Tips for taking care of IMA

yksraya

Wed, May 15 2019, 4:07 pm

Buy ready quick to grab food for breakfast-lunch and snacks. It might be a bit costly but it's your treat and you will end up eating normally instead of kids leftovers.

Try to nap a little when babies sleep or when someone else watches them.

A relaxing bath can do wonders especially for those painful welts. And gives you a little bit me time to reenergize so that you have more strength for your kids.

Get enough cleaning help and babysitting help so that you get a chance to breathe.

Go air out a little, shopping or just for a walk or eating out with your dh, or for coffee with a friend, or wherever you enjoy.

Raisin

Wed, May 15 2019, 4:23 pm

I think the best investment would be cleaning help. The schedule that really works well for me was 2 hours every other day (monday, wednesday and thursday) That frees up a lot of time to look after yourself.

I second hot baths! Some days I am just too exhausted to stand in the shower but nothing like a hot bath with bubbles.

Make a big vegetable lentil soup at the beginnig of the week. Buy frozen veggies to make it (frozen carrots, squash etc)

Mayflower

Thu, May 16 2019, 5:08 am

Israeli_C wrote:

I found out today from my babies' pediatrician that I have erythema nodosum which is basically really painful welts on my legs and painful joints, which has basically forced me to reassess how I'm managing.

Oh I feel for you Israeli_C! I had erythema nodosum a few years ago, and I thought I was going out of my mind from the itching, it was horrible!! I hope you started taking medication - once I started treatment, it healed very quickly.

I was told it's stress related (which made sense for me at the time, and it seems like it could make sense in your case too).

As for the self-care, it really is essential to both you and your family. Just like in cases of emergency you should first take care of your own safety before taking care of your children, you cannot take proper care of your kids if you don't take care of yourself.

- Taking a daily shower would be an absolute priority for me. Most people feel so much better when they are freshly showered, it really makes a huge difference. Surely once the kids are in bed, your husband can hold the fort for half an hour in case someone wakes up?

- I understand it's hard to feed four kids and eat at the same time. I think it would be wise to first eat while the kids play, so you have strength and energy to feed them. By the time you are done with them, you're probably too exhausted to even feel hungry anymore, so if you didn't eat before, you end up not eating at all.

- Babysitting help. More than cleaning help, I would try to find a girl/lady who could take your kids to the park for an hour or two every day, while you rest/catch a break.

amother

Lemon

Thu, May 16 2019, 6:43 am

Israeli_C wrote:

Many thanks to everyone for the wonderful advice! Particularly the breakfast idea and the laundry list for self care, that's definitely something I really need to start investing in starting now. I found out today from my babies' pediatrician that I have erythema nodosum which is basically really painful welts on my legs and painful joints, which has basically forced me to reassess how I'm managing. BE"H these hard few months will pass and I'll get out the other end in one piece! Thanks again to everyone!

Ouch. And you are chasing around toddlers with that!?.. I really hope it heals fast!
( I saw on other thread you are going to doctor - Kol hakavod! ... Any way you can get a taxi?)

Israeli_C

Thu, May 16 2019, 11:25 am

Many thanks for all the tips. I ended up in the miyun (ER) all day today because the erythema nodosum got worse and I was hardly able to walk this morning. Mine isn't itchy, just extremely painful. Turns out it was caused by a strep throat I had over pesach which I hadn't time to take care of (one thing leads to another!!) DH complained to me this evening for "wasting a whole day in the ER" - apparently it's because I eat too much chocolate (!!) Good thing he's not a doctor.... I really got a wakeup call that I need to tend to myself first no matter what so that I can be there for my kids. A difficult lesson...

amother

Amethyst

Thu, May 16 2019, 11:36 am

I didn't read all the posts. I put my twins in a laundry basket and plopped them in front of the shower door and took my shower. Twins keep each other entertained.

I did my wash using the laundry basket for the twins. Just put that basket on top. I cooked that way. I ate like a mensch. Make sure one twin can see the other.

Iymnok

Thu, May 16 2019, 12:00 pm

plan a breakfast.
Canned fruit and cottage cheese, coffee and maybe toast or rice cakes.
All prepackaged and quick.

Drink.

Give the kids crudités, cut extras.

Drink.

Do a 20min exercise video. Every other day.

Drink.

Get DH, or anyone to watch the house while you leave, alone for an hour. Go sit on a bench, go for a walk, buy a bag of milk, anything. You need alone time. Leave your phone.

Drink.

amother

Navy

Thu, May 16 2019, 12:07 pm

Israeli_C wrote:

You really need to get to therapy or something. If this pattern of your husband being unreasonable about your needs and health continues, you'll be in deep trouble.

amother

Lemon

Thu, May 16 2019, 1:10 pm

Israeli_C wrote:

Oh! I hope you feel better. Please take the time for the rest you need!

mommy3b2c

Thu, May 16 2019, 1:21 pm

Israeli_C wrote:

You’re husband is an abusive idiot. It’s clear to all of us by now. Please get IRL help. There is only so much any of us can do online.

keym

Thu, May 16 2019, 1:21 pm

Israeli_C wrote:

Please tell your husband from me that there is no such thing as getting sick from eating too much chocolate.
In fact there are studies (proven by me) that most ailments of mothers of many young children happen from not enough chocolate consumption. LOL

mha3484

Thu, May 16 2019, 3:45 pm

I find spending a lot of time outdoors has a very calming effect on me and my 4 year old. He is his best self outside. Way calmer and less wild. If you can make sitting out side in the sun every day a priority it can really do wonders for your mental health. Also my babies loved the swings at the park at that age. It chilled them out and got me out of my house!

Seashell

Thu, May 16 2019, 4:18 pm

Israeli_C wrote:

What? Your husband was annoyed at you for spending the day in the ER?! He didn’t feel terrible that you are suffering thru so much pain, and likely got sick bec u are way overworked, in big part bec he is not manning up to help u out nearly enough?! A normal husband would feel terrible for his wife’s suffering, make or buy her a delicious dinner, and bend over backwards to take care of her.
IMO -THIS is the real source of all your issues. It’s gone from bad to terrible, effecting you both emotionally and physically.

Israeli_c, what will it take ch”v to make u open your eyes?!

amother

Magenta

Sun, May 19 2019, 4:31 am

Israeli_C wrote:

I'm late to this thread, but I wanted to chime in. I'm so confused. I know you've been putting yourself last and dealing with a lot of things, but this makes no sense. You know strep throat is contagious, right? Why do you "not have time" to prevent exposing your kids to something that is contagious and can be serious, when you're otherwise the type who follows medical advice, gets them vaccinated, shields them from antivaxxers, etc.?

And you know it can be very serious, right? B"H THIS was the complication you got, and it sounds like it's treatable. But strep can travel to the heart and...well. Your kids need their mother.

And I don't even know what to say about a DH who gets upset that his wife dares to go to the ER. OP, I wish you'd take your children and run.

Israeli_C

Sun, May 19 2019, 4:35 am

amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

Firstly, I didn't know it was strep throat and thought it was a regular sore throat. It happened in the middle of pesach and I was up the walls with 4 kids under 3 years old.

DH is very into 'alternative' and 'natural' medicine. When I go to the doctor he is very negative and skeptical and usually asks me not to take the medicine they prescribe until I have tried something 'natural'. Needless to say, I don't relate to his ideas. I went to the doctor this morning for antibiotics and anti-inflammatories.

EDIT: Regarding 'exposing my children to something contagious' - what exactly am I supposed to do? They live in my house. In any case, treated or untreated, they will be 'exposed' to me. I'm very careful re washing hands, not kissing them etc when I'm ill. However, I'm their primary caretaker, and there's nobody around to take my place.