S/O Summer Vacation Rant

amother

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 4:09 pm

Reading the summer vacation rant and most of the responses was kind of shocking to me. Is that what life is all about? Working to pay bills? Is that it? Have we lost all sense of priorities? And don't tell me that every single person who agreed with the op is struggling to make ends meet. I see enough posts on here inquiring "what's in" for everything from shoes, clothing, backpacks etc...what's "expected" to buy for new chassan/kalla, how much should be budgeted for weddings and simchas, whether you can afford it or not. It would be frowned upon if you threw a small Bar mitzvah or if your kid is not wearing the latest pom-pom hat, but complaining about how many days one "has" to spend with their kids is ok...what is going on?

Parenting is a verb, not just a title that is owed to you for having brought a child into the world and going straight back to work so that you can buy him the trendiest clothes.

notshanarishona

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 4:17 pm

I think if money wasn't an issue, there would be less complaints . The rich can hire help. The bigger issue is for the working middle class/ lower class people who need to work full time all year and barely pay the bills and can't afford to take off more unpaid days of work. I don't think anyone would agree that it's an ideal life, but people need to be able to keep their jobs and out food on the table.
In addition , many kids do better with structured time and it's not good for kids to have weeks off at a time even if parents are home and available.

amother

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 4:23 pm

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

Thank you for being so judgmental.

I'm not on any "what's in" threads. I made the smallest and cheapest simchos possible.

Is it really so hard to understand that some mothers have to work for basics, and yes, one of those basics is tuition?

In that case, my post was not meant for you. And no, I'm not trying to be judgmental...I'm just trying to open people's eyes (mine included) that instead of saying I "have" to have my kids home for 11 days, it should be I "get" to have some extra time with my kids. Bills will always be there....we only have our kids for 16-18 summers before they're out and living their own lives. Ask anyone if they would prefer a simpler childhood with available parents or unavailable/stressed out parents but more "stuff".

amother

Green

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 4:24 pm

Who's talking about luxuries? One of the reasons we work is for health insurance. I am not willing to skimp on this. Having a year-round job makes it challenging to meet my family's other needs, but it's important so we figure it out. It's hard, though, and it's ok for parents to vent every so often.

amother

Bisque

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 4:41 pm

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

It's not the school's responsibility to take care of your kids. They just happen to take it over for the days that they are open. You can't demand that they increase that.

The schools don't just happen to do anything. We pay an arm and a leg in order for them to do so.

And you get paid for teaching too.

amother

Oak

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 4:55 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Maybe things are different in other communities, but in my community most of the women work to pay tuition. I'm not the only one.

There were years that I was home, and yes, lived more simply. Then, I didnt mind these in between days at all, and enjoyed the more relaxed schedule and the opportunity to take my kids places that we didn't have time for during the year. We went to outdoor parks, we bought seeds and earth and planted tomatoes and flowers, we bought a blow up pool and just lounged around.

But my kids are older now, have more complex (and expensive) needs, and someone has to figure out how to pay for all that. I can buy cheap clothing, I can live in a smaller apartment, I can save money on home made food. But as my kids get older the expenses get more expensive, and less negotiable. High school is more than elementary, seminary is more than high school, weddings and bar mitzvahs are not free either.

I do get what you're saying, and there's certainly a point to that, but I'm not sure it should be on the summer vacation thread. I'm sure there's a significant majority that work for basics and this kind of "mussar" can be very painful for us.

amother

Amethyst

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 4:57 pm

unfortunately we live in a society where the demands on women is tremendous. Add that to the fact that it’s dangerous times to not provide kids with something to fill their time and the fact the most kids don’t do well with an unstructured day and your left with very frustrated parents.

Besides, you can say all you want that it’s not he schools responsibility- but their is a reason we spend a fortune on Jewish schools- and the reason is not to be taken advantage of and given off for Chanukah vacation, midwinter vacation, anytime they only think their will be snow, 2 weeks before pesach, every erev and post yom tov. 2 days for teachers to mark finals, before and after productions etc. they find every reason to give days off during the year and if you count the days when they did have school ,as someone mentioned on the other thread, they will fall mighty short of the 180 days

amother

Babyblue

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 5:10 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How about if you ask my kids if they want to be home for 11 days with a mother who is stressed because she can't pay the bills that are always there? Would they like food to eat or their mother at home for those 11 days? Would they like electricity and running water, or would they rather have their mother home all those days they have no school? Would they prefer to be home for 11 days without their mother, or would they prefer to be home all year because she can't keep a job because she has to take off all the time to take care of her children and so she can't pay tuition?

Then you can ask me what I would rather, of course I would rather be home with my kids, but I MUST pay the bills. And I MUST pay tuition. And I MUST pay for food and clothing and health insurance and summer camp and, and, and..............

Raisin

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 5:21 pm

I didn't see any posts from sahms complaining about the long summer vacations. They all seemed to be from working mothers who are really struggling to fill the gaps.

I have a flexible job that allows me to home with my kids most of the summer so I am not complaining about the 8 weeks. (8, not 10! Yes, those 2 weeks do make a difference! Although I really wouldn't mind if it was 2 weeks longer.)

Tzutzie

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 5:30 pm

When my older ones where smaller u dreaded the days off..... it was nightmarish. The fighting, bickering, nagging and chaos.... it was next to impossible to get ANYWHERE or ANYTHING done.

I kvetched big time. But then I turned around and did what I had to do.
I can't imagine the headache if I was working....

Now the last two years, they are already little poeple. Not 2 toddlers. And I am actually looking forward to it.
Last year we were two full days in the pool.... rainy days they danced in the rain for hours.... we played games and visited friends/family.

I'm looking forward to that again iyh.

amother

Orange

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 5:42 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Guess what? It's my KIDS who encouraged me to take on more hours to pay for a big ticket item that we all want but I would very well be able to do without. And they are the ones who want to fit in and not be super stylish, but just fit in, and they know that it comes with me having a full time job and whatever the fallouts may be for them. Life itself is expensive even on a simple level and kids should know to appreciate that and that it comes with fallouts.
I grew up with never enough money. Always wished my SAHM would get herself a job so that things would be different. And that's what I do for my family, and we all like it that way, and we manage to get through the difficult times.

amother

Blonde

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 5:43 pm

I actually do agree that I’m always confused when I see posts of mothers asking about what’s in to buy for their dds (and these posts are almost always directed towards girls), but will complain on another thread about how materialistic the frum world is becoming. It’s like ummm hello 😐🤔🤨

I can’t comment about the summer camp part because my kids have never gone.

amother

Babyblue

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 5:47 pm

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

Is it the same exact posters who are posting the contradicting posts?

My kids go to summer camp because I work to pay the bills. I don't have a choice about sending them. We had a few years where I was able to work very part time and then I did keep my kids home and do Mommy camp with them. But right now it's not an option.

amother

Goldenrod

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 6:47 pm

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

It's not the school's responsibility to take care of your kids. They just happen to take it over for the days that they are open. You can't demand that they increase that.

So let's see. Our schools & yeshivas teach our kids that the men should be in Kollel for as long as possible, deny those very young men any parnassoh skills, the wives should work full time while having as many kids as possible, eventually marry off their children & support them in kollel too, etc - and those very institutions in their very own communities should turn a blind eye and have zero responsibilities to the resulting hardships they support and encourage.

So let's pretend that these many poor young women who don't come from wealthy homes, and who are struggling to live up to the ideals that they've been taught, have themselves only to blame for not being able to manage their lives. Let's pretend that they're weak and are flawed and are in the wrong to expect that the communal institutions should at least attempt to work with them so they can hold their heads above water. Let's pretend that their numbers are very few and it's the wealthy & lucky few who are actually in the majority. Let's pretend so very righteously how its the poor teachers, rebbeim and principals that are the only truly overworked ones, and its encumbered on all of us to stretch ourselves beyond our human limits to cater to them. And let's pretend that the schools and yeshiva have no responsibilities & obligations to the parents & society, and its only the parents & children who owe the schools their entire lives.

tichellady

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 7:21 pm

I don’t understand the op at all. It’s not like most jobs allow for unlimited vacation. It’s not a choice for most people between taking the time off and buying luxuries. Most people can’t take the time off without having to make up extra hours, not have any other vacation days, etc.

amother

Coffee

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 8:04 pm

OP are u a SAHM of a rich DH? My husband works and so do I. Should I quit my 50k salaried job? just wondering if you're going to pay me to stay home with my kids, or maybe you they should starve? Do u think that people work for fun? Rather people go to work so that they can pay their children's tuition. And yes we do have a very hard time between the school and daycamp breaks. Please don't disparage us!!! May you never have to be in our shoes and actually go to work CVS!! Rolling Eyes