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-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
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amother
Pumpkin
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 Wed, May 01 2019, 2:40 pm
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I don’t know if it’s necessary, but my daughter (going into 11th grade) says there’s a half year sem that she wants to go to and then she wants to come home and start her degree. She considers it the best of both worlds.
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allthingsblue
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Wed, May 01 2019, 2:41 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | If a girl is beautiful, slim, and curvy with beautiful midos and comes from a nice family who can provide for the couple, does she get am ex-pass then? |
Nope.
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amother
Wheat
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Wed, May 01 2019, 2:59 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | DD is having second thoughts about going to seminary. DH thinks it's necessary for a shidduch. DD has beautiful midos and will go if I tell her I think she should go. BH the money is not a factor in the decision making.
DD is beautiful, slim, and curvy. She is genuinely a nice girl, and she is modest. |
There is only 1 answer to this question. Period. Anyone who asks this question is lacking basic Emunah. Everyone is given a zivug 40 days before their conception. There is a G-d in the world. If you believe that seminary or no seminary will affect what G-d is in control of, you’re showing a total lack of Emunah
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amother
Wheat
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Wed, May 01 2019, 3:01 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | Why did come here to mock? It is hard to give the facts necessary to get a meaningful opinion. My daughter has the attributes that are attractive to guys. She also has the character that is attractive to guys and their mothers. It's a full picture when someone is picking a mate.
Mock all you want, but attraction is important in a mate. Why do you think pictures and dress size is asked for? |
So you’ll be proud when you get a son in law who looked at her for her chest size?
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amother
Beige
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Wed, May 01 2019, 3:01 pm
It is absolutely not necessary to go to seminary for a shidduch. Many times, it's the opposite. A boy (or boys mother haha) will prefer a girl who started real life.
For sure do NOT spend 25 grand if your daughter is not that interested anyway
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amother
Brown
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Wed, May 01 2019, 3:03 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | Thank you for sharing your story. Was there something that compensated for seminary like you were studying for a money making profession? I am trying to get a feel for what attributes are important. |
You mean what compensated for the "drawback" of not going to seminary? I dont think there really was anything.
I had good midos and a friendly personality, somewhat petite.
Nothing amazing about my situation, and like I said, I had the "drawback" of not having money or yichus or anything.
But I really didnt have any issues with shidduchim BH. Maybe if I wouldve been richer I would have had more boys redt to me, but theres really no way to know that. And either way, what difference would it make, only one of them would be my bashert anyway...
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Amalia
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Wed, May 01 2019, 3:03 pm
[quote="amother [ Wheat ]"]There is only 1 answer to this question. Period. Anyone who asks this question is lacking basic Emunah. Everyone is given a zivug 40 days before their conception. There is a G-d in the world. If you believe that seminary or no seminary will affect what G-d is in control of, you’re showing a total lack of Emunah[/
This drives me crazy on this site: why are people lecturing others on emunah, while lacking the courage to do so under their own username?
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SixOfWands
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Wed, May 01 2019, 3:20 pm
| amother [ Wheat ] wrote: | | So you’ll be proud when you get a son in law who looked at her for her chest size? |
Its entirely possible that she meant that Baby's Got Back.
All joking aside, OP, if your DD doesn't want to go to seminary, she shouldn't go. There's no guarantee that it will help -- or hurt -- her search for a spouse. I strongly suspect that my DD2 won't go.
BUT if you're from a community where virtually every young woman attends seminary, she should be able to articulate a good reason for her decision. Because people often don't like "different," and she may well be making herself "different."
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amother
Slategray
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Wed, May 01 2019, 3:31 pm
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My daughter did not go to Israel for seminary. She married a guy whose mother said she would NOT consider a girl who did not go to israel. Guess what it was bashert so they got married anyway.
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amother
Aquamarine
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Wed, May 01 2019, 4:00 pm
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If most people in her circles go, then I’d encourage it.
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amother
Jetblack
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Wed, May 01 2019, 4:22 pm
My DD is really pretty (so I'm told ) very smart and volunteers alot. School is BH really easy for her and she makes friends really easily.
Seminary wasn't an option, due to finances.
DD wants to get a degree. I don't want her going to college alone. I prefer that she goes when her friends attend.
I also didn't want my DD to be the only one of her friends that stayed home. They are all going to Israel.
My DD is going to Israel. She really wants to go. She wont come home for Pesach, BH for family. We will be paying out of our pocket around 50% of the tuition, due to various reasons. We aren't eligible for FASA.
edited for clarity (that's what happens when I respond via my phone)
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amother
Goldenrod
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Wed, May 01 2019, 4:29 pm
OP, no one gets an ez-pass when it comes to shiddichim. No matter how pretty, slim, curvy, attractive, or rich the girl is.
I hope you don't mean this question seriously.
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amother
Fuchsia
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Wed, May 01 2019, 4:35 pm
| amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote: | OP, no one gets an ez-pass when it comes to shiddichim. No matter how pretty, slim, curvy, attractive, or rich the girl is.
I hope you don't mean this question seriously. |
Umm... money does talk. A lot.
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chestnut
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Wed, May 01 2019, 4:40 pm
There's an Imamother land and then there's a real life.
If you're in yeshivishe circles, yes, she should go. It'll be a big question if she doesn't.
That said, she doesn't have to go to Israel. There are plenty of local ones.
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chestnut
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Wed, May 01 2019, 4:42 pm
| amother [ Jetblack ] wrote: | My DD is really pretty (so I'm told ) very smart and volunteers alot. School is BH really easy for her and she makes friends really easily.
Seminary wasn't an option, due to finances.
DD wants to get a degree. I don't want her going to college alone. I prefer that she goes when her friends attend.
I also didn't want my DD to be the only one of her friends that stayed home. They are all going to Israel. |
So, which one is it - seminary wasn't an option or she's going to Israel with friends?
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amother
Goldenrod
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Wed, May 01 2019, 4:45 pm
Amother fuschia, yes, money talks. But it's still not a guarantee that shidduchim will go easy. Money isn't everything.
OP seems to think that because her DD is a beautiful model & they have money, she'll have it easy when it comes to shiddichim. It's not how it works.
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notshanarishona
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Wed, May 01 2019, 5:10 pm
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Unless she had a real reason not to go I would recommend it. It's not good socially to be different from all your friends and to do something so out of the box. It means having no friends in the city, and unless she is going to a Jewish college (which I am assuming you are oot if everyone in her class is going ) then she is going to be limited . Also, most girls can use some fortifying hashkafically before college
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amother
Brown
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Wed, May 01 2019, 5:30 pm
| chestnut wrote: | There's an Imamother land and then there's a real life.
If you're in yeshivishe circles, yes, she should go. It'll be a big question if she doesn't.
That said, she doesn't have to go to Israel. There are plenty of local ones. |
Things like this bother me so much. Youre just perpetuating the fear that seminary is a must. For goodness sake! Have you tried the other option? Like I have? Because it worked just fine for me.
I feel SO BAD for all of you who feel this way. You really have these guidelines of things you must do for a shidduch?? So many women here worry about finances. Endlessly. Yet instead of encouraging them to do what is right for their own daughter, and to evaluate each scenario on its own, you inject this fear....this awful creeping fear, that pushes them to spend money they dont have, on something they dont need.
I know OP has money.
Im talking about all the other people in the same boat who dont.
And honestly, money aside...have a little backbone people! I mean, come on!! Grow a spine! You dont think your son should go to a certain yeshiva? Dont send him. You dont think you should paint your walls pink? Dont. You dont think your son needs a lavish bar mitzvah kiddush? Dont make one.You dont think your daughter needs a year in sem? Dont send her.
You do think she can really benefit from a year in sem? Then do send her!
But pleeeeeease take a look around at all the older single girls out there and tell yourself honestly if you see a common denominator that most of them skipped seminary.
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amother
Seafoam
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Wed, May 01 2019, 5:35 pm
Didn't go to Israel. Did a half day local and worked the other half. My sister's all did bulka and loved it. I got engaged first in my grade bh. Seminary, marks, and GO jobs mean ZILCH.
Bais yaakov circles.
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amother
Papaya
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Wed, May 01 2019, 5:38 pm
Forgive me for answering before reading this.
The answer is no. I'm yeshivish and have a DIL who didn't go to seminary and adore her and thank Hashem her for every day of the last few years since they met.
My next son DOES need someone who went to seminary, and advanced studies of some sort.
If you live in town, your daughter will have great options for night classes and other enrichment. I think it's important to keep learning for life, formally or informally. She will meet new teachers and new ideas, and possibly have a great social network too which will be helpful if most of her friends are in EY.
If you live OOT...people might be more judgy, fair or not, but shidduchim is NOT a reason to DO ANYTHING!
Good luck!
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