Purim and the introvert

amother

Black

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 10:04 am

Where I live Purim is an all-out 24 hr wild street party.
If it were up to me I’d just stay home. Or at least in one place.
But dh thinks it’s not Purim unless you navigate the crowds or spend a couple hours stuck in drunk driver traffic.
I’m already dreading it. Trying to get as much alone time as possible which isn’t so feasible with a toddler at home, dh unpredictable schedule, and kids off from taanis Esther and on.
Never mind that mm still has to be assembled and consumes ironed and altered.
I want Purim to be over already.

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 10:08 am

Oh, you're so not alone! At this point I've managed to negotiate for a few hours in the afternoon between delivering mm and going to the mishteh, when I absolutely must have a break at home. The kids really need it too, so they stay home with me then and dh can wander around hitting up his own friends if he wants. The rest of the day really sucks though, and I dread it before and really need to recover after.

amother

Slategray

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 10:11 am

I'm an introvert too, I totally relate. I find that what helps me often on these types of days is thinking of it purely as something I'm doing for my kids, so it feels like more of a gift or experience I'm giving to them, rather than something I should love, or feel guilty that I don't, or whatever my mind does. Like if I took them to a Waterpark, or whatever. I woukd enjoy it in the sense that they were enjoying it, not because I personally found it to be pleasant.

amother

Puce

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 10:16 am

So let dh do his thing and you do yours. Dh can take the kids. And you can have peace at home.

Seriously

Signed, an introvert who is learning to stop dreading Purim and start enjoying it.

amother

Black

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 10:20 am

amother wrote:

So let dh do his thing and you do yours. Dh can take the kids. And you can have peace at home.

Seriously

Signed, an introvert who is learning to stop dreading Purim and start enjoying it.

So not worth the puppy eyes and hurt feelings over a day of torture.
I did make it clear that once the drinking starts I’m in charge. And that’s usually when I head home with the kids. So there’s that. No late night parties for us on Purim day.

thunderstorm

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 10:22 am

I have become introverted and enjoy Purim. I started staying home. Some years I host the Purim Seuda for my DHs entire family and I cook all day and prepare while DH is out and about with the kids. This year I'm doing NOTHING. I may go visit a friend or two but otherwise I asked DH to make sure my boys get to have entertainment and I'll stay home with the baby, in her costume (which nobody will see).
I chose not to shlep and get carsick to see my siblings. I'd rather be calm and enjoy the day my way. Sometimes I wake up early and daven vasikin so that I could be the only woman in shul too.

amother

Mustard

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 11:10 am

Thank you slategray.

That perspective (giving my family a fun experience,) may just get me through the day.

Purim is one of the most dreaded days in my calendar...

ssspectacular

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 11:38 am

I don't dread Purim anymore. ( I used to when I was living somebody else's life) Now I know who I am and don't try to do what I find so wild.....I enjoy hearing the megillah, seuda, …..All the rest is added on and not necessary if it's making you miserable.

amother

Black

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 11:41 am

ssspectacular wrote:

If only it were that simple

amother

Babypink

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 11:57 am

I used to dread purim too. Until my husband and I discussed what both our needs are and we found a middle ground that both of us are happy with bh.

amother

Copper

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 12:18 pm

Not an introvert, exactly, but not a party animal and dislike being among large groups of ppl I don’t know. I go to my annual get together with the same handful of people I’ve been celebrating with for 20+ years and dh goes to the big crowd scene. Win-win.