No Pesach plan whatsoever

amother

Plum

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 2:03 pm

Thanks again for the chizuk. I am looking for solutions. Though these options don't work for obvious reasons. We are only holding on to the belief that Hashem can help in an instant though we don't see any way out.
Going out to work is totally not realistic for me now, as I mentioned we bh have a large family of young children, no big ones to help out yet.
I was never able to clean or cook before 2 weeks close to pesach as this apartment is too small for keeping pesachdig with small fingers around.
I keep decluttering all year, we've got no extras.
I've done pesach with newborns before, but with this tiny horrible dingy apartment I don't feel I can do it anymore.
I don't feel comfortable sharing my location on public forum. I already shared much information and location will totally give away my identity.

pesek zman

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 2:05 pm

Holding out hope is NOT a plan that you can do exclusive of actually making a plan. None of these suggestions are ‘daven’ for obvious reason: davening goes in conjunction with taking action. Gd can help in an instant but you have to help yourself too.

amother

Plum

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 2:11 pm

We've been searching for a larger apartment for a while, we haven't found anything or the prices are way above what we can afford.
What other hishtadlus can we do?
Cooking is not THE ultimate issue here. I can buy or hire someone to cook. The space and financial crunch is the issue.

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 2:15 pm

OP, so you have absolutely no family or friends to help you out?
Is it possible to make arrangements with neighbors to have your kids for a little while?
I have asked already some of my kids classmates if they would have my kids, bh most people are happy to help, you just need to ask.

Ema of 5

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 2:20 pm

amother wrote:

It seems as if pesach is the least of your problems. let's say you want to went to a hotel for pesach and then you had to come with your new addition to the same small house how you going to figure that? I don't find making pesach not as overwhelming because I don't let it overwhelm me.I clean my house to the best that I can no toothpicks no nothing. And then a simple yummy food. Nothing wrong with making a basic Yom to if you just had a baby. Also look into people who sell food for yontov that you can buy ready made food.

Nothing wrong with making a basic Yom tov even if you DIDNT just have a baby :-)

OP, the only advice I can give you is to minimize your cleaning. You don’t need to go over everything with a fine tooth comb. You don’t need to vacuum your curtains and wash down the walls. You know what I mean? It seems like your place is small enough that you can give it (or maybe hire someone, if that’s in your budget) a thorough cleaning in a day or two. My house is significantly bigger than yours, and it takes under a week (spread out over time, so it actually takes longer) to get everything cleaned. I don’t make myself crazy, like by going through clothes and stuff, and I don’t allow it to become a spring cleaning.

amother

Natural

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 2:20 pm

amother wrote:

TBH, the histadlus you need to do is to find additional sources of income. If you're currently home with your kids, you may need to work. Or if both you and your DH are working, one of you may need to take a second job, night or weekends while looking (or training) for more remunerative work.

amother

Aubergine

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 2:21 pm

amother wrote:

Not to be rude but if the issue is space what's the difference if you're having your baby peasch or mid June either which way you look at it you don't have the room for another one if you can hire someone to cook that sounds great can the kids in your room be moved to the living room to sleep maybe a sofa bed temporary. I understand your dilemma but it doesn't seem like it's really about peasch as much as you outgrew your apartment with a baby on the way.

ra_mom

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 2:25 pm

It sounds like you need to make your home more comfortable.

Buy a 33" bunk bed with room underneath for an additional pull out bed. That way you can have 3 children in a small space. You'll be able to use it even in a bigger apartment, separated into 2 separate beds side by side once you have the room.

You shouldn't have 2 children in your master bedroom. If that's the only area with space, then pay a handyman to put up sheetrock to create their own "room" and space in there.

If even a 33" is too big and the kids are small, buy or build a toddler bed size bunk bed.

If the apartment is dingy as you say, keep the blinds open and brighten things up by painting by yourself now so you feel better about how you feel while you're home. If that's too big of a project for you, then paint halfway up the wall, waist high, so it's color block and the bottom is fresh and bright.

I agree that you should throw out, condense and watch some Marie Kondo YouTube videos to figure out how to make your space more enjoyable.

Wishing you lots of Mazel and happiness!

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 2:29 pm

I'm know I'm going to get yelled at b/c this does not help the OP now, but I'll say it anyway. As soon as this child is born, you need to get on BC for a very long time. Do you want to face this situation again with an even larger family?

tichellady

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 2:33 pm

I can’t help you with the space issue but perhaps you can buy a Kosher for pesach crockpot and start making food overnight for pesach early and freeze. You don’t need to kasher your kitchen for this, just a clean surface that you can cover with a towel or tablecloth. I hope you are able to figure this all out.

amother

Puce

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 2:33 pm

Op, how much rent are you paying now?

Once we know, people can list possible rentals they know of in that price range.
You can decide if the area is good for you.

I wish you could get an invitation for pesach. Do you really have no family or friends who would agree to host you at least for the first days?
BTW, it is sometimes easier to stay home with a whole family rather than worry about how your kids are behaving in someone else’s house.

watergirl

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 2:34 pm

I hope this doesnt come across as harsh or mean. I mean it kindly.

I’m not sure what you want to hear. You have said that you have no ability to move, no where to go and no money to move with. Yet you have to move. You say you are already in dire straights. DH works late and cant help. You dont feel up to it. You have no one to ask for help.

Yes, daven! HKBH can work nissim and Pesach is the time that we know this the most. But something has to give. The practical solution, barring nissim, is to suck it up and do one of the things listes in this thread, as hard as it is. My husband has pulled all nighters before pesach when he needed to. That may be what needs to happen.

Pesach needs to be made no matter where you live. Cooking and cleaning has to happen anywhere. Let’s say somebody handed you $5000 to cover moving expenses and first and last months rent for a bigger apartment. You still have to pack up all of your stuff, clean your current apartment, then clean your new apartment to live in, kasher it, and cook. Your husband will still be leaving for work early in the morning and not coming home till late at night. You will still be feeling not up to cooking and cleaning.

If moving is not an option, or even if it is, the basic situation and dilemma will be the same. What would you do if you could move? Can you do that?

amother

Ginger

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 2:36 pm

There's a lot of good advice here.

I'm going to add - for Pesach, look into buying some prepared food and cooking very simply. Eat on paper plates. It's just a week.

Long term, look into moving someplace more affordable and increasing your income. There's no way to avoid the reality that you will need more space and more money as time goes on.

amother

Aubergine

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 2:36 pm

Ema of 4 wrote:

Nothing wrong with making a basic Yom tov even if you DIDNT just have a baby :-)

Nope I love making simple Yom tov simple does not mean less beautiful it means mommy is less stressed and enjoys it more with her children I grew up with the big dreaded weeks pesach cleaning / cooking till Yom tov. I do peasach cleaning in a day I have done it myself and more recently with a pesach cleaning crew. if you keep your house relatively clean all year ( and believe me my house gets messy) it's not a big deal.

amother

Puce

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 2:46 pm

tichellady wrote:

How do you wash knives, peelers etc. if the sink isn’t kashered?

imasinger

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 3:00 pm

Here's what I'm understanding from OP.

The dilapidated, tiny apartment is the main issue.

She wants out. She needs out. She will have 3 kids, one a newborn, sleeping in their bedroom.

The issue of Pesach just makes it worse.

She has been looking for a better space in their price range, but not found anything. Her DH works full time, but money is still a big problem.

OP, if I'm reading this right, and the main issue is that there is just not reasonable space available in your neighborhood for what you can afford, what other options (loans, looking elsewhere) have you considered?

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 3:06 pm

imasinger: the OP said she has a large family and already has 2 kids sleeping in her room. So I would guess that this is at least her 5th child. And they all are very young as none can help with Pesach. If this is not a warning to all those who say -go ahead and have a large family and the L-rd will provide - well he is providing the OP with a tiny apt right now. If people want more than that, they cannot have as large a family as they want. You cannot have everything.