Boarders. | Imamother

WhatFor

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 11:12 am

If you want rates, you should post your location.

What do you mean by "pros"? Why are you doing it? If it's for money, then the pro is the extra income for whatever it's worth. Is it a chessed, like for a student in a school? If so, then the pro is doing the chessed.

The cons: you're inviting someone you presumably don't know to live in your family's personal space. Depending on their lifestyle or their issues, they might create issues in your life. If they're women, there could be yichud issues when no one but DH is home, depending on how you hold. If you're expecting anything other than payment for space, you might be disappointed. These are just potential cons and wouldn't necessarily happen.

mishpacha1

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 5:36 pm

I think it really depends on the boarder.
Some Pros are that it can make some money, possibly have extra babysitting or another hand in the house. Whoever it is its possible you can create a relationship with them and be a family figure that may be needed.
Cons are the huge responsibility that come with raising a kid, the lack of privacy, the uncomfortableness on both sides of having someone outside the family live with you.
I think it really depends on what your family is like and more importantly, what the boarder you would choose to take in is like.

amother

Tan

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 6:15 pm

I’m assuming you mean kids/teens as opposed to renting space to an adult. Where I live the going rate is $500 -$600 per boarder per month. This includes giving them a furnished room, meals & snacks, rides to doctor appointments, school events & friends. It also includes making them feel like part of the family, providing a listening ear, & generally helping them feel happy & comfortable. Most people feel it’s more worth it to get two or three as opposed to one, since you’re anyways giving up a room, plus cooking regular meals it just pays off financially to already take in a few. Also this way they can keep each other entertained, walk places together, etc. making it much easier. It is a good source of extra income, but it is a huge, huge responsibility. You are basically raising extra children the time they’re in your house, and you need to have the personality, and physical/emotional energy to do it right, otherwise it’s unfair to the boarders. Also you’re spouse and children must fully be on board for it to work.

OTOH, if its an adult /older teen boarder who has a separate entrance & takes care of their own food that would obviously be a completely different scenario & obviously much easier. Depending on if there’s a separate entrance, and what amenities they have that would make a huge difference to the price too.

Last edited by amother on Wed, Mar 13 2019, 1:45 am; edited 1 time in total

trixx

Mon, Mar 11 2019, 9:18 am

Raisin wrote:

a high school student who needs to board away from home most commonly.

I boarded as a high school student for years in many different places. I don't know that I would want to basically be living in this family's face unless it was a very specific kind of family. And the least I would want is a private bathroom. I mean does the father see me walking from the room to the bathroom? Do I need to get fully dressed just to pee in the middle of the night? What if I'm coming home late and waking up the whole house with my midnight shower? Are there crying kids in the middle of the night? Are there older kids that create yichud or just modesty issues? I don't think op has thought this through at all. And from her end, extra money is nice or even necessary, but there will be someone literally living on top of her head. Has she thought of that?

Raisin

Mon, Mar 11 2019, 9:25 am

trixx wrote:

You are very sheltered. Smile

Not being mean but lots of people share bathrooms. And some people need the income more then they need their privacy. My kids boarded by families (usually relatives) and in most cases there was no ensuite bathrooms. They wore tznius sleepwear.

Usually a family with teen boys won't have a teen girl boarder or vice versa.

Having said that I definitely wouldn't want to have a boarder because I like my own space and so does dh but I have had people staying for a few weeks and it is not the end of the world.

trixx

Mon, Mar 11 2019, 9:29 am

Raisin wrote:

You are very sheltered. Smile

I'm not. The most you can do for a daughter living away from home is provide good accommodations. Trust me I've seen it all.

amother

Plum

Mon, Mar 11 2019, 10:41 am

I have had boarders in the Chicago area - there are a lot of things to be aware of. Depends on what the age of the borders are. I had high school girls. In general - girls that are boarding out of town for high school come with some background issues - not matter how straight forward the story my seem.

My kids were young at the time, so it worked. However - there is a lot to bear in mind. What would you do if a boarder behaves in a way that you don't like. What do you do if a boarder overrides you - or gets involved in your children's chinuch - something as simple as giving an extra treat, or yelling at them etc.

Most boarders I know of sleep in the basement - however I cannot see sharing a bathroom upstairs as OK. These girls need space - even if your daughter doesn't. They are not related to you.

It is a big responsibility - just realize that there is a lot more involved than just providing food and lodging.

anonymous due to location:

amother

Silver

Mon, Mar 11 2019, 11:16 am

I've boarded at people during high school years. In hindsight, both families I stayed at were very special to have me.
I can't remember the bathroom setup in the first one, just that I definitely had my own room, and I think it was apart from their other kids but they took me in as a chessed case kind of thing and their kids were younger.
The other family was really special too, had a huge home and all their kids and parents slept on a different floor. I was very shy and introverted and I think they were ultimately disappointed that I got get more involved with their family, but I don't have the emotional space at that point in my life.
I agree with the other poster who wrote that most boarders will come with background issues. Most girls without issues aren't leaving where they live to go to school away from their families (unless they're realllly out of town.) I'm sorry to say it like that but it's true. It shouldn't serve as a deterrent if you can handle that kind of thing but you should be aware.

amother

Burlywood

Mon, Mar 11 2019, 11:52 am

OP here. I have young kids, under 5, BH will have more.

When you are talking about issues, do you mean learning disabilities and social awareness, or does it mean something serious like drugs or going OTD.

From you comments, I guess it seems that a basement option would work better. We have a basement with a bathroom that we can add a shower to, so I guess then we would have a separate bathroom (with a little upfront cost), just wanting to see if it would be worth it. If anyone knows rates for Chicago, please share.

What about Shabbos, if we are invited out, do we bring our boarder(s) with us, or how would that work?

Thank you.

amother

Plum

Mon, Mar 11 2019, 12:05 pm

amother wrote:

Issues - generally unresolved family background issues that can reflect in behavior and school attitude / behavior. I had a border that wouldn't get up on time in the morning - would get in trouble in school etc. Her behavior was also difficult at home - moody and depressed at times. These issues can be serious enough to warrant regular therapy. (something you may or may not be told)

Yes issues like learning disabilities and social awareness can be difficult for someone to deal with especially - someone without experience in relating to teenagers. This can at times show in more serious matters - like talking to boys (if that is something you / the school find inappropriate), internet, movies - really depends if its a far right wing school or not.

Pricing - Chicago - about $550/month

For all intents - the boarder is your "daughter". Unless she goes to a friend or other family for Shabbos - she stays with you and goes with as a guest

Also - bear in mind carpools and rides. High school girls have different school times and responsibilities than elementary school. It is your responsibility to arrange that. This means participating in carpool to get to and from school and play practice etc.

Also - the more clarification up front the better. It seems that you don't have a specific boarder in mind currently - but clarifying who is responsible to pay for special foods the boarder likes (within reason you, but sometimes desires are for things much more expensive or what you would never buy), who buys toiletries, who is responsible for rides to things not school related - she wants to take lessons - is that your headache? What happens when the boarder breaks school rules...