What do u do specifically different than your parents?

amother

Mon, May 06 2019, 12:10 am

I grew up in a large family. I would hate to call us poor because later on in life I realized how well off my parents actually were that they were able to raise us and marry us off without ever going into any debt or missing payments but they were very stingy on the small things. They never gave us a dollar when the neighbors kids were selling popcorn, never ever bought drinks at vending machines or any kinds of souvenirs from any small vacation we took. I am specifically generous with my kids on little things because this really bothered me growing up. What silly little things (or big things) do u do specifically different then your parents?

amother

Pink

Mon, May 06 2019, 12:34 am

My parents were also tight with their money. When we went on car trips we had to bring along all the food and when we stopped for gas we weren’t allowed to get anything. I don’t do this.
I also let my kids take “mental health days” when they need it. My parents were much more strict about going to school.

I space my children’s births (my mother didn’t believe in BC) so that I have more energy for each one.

nicole81

Mon, May 06 2019, 12:42 am

I'm raising a frum family.
I make my kids clean up their messes and take care of appropriate responsibilities from a young age (my mom tried to do everything for us, and then had breakdowns bc she couldn't handle to constant pressure)
I post a weekly menu for the family; when I grew up I never knew what would be for dinner or if we'd order from the drive through, etc.
I don't let my elementary age kids stay up late to complete homework. School is important, but so is sleep and our sanity.
I let my babies sleep in my bed the first year.

amother

Vermilion

Mon, May 06 2019, 12:44 am

I have a feeling my post will be somewhat unique in that my parents are greater people than me in many ways. They were/are extremely giving and have an open house 24/7 for the kids; made me feel like nothing mattered more than the kids; offered free meals; supported our kollel lifestyle according to their means; never asked for my savings to help marry me off, yet set me up extremely nicely despite penny pinching for themselves.
I don't think I can be so selfless. I work long hours. I don't put my children before me all the time (much of the time, but not ALL the time, like my parents did). I don't know if I'll be up to inviting the marrieds for weekday meals. Alot of my time is spent on building my business, or even just on imamother, while my kids do their own things. My mom didn't work and she didnt spend too much time on herself. I don't know if I will be able to afford helping them financially after their marriages. I'd like to, and hope to work hard to make it happen, but will not deny myself many things to make it happen (as my parents did).
Instead, I hope to empower my children to make it on their own, perhaps by paying for vocational training, if they so desire.

Israeli_C

Mon, May 06 2019, 1:08 am

I don't beat my children, for one.

I also encourage them to ask questions and be inquisitive about the world. Growing up Catholic, and questions were met with reactions to the effect that there was something wrong with me and I was weird.

I'm currently a SAHM and it's important for me to invest quality time in and really be WITH my kids. My own mother was a workaholic and I hardly saw her. At some stage she didn't even know what to feed me because she didn't know my likes or dislikes.

Shabbat is a time for family, eating together, spirituality. Growing up it was (and to this day is) a time when my mom goes shopping all day in the city and my dad does household chores.

I'm not going to pressure my daughters to lose weight or invest disproportionately in their appearances. I had an eating disorder in my teen years which I attribute mostly to my mom's comments about my weight, which I can remember as early as when I was 7 years old.

I take an interest in what happens in my kids' lives, who their friends are, what they enjoy. I was left to roam about and my parents had no idea who I was with or what I was doing. In hindsight, I can see how this got me into scarily dangerous situations, especially with men.

I cook meals at home instead of ordering chicken nuggets and chips and sitting kids in front of the TV with their food. We eat together. And don't have a TV.

There's probably more. My parents and I are night and day.

amother

Saddlebrown

Mon, May 06 2019, 2:16 am

I think about how what I say will effect them and don't say it if it will effect them negatively even if it's true (or how I truely feel).

Ex. I wouldn't say " I hate cleaning!" Or "Getting your period sucks! If you're lucky, you'll get it when you're 15 and not when you're 10." Or "Curly hair is such a pain!"

I ended up hating cleaning, got my period at a young age as did all of mom's daughters, and we all got her curly hair too. She wasn't purposely being mean, but complaining about things that you can't change just spreads negativity, especially in a child who doesn't already have an opinion formed.

gingertop

Mon, May 06 2019, 2:35 am

I listen to my kids. I believe in them. I stand up for them and advocate for them.
My parents had rules about EVERYTHING. And rules were unbreakable. I'm very flexible. Maybe too much of an over-correction.
My house is open to guests and friends. My mother made us do major cleanups before anyone walked through the door and otherwise made having friends over a huge bother.

There are many things that I admire about my parents and I try to maintain some of the things I grew up with. They tried their best but suffered from the zeal of the converted. They tried too hard to fit into the lifestyle they chose. But I still have positive feelings about certain elements of my upbringing, especially after I went through the process of understanding how alone and idealistic they were.

amother

Plum

Mon, May 06 2019, 3:27 am

I take care of my kids mental health.
I am open and speak to them about growing up and the birds and the bees.
I tell them I love them at least once a day.
I make them feel special.
I teach them that it's ok to make mistakes.
We take family pictures.
I talk to them about their feelings.
I advocate for them.
I know them.

amother

Lilac

Mon, May 06 2019, 7:20 am

I will never hit my child(ren).
I will not make my older kids be responsible to raise the younger kids. I will give household chores according to the kids needs and not according to my needs. I will pay for all of my kids needs and not make them earn their own money .

amother

Silver

Mon, May 06 2019, 7:33 am

I apologize when I am wrong.

I let them eat a lot more junk food

I still read to my 8 year old and plan to read to them until they don't want me to

I don't force them to daven or do mitzvos

I supervise them better

I tell them when my husband has been out of line with them

I consider them more from a young age

On the other hand my mother was stronger than me-physically, emotionally she could handle a lot.

amother

Amethyst

Mon, May 06 2019, 7:51 am

I only have a baby and a young toddler so I haven't really started serious parenting yet and my parents did a pretty good job. What I would do differently is giving a healthier view of being frugal, my parents were very careful with money because we really didn't have and I inherited a very unhealthy fear of dealing with money because of the tension. I also want my kids to be exposed to different kinds of food so they won't grow up picky like me (that I started already) and I'd like to make an effort to do actual structured activities on days off of school so that they can have memories, we just sat at home and kept busy, rarely went to the park or baked etc.

Otherwise, they did a great job, I daven to be half as good

thunderstorm

Mon, May 06 2019, 8:06 am

I like the entire household to be ready erev Shabbos a few hours before Shabbos , where we are able to relax and chill. My mother and father were both last minute. I remember my mother bentching lecht her hair wrapped in a towel and her in a bathrobe literally a minute before shkia. And it always involved yelling and screaming between putting away last minute muktzah or shutting lights etc.
My kids are getting older and they like the idea of last minute showering which drives me bonkers because we always did the opposite. So maybe my kids will end up being last minute people like my parents since I do the opposite.