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I always feel like I'm the least flexible one.

 
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amother




OP


Post  Thu, May 23 2019, 12:41 pm
My husbands family is very chilled and last min. Im pretty much the opposite. My sil texted me to ask if she can sleep over with her 5 kids by me sunday night. DH and I have plans to go away but my kids will be around with a babysitter. Sil told me shell keep me posted because she doesnt have an concrete plans yet. I asked her to let me know by tomorrow bec I will have the cleaning lady here then ( I dont need to be doing 7 beds alone)
I know she wasnt planning on making a decision by tomorrow rather she was going to play it by ear sunday. So now I feel bad because I am always the least flexible one in my in law family. Story of my life...
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ShishKabob




 
 
 


Post  Thu, May 23 2019, 12:45 pm
It's not fun to be in this position! Maybe you can be chilled like her and not change the linen or prepare the beds. If she ends up coming you can let her know where the stuff is kept. If she's that chilled I don't think she'll mind and I don't think she'll think badly of you either.
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oneofakind




 
 
 


Post  Thu, May 23 2019, 12:48 pm
I think us unchilled types make it harder on ourselves with these people who couldn't care less.Continue with your plans and let her know where stuff is. If you let people know ahead of time, they can't complain.
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flowerpower




 
 
 


Post  Thu, May 23 2019, 12:49 pm
I am actually like you. I don’t like last minute surprises. If people want to sleep in my guest room they have to let me know by Wednesday. It’s a very normal request. If she is very chilled then she will lose out. Not your problem.
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trixx




 
 
 


Post  Thu, May 23 2019, 12:50 pm
It's ok to be wired differently and even to be known as the "uptight" one as long as it's not affecting the relationship. So you can also say "only asking bc I'll have cleaning lady then - if you need more time I'll leave clean linen out and you can change it"
If she's so easygoing, that's probably how she rolls anyways.
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MiracleMama




 
 
 


Post  Thu, May 23 2019, 12:53 pm
I’m the same way. I like organized plans. Leaving things up in the air causes me anxiety.
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pesek zman




 
 
 


Post  Thu, May 23 2019, 1:09 pm
I’m
Even more rigid than you: I can’t imagine being asked (3 days in advance no less) to host 7 people. Thankfully this isn’t my family culture but if it were I’d probfbly have to say no
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amother




Magenta


Post  Thu, May 23 2019, 1:13 pm
Why do they want to visit if you are away?
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amother




OP


Post  Thu, May 23 2019, 1:25 pm
Thanks to whoever said just leave the linen in the closet and give her to option to decide sunday and she can make the beds herself. I think shed like that and itll take pressure off of me.
Yess to whoever said last min gives them anxiety. That is very relatable
And to answer why they are coming if we arent there - they are coming in to shop for the day and they will see if they want to do the drive back or not. I guess depending on how late they end up being here ...
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thunderstorm




 
 
 


Post  Thu, May 23 2019, 2:00 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thanks to whoever said just leave the linen in the closet and give her to option to decide sunday and she can make the beds herself. I think shed like that and itll take pressure off of me.
Yess to whoever said last min gives them anxiety. That is very relatable
And to answer why they are coming if we arent there - they are coming in to shop for the day and they will see if they want to do the drive back or not. I guess depending on how late they end up being here ...

I had a SIL request that we bring our own linen when we were coming for Yom Tov so that she didn't have to bother with washing it afterward either. Can you just ask her to bring the linens, make the beds and remove and take the linens with her when they are done?
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Aylat




 
 
 


Post  Thu, May 23 2019, 2:20 pm
I'm your SIL's personality and I promise I don't want to make you go out of the way. Of course we'll put our own linens on and strip the beds afterwards! I'm sorry we last-minute-types cause you anxiety. Rigid plans stress me out, I prefer to react moment by moment to the situation.
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