thu, Jan 31 2019, 7:14 pm
amother wrote:
VEry hard. In the end I try to accept hashems will over mine. But it takes a lot of energy and time....

Hug

I've learned that sometimes it's Hashem's will that we are angry and hate Him. Allowing ourselves to feel that way, is accepting his will. Just being where we are at, no matter what, is accepting Hashem's will.

I used to think that accepting Hashem's will is being happy, no matter what. Then I learned that being happy no matter what is choosing my will over Hashem's will. Now, I just let myself feel my truth, even if it's "I hate you G-d!" Because then I know that I'm embodying Hashem's will.

Trust me, that last thing I want to do is hate God. I can fight it, or I can accept it. I choose to accept it. In this way, im serving God in the way He chose for me. Maybe one day I will be lucky enough to serve HaShem with joy. Not today. Today it's through pain.
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amother




Blush


Post  Thu, Jan 31 2019, 8:10 pm
amother wrote:
From the other side: I also cried and begged Hashem for something very important to me years ago. At first I didn't get it. I was so angry, heart broken, I would question why is this happening and yell at Hashem. A year or two later Hashem gave it to me when I had almost given up. But Hashem really knows what's best, I should have trusted more, because that thing turned into the biggest nightmare of my life and now 10 years later, I'm still suffering and regret ever saying those things, crying, begging, or complaining. I wish I could go back in time and reverse it, unfortuantely I can't. Now I try not to complain the other way. Sometimes I wonder does Hashem give you something that's not good for you if you ask enough times? I don't think so, I hope not, but after so many years, it's a daily struggle. I was young and stupid then. It taught me a big lesson, not to question Hashem as much (although I'm not perfect and still struggle with these feelings). iyH Hashem should give all of us yeshuas that need it in the best possible way for us.



I disagree with everything you wrote here. I think we're dreaming if we believe that hashem works in the way you describe. You're davening and begging hashem for something and not getting it. Finally hashem says, here, you got it. And it turned out to be awful. This shows hashem knows what's best and of course he understood that it isn't good for you to have when you were davening for it originally.
Unfortunately we have no understanding of anything hashem does. There are terrible awful things that happen to good people every day that make no sense to us humans and we are left with us trying to internalize something that is really impossible: Hashem is our father, he loves us, every thing he does is good.....yet he allows infertility, miscarriages, and diseases in children. So we stand there and repeat the words " hashem is kind and every thing he does is out of intense love for us", but it is really impossible to make sense of. Yes, every once in a while a story like yours happens where you wanted something and hashem didn't give it to you and it turns out hashem was protecting you from that which you desired. But most of the time when bad things happen, there is no understanding or closure. Older singles who are past the age of childbearing are left to wonder why their loving father destined them to a life alone. Sadly, this is the reality of our understanding with regard to most bad things. Namely, no understanding at all.
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