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When the boys have cheder and the girls are off..
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zebra111




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 10 2019, 8:06 am
How do you handle this situation?
I have one boy and a few girls. He gets sad when he's the only one going to cheder in the morning. I feel guilty going out with the girls and not him.
For now he has no brothers so he feels its very unfair.

We stress to him how much he is gaining by learning torah, but he is still only little and mainly sees what hes missing not what he is gaining. I understand him!!!

So what do u do? Do u do activites at home in the morning and go out to places only in the afternoon, or do u do things with the girls and dh takes boys out alone (although as dh works full time and learns after that this isnt really an option here)? Any suggestions will be most welcome!! Im just waiting for after tisha b'av so he will be off too
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abound




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 10 2019, 8:59 am
I actually dont feel bad for them, that is the only way to make it work. If you feel bad (even if you do not show it) the kid feels it and feels bad. I also usually give them a special snack, or give them money to buy slush on the way home etc.
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zebra111




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 10 2019, 10:43 am
I get u..
Would u take the girls on a trip eg to the zoo whilst the boys were learning or do u purposely stay home so they dont 'miss out'?
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yerushamama




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 10 2019, 11:35 am
Most days (other than chofesh hagadol)that only the boys learn are right before or after a yom tov, and my girls complain about all the work that needs to be done (not that they are the ones doing it Rolling Eyes ) and how unfair it is that their brothers are exempt from helping!
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amother




Brown


Post  Mon, Jun 10 2019, 12:20 pm
OP, if you count the days when the girls are off and when the boys are off,it is such a large gap? In the yeshivot they have off from rosh chodesh Nissan until rosh chodesh Iyar I think. Why feeling guilty? It's a zechus to be in cheder. Personally I think all isru-chag days should be regular schooldays for the girls too.
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zebra111




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 10 2019, 1:09 pm
I agree its a zchus.. my son isnt quite at the age to understand that yet I think! Its a lot of days this time of yr-they dont get a longer chofesh at pesach, all the yom haatzmaut etc obviously they are in, erev chag, isru chag, up until tisha be'av..
Today was small scale, the girls finish in what, less than 3 weeks and he still has over a month after that!
Either way, still looking for answers if u do fun activites with ur girls in the mornings or u wait til afternoon when boys are home to go out
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sped




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 10 2019, 1:20 pm
I am really careful not to do anything exciting when my son is in cheder; I save it all for when he comes home or when he is off too. Any special treat or thing I buy or make, I make sure to have for him too. This means even if I make something he likes for breakfast, I make sure to save some for him. I have heard this from other mother with larger, older families that they are very careful with this. One told me that sometimes she'll make something like cookies with the others, "specially for DS who is in cheder learning Torah for all of us". (Of course, everyone eats it, but it gives her DS the feeling that they are appreciated.)
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Pollyanna




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 10 2019, 8:43 pm
what is working for us as of now is pointing out to him how lucky he is to spend most of his day surrounded by his friends. My girls are very often bored, since they come home too early. But if you see it's hard for him, why don't keep him home once in a while?

We try to pull DC out of class and take him out for an ices or early dismissal every few weeks. His face lights up when we come.
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zebra111




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 10 2019, 9:03 pm
Love that idea about doing things 'lichvodo' sped!!
Instinctively I also feel I shouldnt be doing things without him. Mentioned it to dh and he thought that its not good to 'deprive' the girls as in "if hes suffering u must suffer too". So this suggestion works out great for everyone I think.
Its a fine line I guess between encouraging pride in his torah and making him feel left out
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 10 2019, 10:29 pm
depends how old he is.

let's say in America the boys have school on Sunday summer as well not only in winter.
Most boys are out on Sunday anyway so not too much learning happening, because people go away for weekends etc, or go out Sunday to visit camp....

If he is still young or not learning too much Sunday in summer you can take him along to a fun place, or you can wait till he comes home to go. They come home earlier on Sunday.
If you do some baking or crafts with the girls at home, you can save for him or wait till he gets home.

If he is older, he gets his good times.
Lag baomer fire, a rebbes tish, mekomos hakdoshim, a rebbe's offspring wedding, on Nittel night he can go somewhere. Boys have avos ubanim, tehillim programs in shul. A siyum, Purim play or Purim seuda by his teacher. They can organize street carnivals for tzedaka, they can build clubhouses, they can build the sukkah & make decorations, they can bake matzah, help pick an esrog, go to simchas bais hashaeva, they go t
hochnosos seder torah, to a godel etc...
some girls are very bored when they are off or when the boys are in shul shabbos
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soap suds




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 1:19 am
I'd never take my girls on a special trip (I.e. zoo) while the boys are in cheder. At most, we'd go out shopping. They boys already feel like they're losing out just by having to go to school while the girls get to sleep in and get the day off. I wouldn't want to give them more reason to resent it.

On the flip side, my DD who's in preschool and LOVES school, complains about how unfair it is that she has to stay home, while her brothers get to go to cheder.
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abound




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 3:15 am
I would NEVER take my girls on a special trip while he could not come, I would either keep him home or go on a day he is off. But I would take them to the park/ mall/ visiting a cousin but not something like the zoo.
A side note: as much as you "think" it is a zechus and the right thing to do, you definitely do not "feel "it, hence the word "suffer" I would not use the word "suffer" about my son being in school. Yuu need to change your attitude and internalize it, or your son will definitely suffer!!
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amother




Wine


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 3:27 am
soap suds wrote:
I'd never take my girls on a special trip (I.e. zoo) while the boys are in cheder. At most, we'd go out shopping. They boys already feel like they're losing out just by having to go to school while the girls get to sleep in and get the day off. I wouldn't want to give them more reason to resent it.

On the flip side, my DD who's in preschool and LOVES school, complains about how unfair it is that she has to stay home, while her brothers get to go to cheder.


Yeah, I have the same "flip side" issues as the 2 above. I only have a little girl and little boy. The boy has gan and the girl has chofesh, and she feels bad that only he's going to gan. And she is definitely jealous more often than not when he gets to go to shul to daven or learn with Tatty. He took her to learn, too, the other day because it was bein hasedarim, and she was as excited as it gets!

But I agree, stay close to home- don't spend the day at the zoo. If they are in camp in the summer, the boys and girls will both get big trips. If the girls will be home with you while your son is in cheder for weeks at a time, I would say some big trips just with them is reasonable. But you should also go times he can join. And I agree with someone above, remind him that he has all his friends with him and home can be boring for the girls.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 6:09 pm
I don't handle when the kids have different schedules, it's part of what there is. The boys can do short sleeves. The girls can't. But I will take the girls to more places due to shmiras. etc
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Ema of 4




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 6:15 pm
How about if you have one boy who DOES have school and one who DOESNT? I have this. I don’t do anything during that time that my son in school would be upset to miss. My older one will most likely never have school on Sunday, or at least not go, but my younger one always will. That’s just the way life goes. Sometimes I’ll let the younger one miss just because, but not very often.
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asweet




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 6:16 pm
I also have one boy sandwiched​ between 4 girls, If I want to do really fun stuff, I would keep him home or better yet pick him up early as anyway we would only go later afternoon. Local shopping or local park s which aren't so exciting I would do without him. I always make sure to include him with baking or other fun activities otherwise he'd be so resentful. Now that he's 11 it's easier as most things don't excite him too much.
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amother




Red


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 6:16 pm
What a great opportunity for everyone!!!
The boys get to learn Torah and the girls get to stay home and learn to cook and clean!!!
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Ema of 4




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 6:30 pm
amother [ Red ] wrote:
What a great opportunity for everyone!!!
The boys get to learn Torah and the girls get to stay home and learn to cook and clean!!!

Girls don’t need to learn torah, and boys don’t need to cook and clean?
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 6:47 pm
you can sometimes do boys only outings with his friends. ropes course, go carts, boating, biking, shooting range, paint ball, laser tag, men Jewish performances & concerts, Atv, skiing, woodworking, Lego store, any boy activities.
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Leahh




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 7:06 pm
When I can I wait for my bpys to come home and then go out with everyone. This works on Sundays when they get home earlier. During the week when girls are off (ie. Midwinter break) I do take girls out when boys are not home but try to be home before them. Eventhough boys know girls were out it's still better that the girls were back by the time boys got home.
But I do give boys some responsibilities that girls don't get and make it a point of showing it. For example one son goes to the bakery every Friday after yeshiva to buy what we need for shabbos. Girls get plenty jealous because he gets to choose the treats. I also try to take boys with me if I am running errands on a Friday afternoon or doing something at a time they are home. I make it a point to tell jealous girls that they get to go out on Sundays and boys don't. So they each understand that they get something different.
Also, on Sunday, when we do go out after the boys get home, I stress that we waited for them. Not in bad way but that they should know we don't always do things without them.
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