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amother




Goldenrod


Post  Sun, Feb 03 2019, 1:11 pm
I suffered a tbi several years ago and since then have only given mishloach manos to one friend. I have several other good friends but this is THE friend, the one who saves my life and is always there for me. So it was an easy choice who to give one to, and although I never publicized that I was giving one to her, if someone found out, they understood why she was the one. In addition I ordered cards from a tzedaka and sent those to 10 or so other friends.

But this year I am a bit better. Not all better; I probably won't ever be that. But we'll enough to give four or five instead of one, and it would feel good to.me to make another baby step in the direction of normal. The problem is that giving more than one opens the door to hurt feelings. People may know that they are not the one I would give to if I am giving one, but many might assume that they are among the ones I would give to if I am expanding my list.

Should I stick.with one and send cards, even though I could do a few more to avoid hurt feelings?
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 03 2019, 1:21 pm
Send mm for whoever you want, why do you think that the ones getting now, will be hurt that they didn't get mm till now? They don't have to know that you only send your best friend till now. They will just thank you for receiving. If they ask q as to why they all of a sudden started receiving, you can just say that till now you didn't feel up to sending many mm but since you are feeling better now, you did put forth the effort.
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amother




Goldenrod


Post  Sun, Feb 03 2019, 1:27 pm
dankbar wrote:
Send mm for whoever you want, why do you think that the ones getting now, will be hurt that they didn't get mm till now? They don't have to know that you only send your best friend till now. They will just thank you for receiving. If they ask q as to why they all of a sudden started receiving, you can just say that till now you didn't feel up to sending many mm but since you are feeling better now, you did put forth the effort.


Thank you, but that's not my question. I apologize if I was unclear.

It's pretty well known that I only gave to this one friend and I don't think anyone is hurt that it wasn't them, bc she is in a class by herself.

But I am afraid people will be hurt if this year if I am able to expand, but only to 4 or so. In other words, no one expected to be THE one, but lots more people than I can handle assume they're near the top of the list.
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amother




Goldenrod


Post  Sun, Feb 03 2019, 2:02 pm
Bump
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Surrendered




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 03 2019, 2:10 pm
Just send to whoever you feel like without worrying what others will think.
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amother




Saddlebrown


Post  Sun, Feb 03 2019, 2:38 pm
amother wrote:
I suffered a tbi several years ago and since then have only given mishloach manos to one friend. I have several other good friends but this is THE friend, the one who saves my life and is always there for me. So it was an easy choice who to give one to, and although I never publicized that I was giving one to her, if someone found out, they understood why she was the one. In addition I ordered cards from a tzedaka and sent those to 10 or so other friends.

But this year I am a bit better. Not all better; I probably won't ever be that. But we'll enough to give four or five instead of one, and it would feel good to.me to make another baby step in the direction of normal. The problem is that giving more than one opens the door to hurt feelings. People may know that they are not the one I would give to if I am giving one, but many might assume that they are among the ones I would give to if I am expanding my list.

Should I stick.with one and send cards, even though I could do a few more to avoid hurt feelings?


First of all, refuah shelaymah. Give to whoever you want! Are people really sad that you don't give them mishloach manos? They have done without it for several years. May I make a suggestion? Give one mishloach manos to someone who is new to the neighborhood or someone that is ill or someone that doesn't get any mishloach manos! It will really make your purim special and theirs as well. Good luck!
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 03 2019, 2:44 pm
Why do people have to know for which other people you send mishloach manos?
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amother




White


Post  Sun, Feb 03 2019, 2:47 pm
amother wrote:
I suffered a tbi several years ago and since then have only given mishloach manos to one friend. I have several other good friends but this is THE friend, the one who saves my life and is always there for me. So it was an easy choice who to give one to, and although I never publicized that I was giving one to her, if someone found out, they understood why she was the one. In addition I ordered cards from a tzedaka and sent those to 10 or so other friends.

But this year I am a bit better. Not all better; I probably won't ever be that. But we'll enough to give four or five instead of one, and it would feel good to.me to make another baby step in the direction of normal. The problem is that giving more than one opens the door to hurt feelings. People may know that they are not the one I would give to if I am giving one, but many might assume that they are among the ones I would give to if I am expanding my list.

Should I stick.with one and send cards, even though I could do a few more to avoid hurt feelings?


Do what's best for you. If it makes you feel better to give 4 or 5, then do it.

I am also ill. We aren't held to the same standards. People won't get upset or jealous.
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Optione




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 03 2019, 2:50 pm
Refuah shelaima! I'm happy things are moving in the right direction.
Can you give only to a specific group of people? Like just neighbors, just teachers. Etc. (If you have 4 people in that category...)
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r1




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 03 2019, 2:53 pm
I would just stick to one and cards honestly. Ppl (yes adults in their 40s) can still feel slighted ...
I love ur idea of sending the cards and I think you should stick to it. Maybe like someone mentioned u can also give something to neighbors or one other category...
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amother




Goldenrod


Post  Sun, Feb 03 2019, 10:26 pm
r1 wrote:
I would just stick to one and cards honestly. Ppl (yes adults in their 40s) can still feel slighted ...
I love ur idea of sending the cards and I think you should stick to it. Maybe like someone mentioned u can also give something to neighbors or one other category...


In addition to being easier, the cards mean I am spending money on tzedaka rather than on doodads for mm. I don't count the cards as my matanos Le evyonim, because the money is spent before purim, but it is an additional contribution to people who need it.
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amother




Salmon


Post  Sun, Feb 03 2019, 10:35 pm
What does tbi stand for?
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doctorima




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 03 2019, 10:50 pm
Not OP, but it usually stands for traumatic brain injury
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amother




Goldenrod


Post  Sun, Feb 03 2019, 10:51 pm
doctorima wrote:
Not OP, but it usually stands for traumatic brain injury

Yes
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amother




Cyan


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 12:50 am
The tbi abbreviation I know is total body irridation. I knew that doesn't make sense.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 6:25 am
A couple to ten. No card. Whoever sulks doesn't get anything ever
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 11:05 am
I don't think anyone will be angry at you for not getting mm from you. I hope your good friends understand you as they know your situation. This must be tough, good for you that you are trying to be strong & put in the effort that you are capable of & trying to get better. Keep going! Refuah shleimah!
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ShishKabob




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 11:12 am
Do all of them send to you? If not, I would just send back to whoever sends me and then make a limit for myself in case 20 friends decide to send. Or, I would prepare a few pretty bags with tissue paper and a card from myself saying 'simchas purim' and then I would just repurpose what I get from others and send it in my personal bag. Like that, I'm not really preparing so many and whoever sends me gets one back from me.
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amother




Goldenrod


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 11:41 am
ShishKabob wrote:
Do all of them send to you? If not, I would just send back to whoever sends me and then make a limit for myself in case 20 friends decide to send. Or, I would prepare a few pretty bags with tissue paper and a card from myself saying 'simchas purim' and then I would just repurpose what I get from others and send it in my personal bag. Like that, I'm not really preparing so many and whoever sends me gets one back from me.


Yes, they all send to me. But, not trying to be unappreciative of your suggestions but giving back to whoever gives to me or repurposing won't work with a tbi. I can put together a very few that are planned. Or stick to one.
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amother




Goldenrod


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 11:42 am
dankbar wrote:
I don't think anyone will be angry at you for not getting mm from you. I hope your good friends understand you as they know your situation. This must be tough, good for you that you are trying to be strong & put in the effort that you are capable of & trying to get better. Keep going! Refuah shleimah!


Thank you. One foot in front of the other, as they say.
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