S/O -giving a child his own room

amother

Tue, May 28 2019, 2:20 am

somebody mentioned in a different thread that one of the perks of a smaller family is that each child can get his own room.
This made me wonder.
I have two girls and that is probably how my family will stay.
I purposely put them both in the same room. I want them to learn to live together.
We have another room that is empty and is used as a guest room/study.
Should I rethink this?
Of course there is friction between them at times.
Am I depriving them of something good?

Ema of 5

Tue, May 28 2019, 4:24 am

We have four kids, 2 boys and 2 girls. Two kids share, and two have their own room.
I think it’s an individual/personality thing, as well as space. I think it’s a great concept for kids to learn to “live together” but in all honesty, there’s plenty of time for that later. Some kids need their own space, and other are ok sharing. You just need to do what works best for you and your kids, no matter what others do.

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, May 28 2019, 4:37 am

Just like some adults need more personal space and some are happy to be near other people all the time, kids also have inborn preferences. There's no "one size fits all" way of doing things.

Rappel

Tue, May 28 2019, 4:53 am

I think when kids are little, there is something calming and safe about sleeping in the same room. If they ever express the need for a change, then you have the option to give them that.

amother

Turquoise

Tue, May 28 2019, 6:12 am

My 5 yr d not only has his own room but took over the guest room. All his friends (from big families) are impressed. The advantages of being an only child.

But he thinks they are all lucky to share a room and always shares /wants to share when we have a kid sleeping over.

amother

Ginger

Tue, May 28 2019, 6:34 am

I have 3 kids. Always thought my 2 girls would share a bedroom for as long as they’re under my roof. That freed up the 4th bedroom to be an office/ guest bedroom. But I couldn’t take the fighting at bedtime anymore. One is a good sleeper who wants the room dark. The other wants lights on and is constantly making a commotion and refusing to go to bed. It lead to so much frustration for all of us. I split them up and everyone is happier now. I do miss the e tea room though.

notshanarishona

Tue, May 28 2019, 6:42 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Depends how old they are .. once they get past 9/10 , I would think they would appreciate privacy. Younger kids might prefer sleeping together in many cases.

DVOM

Tue, May 28 2019, 6:47 am

I really stressed this when we bought a house 2 years ago. Before moving, we lived in a tiny two bedroom apartment and our four boys shared a room, very peacefully actually. I always thought that when we had more space, we'd have two to a room. I thought (still think, really) that sharing a room is a healthy way to learn compromise and negotiation and flexibility. Now our boys share their own floor, the attic. It has three tiny, strangely shaped and slanty-roofed rooms. My oldest was happy to get his own room. But my next three all wanted to share. Sadly there wasn't one room large enough to fit three kids, so one has his own and the other two share. Very often though they host 'slumber parties' and drag their mattresses into each other's rooms. I see that my oldest really appreciates his own space. I think living with siblings provides other opportunities for learning to get along without actually sharing a room.

amother

Oak

Tue, May 28 2019, 6:59 am

I had to share a room with a sister who I really didn’t get along with. We fought a lot. I very much need personal space and was worried how I’d deal with a roommate after I got married. I had zero issues.

My relationship with my sister never recovered though.

I don’t think it’s prudent to force it. If they’re not getting along and there’s another room, just separate them.

Aylat

Tue, May 28 2019, 7:36 am

It makes a lot of sense to have a designated guest room available, especially if you host frequently. I don't think you're depriving your DDs by not giving them their own room each. If the friction is extreme, then I would reconsider.

singleagain

Tue, May 28 2019, 7:55 am

I shared a room with my younger sister. Until I was about 12 (she was 7) I remember saying her snoring bothered me, but really I thought she was too young to share with. I was going through puberty and she was this little kid. Do I moved to the guest room with the caveat that I would be the one uprooted when we had guests.

Chayalle

Tue, May 28 2019, 8:19 am

I have a small family and each of my girls now have their own (it wasn't always like this - only since we moved about a year ago.) It's great for my older girls - they truly appreciate and need the space. I don't think it's a good thing for my 11-year-old at all, though. But I can't manufacture a sibling in her age range for her, Hashem didn't give her one....and I'm not making my almost-18-year-old share a room for her just for her sake, when for many reasons it's good for my older one to have her own room.

So no, I don't consider it a perk, for sure not in the early years.

(and from her perspective, she used to be scared at night...she adjusted, but LOVES when one of her sisters moves in with her when company comes....)

Chayalle

Tue, May 28 2019, 8:21 am

DVOM wrote:

Totally OT but that sounds so charming! I always wanted such a home, with slanted roofs, etc....and your boys sound so healthy (not just on this post).

ra_mom

Wed, May 29 2019, 5:36 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My kids shared a room until dd was about 10/11 and on her own started going to sleep in the guest room because she needed space, and eventually that room just became hers.
Are they asking for separate rooms?
What sort of friction is there?