Why do people ease tznius rules for themselves??

Rappel

Wed, May 29 2019, 10:52 am

imorethanamother wrote:

But in GENERAL, the role models I point out to my children are in the community, they don't talk about what they do, and they don't advertise their amazingness. That's the tznius you're looking for, actually.

Amen, sistah!

Ideally (I definitely don't always manage this),we should be the cool role models. Imma is the one who builds a chair with her toddler, Imma is the one who does crazy dives off the side of the pool. And who is that up in the tree with the kids?

Tsniyut and fun are not mutually exclusive. The only reason it sometimes seems so is because there are just lots of people whom don't know how to chill in general.

Live what you love.

amother

Pewter

Wed, May 29 2019, 10:58 am

Off the topic a bit- but I guess I’m old- kind of from the last generation. But I wanted more info on a social worker so I went online. Her instagram page pops up with lots of close up pictures of her face at different angles, glamorous wig and tons of makeup- interspersed with her insights. Something turned me off- but like I said, I’m kind of “old”

amother

Pearl

Wed, May 29 2019, 11:10 am

For most sports, tzniut would get in the way at least a little bit, so I totally understand why a frum cowgirl or a frum snowboarder would ease tzniut standards.

Whereas there are other cool, out of the box things where I don't have an answer. For instance, if we are talking about a frum mathematician or a frum poet.

amother

Chocolate

Wed, May 29 2019, 11:11 am

I get turned off by glamorous therapists also. I'm looking for someone who can feel comfortable in my "garbage", not someone who will come across as look at me, I'm so beautiful and awesome and put together.

amother

Smokey

Wed, May 29 2019, 11:15 am

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

Yes I was just thinking this yesterday

Rappel

Wed, May 29 2019, 11:17 am

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

For most sports, tzniut would get in the way at least a little bit, so I totally understand why a frum cowgirl or a frum snowboarder would ease tzniut standards.

.

I've heard that before, but I think when it comes to women's dress, people just don't know their options. Good Aladdin pants (a drop crotch below knees, sturdy breathable fabric, comfortably snug at the ankles) matched with a tunic dress is modest no matter what the sport or the angle. It beats wearing a skirt any day.

amother

Pewter

Wed, May 29 2019, 11:24 am

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

I guess glamorous therapists are one thing- posting yourself online like that sent me a message of: this is whats important to me, kind of shallow

amother

Cerulean

Wed, May 29 2019, 12:26 pm

urban gypsy wrote:

This is a very cool story. I've reached out twice to frum IG-ers with constructive criticism about behaviour (once about posting nude kids, once about racism) and I was mocked/ignored. I would love it if you would PM me with your fav accounts. There are a lot of great ones out there!

I once reached out to a very popular frum instagrammer who did a video suggesting people use Yukon Gold potatoes for their kugel because it's half the calories of regular potatoes. Now, I love Yukons and use them for everything, but there's no significant difference in calories whatsoever. I was very polite because I assumed her suggestion was based in ignorance, but she was brusque and abrupt and just insisted she was right and said she had done "research" without sharing where or what that might be...

(anon because too many people know this in real life)

urban gypsy

Wed, May 29 2019, 12:32 pm

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

I was very polite because I assumed her suggestion was based in ignorance, but she was brusque and abrupt and just insisted she was right and said she had done "research" without sharing where or what that might be...

LOL! The ignorance, it burns.....

amother

Cerulean

Wed, May 29 2019, 12:36 pm

urban gypsy wrote:

LOL! The ignorance, it burns.....

I know! I was sure she would want to know so that she could correct herself and NOT look like an idiot in front of 50k+ people. Alas, I expected too much...

greenfire

Wed, May 29 2019, 12:39 pm

perhaps it's other people who push standards of tznius that are unrealistic on the rest of the world ... so long as cleavage isn't showing or anybody's butt crack why judge someone because they have a collar bone that god created us with ~ I mean is it really that zexy ?!

Flip Flops

Wed, May 29 2019, 1:40 pm

Somehow none of my role models have Instagram accounts...
Please don't take this the wrong way - I am not putting down those who do; but if you are constantly disappointed by these "role models" then perhaps you are looking in the wrong place.

amother

Papaya

Wed, May 29 2019, 2:43 pm

Because I don’t think that in my age and with my body after the pregnancies I am very attractive to men . So I don’t afraid anymore that somebody sins just looking at me Smile

amother

Tan

Wed, May 29 2019, 2:54 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm just so disappointed. I don't want to go into specifics, but I was just on Instagram and saw that, once again, someone I thought was a great role model for my girls because she's doing out of the box things in a really positive way, I see is now becoming less strict about tznius. Why does this always seem to happen? When I started following her, before she was well known, she covered her hair completely, and covered her knees and collarbone completely. Now she's not. Why is it so hard to find people who stay consistent and are able to maintain the same standards of tznius AND do things out in the world that are a bit out of the box? I feel like whenever I tell my girls that you can be totally 100% to our community's tznius standards and still do a lot of cool things, reality steps in and says that anyone who does anything out of the box ends up dropping some tznius levels.

So that teaches us 2 things: one, flaunting yourself on the internet will lead to more and more sins (aveiroh goreres aveiroh and two, some people care more about getting attention than they do about halacha.

amother

Tan

Wed, May 29 2019, 2:55 pm

amother [ Orange ] wrote:

Maybe you should stop telling your girls that they can do cool things while maintaining your standards 100%. Maybe it’s just not possible.

Depends on what your definition of cool is. If it’s “cool” to do sins, then it’s troublesome

amother

Tan

Wed, May 29 2019, 2:57 pm

urban gypsy wrote:

These threads are always phrased as a question, when they are really a vent.
If you truly care why and want to hear the reason, why don't you message her and ask?
This girl on IG doesn't live to please you and owes you nothing.
You would do well to find some IRL role models who reflect your values.
Alison Josephs has a vlog series about frum people who do cool things, but I don't know if you would consider them "up to your standards"
If you really can't find anyone who "does cool things" and personifies your values, then why don't YOU try it? Be the change you wish to see in the world.

Yes, OP, get ready for the bashing from all the defenders of lax tznius defenders who will tell you to MYOB so they don’t have to defend their portions of breaking halacha themselves.

urban gypsy

Wed, May 29 2019, 2:59 pm

amother [ Tan ] wrote:

Yes, OP, get ready for the bashing from all the defenders of lax tznius defenders who will tell you to MYOB so they don’t have to defend their portions of breaking halacha themselves.

MYOB is generally an excellent rule for things you have no control over.
It's called setting boundaries and sane behaviour.