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Does playgroup morah have final say?
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amother




Taupe


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 9:24 am
My sons morah is insisting on napping my 2 year old. He's in from approx a quarter to 11-1. He plays around in the bedroom and takes a while till he falls asleep.

For the past week at least, he's been giving me a hard time going to sleep at home and often doesn't fall asleep till 9 or 10 at night. On shabbos and sunday he did not nap amd went to sleep nicely at 7.
He also suddenly started crying to leave the door open, when its always been closed for him to go to sleep. And waking middle of night crying.

I'm not sure if the problem is literally the nap, and without the nap he'd go to sleep nicely. Or that he's miserable at playgroup and having fears.

The morah claims he's happy there. He cries every morning and he's usually a happy go lucky kid who'll go anywhere. He actually cried today new playgroup, new playgroup. And when I pulled up he said no, no.

I feel awful leaving him there. But I don't know of any other options. All the other playgroups in my area are completely full.

Back to the nap issue. I tried asking her to skip nap to see if it makes a difference to nightime routine. She gave me a whole speech how its not fair to HER to skip the nap cuz she put so much energy into getting him into nap routine and training him to stay in bed all year. She needs the 2 hours brain space (hello I do too from 7-10pm) (and what am I paying her for) and I should talk to dr and give him melatinon at night.
Am I wrong?

Wow sorry this got really long!
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ShishKabob




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 9:27 am
I feel sorry for you. It's a tough situation. I do understand both sides of the coin though. Can't suggest anything concrete though. G'luck
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Cheiny




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 9:28 am
amother wrote:
My sons morah is insisting on napping my 2 year old. He's in from approx a quarter to 11-1. He plays around in the bedroom and takes a while till he falls asleep.

For the past week at least, he's been giving me a hard time going to sleep at home and often doesn't fall asleep till 9 or 10 at night. On shabbos and sunday he did not nap amd went to sleep nicely at 7.
He also suddenly started crying to leave the door open, when its always been closed for him to go to sleep. And waking middle of night crying.

I'm not sure if the problem is literally the nap, and without the nap he'd go to sleep nicely. Or that he's miserable at playgroup and having fears.

The morah claims he's happy there. He cries every morning and he's usually a happy go lucky kid who'll go anywhere. He actually cried today new playgroup, new playgroup. And when I pulled up he said no, no.

I feel awful leaving him there. But I don't know of any other options. All the other playgroups in my area are completely full.

Back to the nap issue. I tried asking her to skip nap to see if it makes a difference to nightime routine. She gave me a whole speech how its not fair to HER to skip the nap cuz she put so much energy into getting him into nap routine and training him to stay in bed all year. She needs the 2 hours brain space (hello I do too from 7-10pm) (and what am I paying her for) and I should talk to dr and give him melatinon at night.
Am I wrong?

Wow sorry this got really long!


You’re not wrong! You don’t need a playgroup morah who shirks her responsibilities by just getting the kids to sleep so she won’t have to do anything! They need stimulation, play, etc. If you just wanted someone to watch him while he sleeps, you could get a babysitter at home! It sounds like he’s definitely being affected by the daytime nap, and like something there has traumatizes him. I’d suggest you try your hardest to find another place for him.
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baby12x




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 9:29 am
Sorry. She's wrong and you're right.
You dont give melatonin to a child cuz you're PAID caregiver wants quiet time


Last edited by baby12x on Tue, Mar 12 2019, 9:30 am; edited 1 time in total
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Sebastian




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 9:30 am
OP, the morah has to listen to the parent imo. If you tell her to skip the nap, she should keep your toddler up. She's being paid to watch him. often 2 yos start out growing their naps towards the end of the year.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 9:31 am
You are not wrong. Many playgroups have rest time, or quiet time, rather than nap time. The children need to sit/rest quietly, but they don’t need to go to sleep. Maybe send him with some books to read during that time, some quiet toys to play with, some pictures and crayons.
I get that she needs a break, teaching, especially little people, is rough. But the reality is that NO ONE gets a two hour break every day while at work. She needs to work with you to make it work for both of you.
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notshanarishona




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 9:31 am
Doing a nap for 2's is normal but you definitely have a right to ask for him to be woken up after 1/2 hour / hour so he can sleep at night .
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ShishKabob




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 9:31 am
Sebastian wrote:
OP, the morah has to listen to the parent imo. If you tell her to skip the nap, she should keep your toddler up. She's being paid to watch him. often 2 yos start out growing their naps towards the end of the year.

This was my first reaction, however, I started thinking about the teachers part in all of this and that's why I responded the way I did.
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monkeys




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 9:32 am
Umm, you’re the mother. You’re paying her for a service. She needs to accommodate you.
She worked so hard to put him on a schedule? Great! But kids needs change as they grow. He no longer needs the nap. He’s up to the next stage. End of discussion.
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imasinger




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 9:32 am
That's so hard!

Bottom line, her house, her rules. There's no way to coerce her to change her routine.

I don't agree with giving melatonin as the solution, though.

As far as his morning protests, that's typical for that age and a relatively new routine, especially if he senses your ambivalence.

As I see it, you have 2 choices -- keep looking for a different playgroup that will be more comfortable with your schedule, or give it time and keep your eyes open.

I'd suggest the second. If you see anything seriously wrong, take him out, but otherwise, he -- and you! -- will probably adjust soon.

I'm sorry this has been so difficult for you both!
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Sebastian




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 9:33 am
ShishKabob wrote:
This was my first reaction, however, I started thinking about the teachers part in all of this and that's why I responded the way I did.


sometimes my boss asks me to do something I don't like. Too bad. My boss is the boss and I have to do what I'm told.

The mother is the morah's boss. She tells the morah what to do, not vice versa.
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ShishKabob




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 9:36 am
Sebastian wrote:
sometimes my boss asks me to do something I don't like. Too bad. My boss is the boss and I have to do what I'm told.

The mother is the morah's boss. She tells the morah what to do, not vice versa.

It's true when it comes to your boss, however, the playgroup Morah just may tell the mother, 'this is my policy and if you don't like it, find someplace else'
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Sebastian




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 9:38 am
ShishKabob wrote:
It's true when it comes to your boss, however, the playgroup Morah just may tell the mother, 'this is my policy and if you don't like it, find someplace else'


and then the Morah will have to refund the mom's money. It's not likely to happen.

I am familiar with 2 yo playgroups, it's not insane for kids to outgrow their naps at the end of the year. she can give him quiet time instead of nap time.


Last edited by Sebastian on Tue, Mar 12 2019, 9:39 am; edited 1 time in total
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ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 9:38 am
She sounds like she's trying to make it more convenient for her instead of convenient for you
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SixOfWands




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 9:46 am
If the playgroup schedules time for all kids to be napping, its difficult for them to allow one child to be roaming around. It would disturb the other kids' nap times, and generally wreak havoc. That said, a child who doesn't sleep should be allowed to sit quietly with a book; I highly recommend Where's Waldo and I Spy for this.

That said, it sounds like your child may be unhappy at the playgroup for other reasons. If he can't verbalize, try playing "playgroup" with him with his toys, to see if he shows or expressing anything troubling.
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amother




Sienna


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 9:59 am
Sebastian wrote:
sometimes my boss asks me to do something I don't like. Too bad. My boss is the boss and I have to do what I'm told.

The mother is the morah's boss. She tells the morah what to do, not vice versa.


The mother is not the morah's boss. For a boss employee relationship to exist OP would need to hire someone to stay with her child in her home.

That said - does sound like this playgroup (its odd to me that a playgroup would include nap time - sounds more like in-house daycare) isn't the right fit.
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nechamashifra




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 10:01 am
amother wrote:
My sons morah is insisting on napping my 2 year old. He's in from approx a quarter to 11-1. He plays around in the bedroom and takes a while till he falls asleep.

For the past week at least, he's been giving me a hard time going to sleep at home and often doesn't fall asleep till 9 or 10 at night. On shabbos and sunday he did not nap amd went to sleep nicely at 7.
He also suddenly started crying to leave the door open, when its always been closed for him to go to sleep. And waking middle of night crying.

I'm not sure if the problem is literally the nap, and without the nap he'd go to sleep nicely. Or that he's miserable at playgroup and having fears.

The morah claims he's happy there. He cries every morning and he's usually a happy go lucky kid who'll go anywhere. He actually cried today new playgroup, new playgroup. And when I pulled up he said no, no.

I feel awful leaving him there. But I don't know of any other options. All the other playgroups in my area are completely full.

Back to the nap issue. I tried asking her to skip nap to see if it makes a difference to nightime routine. She gave me a whole speech how its not fair to HER to skip the nap cuz she put so much energy into getting him into nap routine and training him to stay in bed all year. She needs the 2 hours brain space (hello I do too from 7-10pm) (and what am I paying her for) and I should talk to dr and give him melatinon at night.
Am I wrong?

Wow sorry this got really long!


Take him out of that playgroup. I would not send him another day.
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Chayalle




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 10:02 am
At age 2 all of my kids were tapering off of naps. I think that's normal for 2 year olds and should be accommodated by a Morah. She sounds a bit rigid in her schedule demands and not such a good fit for your child.
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Rappel




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 10:15 am
Whoa. Back up to the part where your kid is saying, however he knows how, that he would rather be anywhere but at your current playgroup.

Stop sending him. Even if you're working, and all the playgroups are full, then there must be decent babysitters in your area. Hire one of them, and get him OUT of this mess.
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amother




Ruby


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 10:15 am
the fact that your child is asking for new playgroup would be enough for me to say pull him out. he's not even crying to stay home with you, just not to go there!
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