Do not call my baby fat!

amother

Gray

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 2:45 pm

Cheiny wrote:

I think people here (those telling OP it’s not an insult) are missing the main point. The woman did not stop harping on it! A compliment might be, “Oh those chubby cheeks are just adorable,” but what OP described sounded much different!

Btw, OP, a good way to respond to others who ask or say inappropriate or prying things is, “WOW, you really are courageous in feeling so bold as to address matters that people feel are private.”

I never knew anyone to feel their babies weight or percentile was personal

I’d think it very strange for someone to say that.

ora_43

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 3:03 pm

When I saw the title, I thought "awww, but fat babies are the best!!"

But now that I read about the conversation, yes, that would annoy me too. Asking about percentiles just comes across as if she's trying to gather information to make some kind of judgment. Like, you'll tell her what percentile your dd is in, and then she'll decide whether or not that's OK.

I'd try to be dan l'chaf zchut that she didn't mean it that way, and she really might not have meant it that way, but it would get on my nerves.

I'm sure your baby is lovely, squishy baby cheeks really are the best Very Happy

doodlesmom

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 4:23 pm

amother wrote:

Well EXCUSE ME! Should I ask her how much she weighs and her blood pressure? First of all, don't keep going. Clearly I was not enjoying this conversation based on my body language and voice. Second of all, it is NONE of your business what my baby's percentile is. And if she was off the charts, then don't you think it would be a cause of stress for me and you should pry out of it considering I don't even know you?? And just btw shes wearing 9 month clothing. Its not like she's disgustingly huge. Shes chubby and has perfect rolls for me to kiss all day. Smile

So annoyed by this interaction. Wondering if anyone else would feel this way.

[b]
I can't believe you think chubby babies are a cause for stress. That's horrible. Especially when breastfed.

Rappel

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 4:25 pm

Your descriptions make me want to hug your cutie!!!

I'm sorry you had a negative experience with this other woman. It sounds like she was subtly judging your baby, and that's something no new momma should ever hear.

That being said, if I pass you in the street, I hope you won't mind when I exclaim over her cheeks and her hands and her thunder thighs. Squishy babies are adorable!

amother

Plum

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 5:32 pm

pause wrote:

And IME, better behaved.

My theory is of they are chubby they are feeding well. We'll fed babies are happier. Smile

My skinny baby was a miserable baby. My father baby was a happy baby....

At some point my oldest was 95% percentile weight and 98% percentile for height.
She was a big chubby baby and she had those HUGE dive-able cheeks. Just. Plain. Delicious.

By 4 months I got her 12 months stretchies.

At 5.5 she still has those cheeks. It's just pure coziness to kiss is. Soft and pudgy. She's now taller than average. But actually pretty slim.

Her sister at 4 has the softest cheeks too. But there is no flesh there.... she is super petite/narrow in figure type. She still fits in 18 months size clothing. But is of taller/average height.....

So baby weight doesn't say anything about how your baby will be eventually.

One of my sisters was a very very chubby preschooler. the biggest tallest kid in her class. Then she grew even taller but was still chubby-ish and always the tallest kid. By a head taller or more.
Then she stopped growing before she hit highschool. And as she grew older, her body toned down naturally. No diet or extra exercise. Now, 8 kids later, she's naturally super thin. And becuase she stopped growing around 6th grade, she us actually shortish!
(just under 5'3")

Enjoy your baby's yummy chubbyness and her father rolls.
Dive in and blow some raspberries in there. There is nothing like it. LOL

amother

Crimson

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 5:36 pm

amother wrote:

I never knew anyone to feel their babies weight or percentile was personal

I’d think it very strange for someone to say that.

With people like the nosy lady op met who didn’t stop carrying on about the weight of the baby -thats whats strange and I think its perfect to answer her in a way to see she is being too nosy. She’s the one who’s strange.

amother

Teal

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 5:37 pm

amother wrote:

Would this bother other people? I am very bothered by this interaction. My DH always is dan lkaf zechus and is positive the person was well meaning. I can't get it out of my head.

We went to shabbos lunch at a friend's and there was someone there who I had never met before. We had our beautiful 6 month old, happy, thriving baby with us. (Can you tell I am in love with her?) She is quite chubby and delicious. This woman makes a comment about how big she is and how she looks like she could be a year old, and how old is she. Ok. Then she keeps talking about how big she is and how her stomach and cheeks are so big. Then she asks what percentile is she in. I responded shes in the 50th which she was at the last dr appointment. She then responds, no I'm not asking percentile for height, I'm asking what percentile for weight is she in.

Well EXCUSE ME! Should I ask her how much she weighs and her blood pressure? First of all, don't keep going. Clearly I was not enjoying this conversation based on my body language and voice. Second of all, it is NONE of your business what my baby's percentile is. And if she was off the charts, then don't you think it would be a cause of stress for me and you should pry out of it considering I don't even know you?? And just btw shes wearing 9 month clothing. Its not like she's disgustingly huge. Shes chubby and has perfect rolls for me to kiss all day. Smile

So annoyed by this interaction. Wondering if anyone else would feel this way.

Some people have nothing better to do than comment on other people. I feel sorry for them that their own lives must be so dull. I make skinny babies so I get the same annoying comments reversed plus the obvious implication is that my babies are undernourished due to my shoddy parenting. 🙄 I don’t know what the solution is except to not take it personally and realize it is their problem and nothing to do with your cute baby.

DVOM

Mon, Mar 11 2019, 8:09 am

I've witnessed the 'chubby baby' conversation tens of times. I've never thought questions about a baby's weight or percentile or eating habits were taboo topics of conversation. If I met you and your adorable chubby princess at a neighbors meal I might try to break the ice by commenting on your baby's weight and asking you questions about it. In my experience, new moms are delighted to talk about their babies eating habits and weight gain trends and are thrilled to have an interested audience. Look at how many woman hear recall in vivid detail their kid's percentiles, baby clothing size, and chubbiness relative to their age. In my opinion, the woman whose comments so bothered you was just trying to start up a conversation. I would never dream of a mom being stressed or distressed by her babies weight percentile unless it was dangerously low. I'd take a deep breath and assume the comments were well meant. It seems like you might be sensitive about your baby's weight. As other posters have said, a fat baby is usually a well fed, healthy, and contented one. Own it and be proud!

That having been said, as with any conversation that makes you feel uncomfortable, you can always change the topic. People are usually easily diverted by questions or compliments about themselves: "No, I meant what is her weight percentile?" "You know, I'm really distracted by that lovely necklace your wearing. Can I see that a little closer? Wow, that's really stunning! Where did you get this? Was it a 'special occasion' piece?"

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Mar 11 2019, 8:27 am

My whole entire life I was told I'm too fat by my parents. My father often said that I will never find a man who will marry me because of my weight.
So when someone commented on my baby that she's chubby or fat I really had to force myself to keep my tears from flowing like a waterfall. The comments "oh she looks like she's eating tons! " "Wow she's so fat shell have a hard time crawling" " don't worry she'll lose the weight eventually " etc are really hurtful. I was bulimic for more than half my life because of my parents comments and I really don't want my daughter to start her life with stupid comments like these.
I know I'm overly sensitive about this topic but I just hope people understand that for some people the whole weight topic is a sensitive issue.

amother

Silver

Mon, Mar 11 2019, 8:55 am

I wrote that these comments bother me too. And I specified that I’m not talking about the comments that clearly were said as compliments - “she’s so cute and chubby!! Look at those cheeks!!” I’m not op but I think it’s very clear when these comments are not compliments. Saying things like “do you think she’ll be big-boned?” dont engender nice feelings that my baby is a delicious pinchable princess.

If you haven’t experienced these “compliments,” (clearly not compliments) you don’t know what we are talking about.

amother

Pearl

Mon, Mar 11 2019, 9:27 am

Until my oldest was around 1, my in laws were constantly harping on how chubby he was. Not in a "so cute" way, more like a "what's wrong with him/you?" way. Then he slimmed out big time, and they've spent the next 8 years commenting on how thin he is. Can't win Can't Believe It

I learned to tune them out, and I agree that the whole topic is none of anyone's beeswax aside from the baby's parents and pediatrician.

amother

Gray

Mon, Mar 11 2019, 9:49 am

doodlesmom wrote:

[b]
I can't believe you think chubby babies are a cause for stress. That's horrible. Especially when breastfed.

Off the chart is nothing but wonderful. As long as it’s on the high end why is it a source of stress? I’ve had kids way over 95%. I always thought it was something to be happy about. Not anxious.
On the low end it makes me nervous.

SixOfWands

Mon, Mar 11 2019, 10:54 am

amother wrote:

So annoyed by this interaction. Wondering if anyone else would feel this way.

Yes, the woman is out of line. Not because any one comments was wrong, but because she kept going on about it.

But you do realize that you repeatedly refer to your baby as fat. See bolded.

amother

Beige

Mon, Mar 11 2019, 11:15 am

I had the same exact thing with a neighbor and didn’t know what to do with myself.
She had this look of disgust and said oh my gosh your baby is soooo fat is that ok? She went on and on prodding literally with a wrinkled nose the entire time.
My baby is 80th percentile for both height and weight.

I cannot express how violated I felt.

A chubby baby is a healthy baby. And baby chub is not an indicator of someone being fat. And especially if breastfeeding, as per the pediatrician I use, there is no such thing as overfeeding if you exclusively nurse.

And then people wonder why eating disorders are so prevalent and starting and younger and younger ages!

Let a kid be a kid , let a baby be a baby. If within heathy range , why does being ‘fat’ need to be discussed.