No Pesach plan whatsoever

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Pesach

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Ema of 5

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 3:13 pm

amother wrote:

imasinger: the OP said she has a large family and already has 2 kids sleeping in her room. So I would guess that this is at least her 5th child. And they all are very young as none can help with Pesach. If this is not a warning to all those who say -go ahead and have a large family and the L-rd will provide - well he is providing the OP with a tiny apt right now. If people want more than that, they cannot have as large a family as they want. You cannot have everything.

I don’t know, my kids always helped....I gave them wipes and areas to clean, or toys (that was more to keep them busy, so I could actually get stuff done). My 1.5 and 5.5 cleaned out the fridge and freezer last year. I emptied it, they cleaned it with wipes. If you get creative , even little people can help. Especially in a not so big area.

imasinger

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 3:15 pm

Powderblue, it is not allowed to give mussar in a way that will not be heard.

OP is struggling and overwhelmed. She can't undo this pregnancy, and this is her thread. Can you please delete your post and make a spin-off, if you feel you must?

Raisin

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 3:21 pm

can friends or relatives take some of your kids for pesach?

I'm sorry it sounds really hard but I also don't see why Pesach is so much harder then another times if you are not worried about cooking or cleaning. (the obvious concerns)

BH you have many wonderful brochos. A husband who works hard and healthy children. Your problem is a cramped and not so nice apartment.

Is moving to a different cheaper area an option?

amother

Puce

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 3:32 pm

I think great that op is living within her
Means. Often people justify spending more on a place to live only to regret it later on.

elisheva25

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 3:45 pm

Op what you need is larger space . Keep looking and keep davening !!! Eventually you will find something ! Maybe not today, maybe not tomm but these sitautations resolve. Keep your chin up! HaShem can solve your issues in a split second . It’s like a shidduch, you only need one apartment that matches your needs

amother

Cobalt

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 4:21 pm

OP
check out the link below. this may be a very viable and reasonable pesach option for you. check out all their options. kids under 3 are free. it's on a camp grounds so your only paying food. it's a steal
cgipoconos.org/upcoming-retreats/163/passover-retreat-2019-full-program-9-days/

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 4:45 pm

OP,
First feel good & take care of yourself.

Your apartment is no longer meeting your family’s needs.

There are really only 2 options:
1. Figure out a way to increase your income. This can be long term -I.e. you or DH take a loan to go to school so in the future you can not only pay it back but significantly increase your income. Or your husband finds a better paying job. Or you find a job that’s worth doing & paying child care. Or maybe start a babysitting /playgroup in your home, wash sheitels, mending or anything you’re good at.

2. If #1 isn’t feasible, or can’t earn you enough, you need to move to a place with cheaper housing, and cheaper living costs.

There really aren’t any magic solutions.

Also, think honestly OP, are you really up to packing everything, shlepping, unpacking, settling your family in a new home AND making pesach? Being that you are late in pregnancy, have a few young kids, a husband who works long hours, and no family to help -this would seem even more stressful for me! And I’d be nervous for yours and the baby’s health. Honestly I think your best bet is to take things as easy as possible, & use some of the suggestions above to get thru pesach.

Meanwhile you & DH should do everything in your power to look into options of increasing your income, and /or moving to a place with cheaper living costs. Daven, daven, daven, and do your best hishtadlus. Hopefully once you recover from the birth & baby is a couple months old, you’ll be ready to implement wtvr u decide & move or work hard towards moving...

Lots of hatzlacha, and nachas from your kinderlach!

Last edited by amother on Wed, Mar 13 2019, 3:16 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Plum

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 6:07 pm

OP here, I wanna Thank all friends who took the time to give chizuk and show empathy to our unfortunate situation. Imasinger, I especially appreciate your sensitive post, I feel that you understand what we're going through. As well as Elisheva. Amain to all special wishes and blessings.
I do not appreciate the negative and judgmental comments. I am a real person with feelings.
I specifically changed some identifying details so that you shouldn't figure me out. I have children of all ages including older boys but that doesn't help out much.
No thanks for the advice on taking BC. I can understand why you felt like saying that but please keep such insensitive comments to yourself, it feels very hurtful.
We are doing our utmost hishtadlus for income, though Hashem determines the ultimate outcome. We've got lots of medical expenses...
The main issue is the apartment size which feels unbearable. It escalates on Yom tov when the kids are home all week.

amother

Puce

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 6:09 pm

How much rent are you paying now?

amother

Plum

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 6:21 pm

We pay little as it's an apartment made for newlyweds. And btw, yes I would move in an instant as soon as I find something decent, regardless of the shlep...

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 6:23 pm

OP, you did not reply if you would be willing to move to a different community, sometimes that's the only option.

amother

Denim

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 6:24 pm

I recommend the catskills. I did it with tiny apartment and small kids. The getting out wasn't easy but the freedom is bliss. I cooked the day before yom tov over there and the kids were able to run around freely. Your kids can run around in crocs and pajamas so it takes the pressure off clothing shopping. It doesnt sound easy but if your husband is good with the grocery shopping and you dont mind cooking, which in my opinion is much more fun in different enviroment, I think you should look into it.
We go every year since then even though our apartment is bigger by now. My kids love that it's so chilled.

amother

Amethyst

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 6:24 pm

I am also due on pesach and am using most of the tips listed here already but doesnt sound like pesach is your problem. You are more worried about your living situation in general and you have no one to help over pesach. but what is your plan if you need to be in the hospital over yom tov who will watch your children then? Can they watch then even if you are already home with the baby?

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 6:26 pm

My neighbor has a large family in a small apartment, they also go to the catskills every pesach. They live very frugally and this is the one thing they splurge on.

amother

Mustard

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 6:27 pm

Op, I really like ra mom's ideas for maximizing the space you're currently in. I know what it's like when you're already stretching every dollar, but I also know that sometimes it's crucial for your mental health to put a chunk of money into making your home more liveable. My family almost made a much needed move out of our apartment, and then we realized the financial strain would be too much. So we're putting some of the money into revamping our apartment to make it work at least another year or two.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 6:34 pm

Can you move out of Brooklyn? Most places are cheaper.

pesek zman

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 7:10 pm

amother wrote:

Are there Shuls with minyanim on Pesach in the Catskills?

amother

Mustard

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 7:16 pm

How can op make travel plans if she's due on erev pesach? I'm assuming she will need to be close to her hospital, and she doesn't know if she'll be giving birth two weeks before, two weeks after, or any time in between.

amother

Puce

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 7:22 pm

If you live in Brooklyn, Queens or Manhattan I kind of feel like you’re stuck. The lower rentals are either for tiny apartment meant for newly weds or else they are totally dilapidated and barely livable.

Lakewood has lower rentals and much more space plus usually new. Upstate NY is also an option. If anyone knows of a frum community with lower rental rates they should post!

Sounds like op would be able to move before her baby is born if she can move within the month! Let’s help her! It would have to work with her husbands job obviously and whatever else we don’t know about.

I remember when my relative lived in a 2 bedroom apartment with 7 kids! One or two slept in the living room. Whoever the baby was (there was always a baby) slept in their room. It was small but I don’t remember that it was dingy. They always seemed happy... if you are not happy then you must move! Mother of the home must always have menuchas hanefesh!

mom!

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 7:49 pm

Hugs op! This sounds really challenging. My only advice to you is to please discuss this with the rav of your shul. There surely had to be some fund/helpful individuals that assist you in some way, shape or form.
Feel good!

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