Heavy Metal Music | Imamother

Rappel

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 3:40 am

We all have our favourites - Daughtry, OneRepublic, Mumford & Sons etc.. Smile

(I've ditched Evanescence at this point for emotional, not spiritual, reasons.)

My halachic kav doesn't ban non-religious music, and I'm glad. It's a part of me, my past and a part of my life experiences. IMHO, while it's okay to detach temporarily from parts of yourself in order to explore others, it's very unhealthy to completely reject a piece of yourself.

At this point, I mostly prefer listening to religious music, and that is what I share with my children. However, in private, of an evening, I like to put on my favourites for myself. I like to relive those emotions and memories. It's part of me, and that's something that will never change.

Tzedek Tirdof

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 3:42 am

Israeli_C wrote:

The high school thread got me thinking about how much I miss the music I used to listen to and how much it was such a big pat of 'me'.

System of a Down, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Nirvana... do I need to say goodbye to them now that I'm frum?

I don’t understand why you need to stop listening to the things that give you pleasure. Come as you are.

Before I became frum, I had a magnificent collection of secular books on dating, s-x and relationships. Many of them were given to me every year on my birthday to add to my collection by College friends as a running joke. When I first became frum, I donated the books as I considered them incompatible with a frum lifestyle. I now wouldn’t have donated them as I think it important to be authentic to the person you are. As Rappel says above “it's very unhealthy to completely reject a piece of yourself” which I agree with totally. Plus some of my old books are always recommended on this site anyway. LOL

OP, you can still be a headbanger while frum. I mean I wouldn’t recommend blasting out NIN in a frum area with your windows up, but why can’t you listen with headphones or in your car with the windows down?

Last edited by Tzedek Tirdof on Wed, Jun 05 2019, 3:55 am; edited 1 time in total

Rappel

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 3:54 am

I'm going to put this in a separate post, because it's a completely separate point - emotional, not spiritual:

Hi, my name is Rappel, and I'm addicted to Evanescence.

I used to listen to Amy Lee's raw prayer songs morning, noon and night. I thought, at first, that it was giving expression to my pain, an outlet. It took me years, and my MP3 falling onto the subway tracks, to realize that her music was producing a whole separate depth of depression in me.

I do think that there are some halls of our minds that need be walked only once. I know that I can't listen to her music again, because it's my siren's call - it pulls me down, yet I crave more. For me, it is NOT healthy to tap into those emotions again.

If any music speaks to you in that fashion, then I suggest leaving it until the only hold it has over you is nostalgia.

Israeli_C

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 3:54 am

Rappel wrote:

I like to relive those emotions and memories.

Exactly this! This music is strongly tied to a lot of memories which I'm not ready to let go of.

I don't see DH agreeing, but I'm considering buying something to play music on with earphones.

Just hope nobody overhears on the bus through Bnei Brak lol

Tzedek Tirdof

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 3:54 am

Rappel wrote:

We all have our favourites - Daughtry, OneRepublic, Mumford & Sons etc.. Smile

I actually used to only play Jewish music with my DCs. However, one of my DCs is very musical and we are closer now I have shared some of my secular music tastes with him. I find drives with him much more calm now I can relax and have the radio on. When he was younger I always had to quickly play Uncle Moishy to keep my terrible influence of secular music away from him! I am much more calm about it now. It’s nice to have one topic that we bond over in the midst of the normal teen disputes about room tidying and school work. 🙂

That said, I do appreciate that not everyone holds that secular music is ok. This must be really hard to give up if you grew up with it.

BadTichelDay

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 5:37 am

I never even asked if I can continue to listen to secular music - I just kept and keep doing it. Dh, who is ffb MO/ DL also has his own taste in secular music which is totally different from mine (much too sweet), and never had any issue with the idea. We usually use earphones or play our respective favorites when alone in the car or house, to avoid acoustically torturing each other. What's a bit uncanny, my kids who are gan and primary school age have "discovered" heavy metal on youtube and they like it and ask for specific songs! I didn't teach them that. Wonder if it's somehow genetic. If so, I'm glad they at least take after me and not dh.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 6:02 am

Israeli_C wrote:

Israeli_C you and your husband can be on different derechs. And he also should not tell you what you are or are not allowed to be doing. I know some may not agree with that, but even if you are both on a path to becoming frummer, you should both do things at your own pace.

Personally I grew up frum and have always listened to non jewish music (I dont personally like heavy metal, but other non jewish music I do like).

Also, why not just get head phones and listen from your phone or something like that?

Israeli_C

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 6:04 am

WhatFor wrote:

OP, a lot of posters (myself included) would tell you you don't have to, but from your other posts, you seem to be on a unique derech. How do you hold?

As an aside, I never would have thought the RHCP are considered heavy metal!

Not sure how we hold since I never shared my thoughts with dh. I'm assuming it's taboo though.

True, they're not, just listing them among others I like who are. But they aren't Shwekey, that's for sure lol.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 6:10 am

Styx, Journey, REO Speedwagon. Grateful Dead, Phish, Pete Seeger and Arlo Guthrie. I like a lot of 80's Europop dance music too, like ABC, The Communards, and Swing out Sister.

Pretty clean compared to today's standards. I like songs that make me want to dance while I'm cleaning house.

Israeli_C

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 6:19 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

It's a recurrent problem we have that dh feels we need to be on the same page (or at least striving to be) on all issues because of chinuch. Even with headphones I'm sure he'll say that it affects kedushat habayit somehow

nicole81

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 6:40 am

Israeli_C wrote:

He can say that, and...? You can agree to disagree.

Israeli_C

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 6:53 am

nicole81 wrote:

He can say that, and...? You can agree to disagree.

True, there are certain things I've said we'll have to agree to disagree on, but basically I end up feeling so uncomfortable doing them around him because it creates a hostile atmosphere that I either stop doing it or do it secretly

33055

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 6:58 am

Israeli_C wrote:

You need to figure out why you let him control you to such an unhealthy level. I haven't read all your threads, but the ones I have make me sad that you let yourself be treated as his child.

You are his wife and deserve the respect of a partner where you negotiate things together rather than be given orders. Iy"h you will gain clarify that this isn't good for you.

If I sensed you were happy being treated this way, I wouldn't say anything.

I also love my secular music. Jewish music doesn't speak to me the same way. It would be like limiting myself to only Jewish literature. Sure, there's some I like, but not exclusively.

In my own marriage, DH likes Jewish music over secular, but not exclusively. We play what we both like at different times. Sometimes we listen to Jewish and sometimes secular if we are together like any friendship. It's a give and take.

You need to be prepared for "helpful" people who will tell you that you are destroying your neshuma with g○yish music even if it is in your own house and aren't blasting it. I like music while I cook and exercise. I tell them to call first.

Sometimes the music is on in my car when I enter with a friend. The radio blasts when I turn on the car. I haven't lost a friend yet for listening to my music, and I have many rebbish friends.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 6:59 am

Israeli_C wrote:

Well, then thats a whoooooole nother issue that I think you have to deal with. If you keep on either giving in or doing things in secret, that is not the definition of a couple or a partner in life. Have a discussion about this. A husband is not the final word on everything having to do with religion in the household.
Please, it is so important to talk about this. Otherwise, over time, you are going to resent him for this, and other things, if you are not ready or wanting to do them yet or at all.

Tzedek Tirdof

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 7:03 am

WhatFor wrote:

I personally don’t categorize any of OP’s original artists as Heavy Metal, more Indie Rock, but it doesn’t really matter as we all understood the point she was making. 🙂 🎶