Afikomen Upper Age Limit?

amother

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 9:15 am

Hello,

I was wondering if people generally let their older teens still look for the Afikomen or do people restrict the search to those under Bar/Bat Mitzvah?

We have several older teens and two children under Bar Mitzvah age. Every year the older teens who are obviously bigger, taller etc tend to find the Afikomen making especially the eldest of the two younger kids sad. This year I want to restrict finding the Afikomen to those under Bar/Bat Mitzvah age. Do you think this is unreasonable or mean of me to institute? There won’t be other children at The Seder.

Mayflower

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 9:19 am

By us it the kids hiding the afikomen. Usually one kid chaps it and they go hide it together.

I do think it makes sense to let the younger kids do it.

amother

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 9:31 am

Mayflower wrote:

By us it the kids hiding the afikomen. Usually one kid chaps it and they go hide it together.

I do think it makes sense to let the younger kids do it.

But if the younger kids hide it in our house, the older teens once again get to search for it which is precisely what I am trying to avoid!

Chayalle

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 9:34 am

Growing up as one of 12, we had a rotating turn system for getting to hide the Afikomen, from oldest to youngest, with married kids phasing out. Also, my father looked for the Afikomen - siblings did not get to join the search - they just cheered from the sidelines.

Sometimes we did something like "hot and cold" game to help the process.....

amother

Lilac

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 9:36 am

Growing up, I'm pretty sure at one point my mother told the older kids that we had our chance and now it's the younger set's turn. Made perfect sense to me. Those who were still interested helped the younger ones
(Kids hide it, parents find it in our family). Or else maybe set up teams with a teen and younger child on each team.

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 9:37 am

The little kids steal and hide it, but everyone gets to ask for an afikomen gift, including mom!!

amother

Peach

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 9:43 am

Little kids are long sleeping by afikomen searching time. No big kids yet. The 20 and 30 somethings look for it. Its great.

Mayflower

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 9:44 am

amother wrote:

But if the younger kids hide it in our house, the older teens once again get to search for it which is precisely what I am trying to avoid!

By us it's also my husband who searches for the afikomen, not the kids.

amother

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 1:10 pm

amother wrote:

Little kids are long sleeping by afikomen searching time. No big kids yet. The 20 and 30 somethings look for it. Its great.

But for me, if my toddler is sleeping then, I only have one child under Bar Mitzvah. Either he looks alone or his older siblings jump in and beat him to it. Our tradition is for the adults to hide it (we enjoy this) so really those are our only two options.

amother

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 1:15 pm

amother wrote:

Little kids are long sleeping by afikomen searching time. No big kids yet. The 20 and 30 somethings look for it. Its great.

Sounds good although it isn’t really a helpful answer to my post. We don’t have any 20 or 30 somethings at our Seder and I am genuinely trying to stop my DC from tears this year.

amother

Orange

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 1:18 pm

Why not take turns? Assuming you have 2 sedarim. Have the little ones search the first night, when they are more alert and more likely awake. Have the older kids get their turn the 2nd night.
Growing up, we hid it and my father looked for it. My husband's minhag was always that father hides it and kids look. After many years of back and forth, we have now settled on a new minhag. One night, we hide it and the kids look. The next night, the kids hide it and we do the search. It's the beauty of living chutz l'aretz and having 2 nights of yt!

SixOfWands

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 1:19 pm

We engage in something of a free for all, with the afikomen being hidden and re-hidden and older kids helping and hindering the little guys. Then again, we believe in participation trophies -- everyone under the age of 10 or so gets something.

SixOfWands

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 1:21 pm

amother wrote:

Sounds good although it isn’t really a helpful answer to my post. We don’t have any 20 or 30 somethings at our Seder and I am genuinely trying to stop my DC from tears this year.

Team them up, so you have teens and littles working together.

amother

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 3:50 pm

amother wrote:

But at what point are they not older “kids” anymore? Surely our 18 and 19-year olds have had their turns.

amother

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 3:51 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

Team them up, so you have teens and littles working together.

Our kids won’t do that, that’s the problem.
They are all each to their own, hence the issue!

amother

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 3:52 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

We only have one under 10 and he might be asleep!

amother

Orange

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 4:17 pm

amother wrote:

But at what point are they not older “kids” anymore? Surely our 18 and 19-year olds have had their turns.

You decide! But it seems like for you, the older kids are teenagers and younger ones are below bar/bas mitzvah. So that's how you divide it.

Ultimately, not everyone will necessarily be happy with what you decide to do. But as Mommy, the bottom line is, the decision is yours. Do what you feel most comfortable with. And maybe you'll be surprised at the understanding, acceptance and cooperation of your teenagers.

amother

Black

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 5:17 pm

Everyone gets a small prize at our seder, and the 'big' prize for finding it is something to be shared, like a fancy board game. So no one is crushed at not finding, it's just fun.
Also sometimes we hid 2 afikomanim.

amother

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 5:25 pm

amother wrote:

Re: the bolded, this has never happened in previous years, just inane bickering!

WhatFor

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 5:57 pm

amother wrote:

But at what point are they not older “kids” anymore? Surely our 18 and 19-year olds have had their turns.

18 and 19??! I thought surely you were talking about 13 and 14 yo! I'm pretty sure there are 18 and 19yo imas on here. They're adults. That's not to say adults can't participate in afikomen, but in this situation where they're crowding out a small child, it's time to back off.

Have the discussion before pesach so you're not arguing in the moment of. Tell them they've had many years to lead afikomen finding and it's the younger siblings' turn. In a few years they might even have their own homes and they'll get to do afikomen again.

I'm honestly surprised that they would resist at their age.