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amother




Cobalt


Post  Sat, Mar 23 2019, 9:20 pm
I don't want to come across as unappreciative but I do want to share this.

I received from two separate people 40 dollars on Purim. They put it into my hands. I was so humiliated and I don't know why.

I'm an official recipient of tzadakah due to a very obvious situation but I think for some reason I still prefer to keep my diginity?

Yes I'm a very easy going person so people think I'll take it in stride. But it bothers me to the core. I was so humiliated.

If you want to do your mitzvah of matanos l'evyonim you can put it onto my grocery account. These are people that have access to it. You can put it onto a gift card and send it in the mail. These are people that know my address.

No need for this face to face humiliation.
But then I'm all ambivalent about my need for dignity.
I know these people are nice. They mean well. They give me so much during the year.

But I hate to be made aware that I'm the case.

Vent over.
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OutATowner




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Mar 23 2019, 9:23 pm
That's frustrating, op. I understand. The year the Rabbi gave us matanos l'evyonim was a mixture of gratitude and humiliation.
May this time pass and may you be in a position to give next Purim!
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amother




Slategray


Post  Sat, Mar 23 2019, 9:31 pm
I gave a stranger mishloach monos. I heard that there was a need, since no one showed up at their house. It was obvious that they needed money. I put some money into the mishloach monos. I hope the person wasn't offended.
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amother




Cobalt


Post  Sat, Mar 23 2019, 9:33 pm
OutATowner wrote:
That's frustrating, op. I understand. The year the Rabbi gave us matanos l'evyonim was a mixture of gratitude and humiliation.
May this time pass and may you be in a position to give next Purim!


Thanks! I didn't even think in that direction!!! I feel like I'll never get out if this rut! You are giving me hope just by saying it. I appreciate it. I have tears in my eyes from feeling a little hopeful. Thanks again.

I don't want to say it but maybe for a bigger amount I wouldn't feel do humiliated. I know 40 dollars is a lot but its not that much that the humiliation should be worth it.

I hope I make sense. I don't want to come across as a spoiled unappreciative brat. I think I'm quite the opposite.
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amother




Cobalt


Post  Sat, Mar 23 2019, 9:35 pm
amother wrote:
I gave a stranger mishloach monos. I heard that there was a need, since no one showed up at their house. It was obvious that they needed money. I put some money into the mishloach monos. I hope the person wasn't offended.


That's very different than giving it into the palm of someones hand.
I would appreciate this way of giving. Its called giving btznua
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OutATowner




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Mar 23 2019, 9:40 pm
amother wrote:
Thanks! I didn't even think in that direction!!! I feel like I'll never get out if this rut! You are giving me hope just by saying it. I appreciate it. I have tears in my eyes from feeling a little hopeful. Thanks again.

I don't want to say it but maybe for a bigger amount I wouldn't feel do humiliated. I know 40 dollars is a lot but its not that much that the humiliation should be worth it.

I hope I make sense. I don't want to come across as a spoiled unappreciative brat. I think I'm quite the opposite.

You don't come across as spoiled or or unappreciative. You come across as someone struggling with circumstances and trying to maintain your dignity. I'm glad my words offered some solace. IyH we will return to this thread and you will share good news.
Until then, try to remember that people care, and gam ze yaavor.
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amother




Olive


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 6:02 am
I had a similar experience. We're also struggling financially. One family member told the others to give us money. It felt very uncomfortable knowing that they discussed our situation and are asked to donate. We too want to keep our dignity, and not be the nebach. Unfortunately Hashem put us in this matzav, and we need to be takers.
Some put it into our pay pal account, which was very appreciated. One put it into my hand. One called me over to the side during a simcha and shoved it into my hands. These were extremely embarrassing. One put an envelope into our shalach monos, that was discreet and appreciated.
May we very soon be on the giving end again and never need to take from others.
Until then, if someone wants to be nice and help us out, please do so in a discreet manner.
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amother




Seagreen


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 7:08 am
All money comes from G-d. If you take money that is not yours, then.yes you are a taker.

But that is not at all what is happening here. You are receiving money that G-d is giving you via a human Shaliach. You are a Receiver, not a taker. And a receiver is a type of giver. You give others an opportunity to fulfil G-d's will. You give yourself an opportunity to accept graciously and thankfully a Gift from G-d. You give me an opportunity write up this piece of Torah based on Rav Dessler in Strive for Truth. You give others an opportunity to learn the concept of giving, taking and receiving. All of this pushes the world forward closer to Messianic times.

May you soon be able to add to all this giving by also being able to give lots if tzeddakah money to others.
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