How do I find a mentor in my Judaism

MountainRose

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 3:53 am

I live in Manchester, UK. I've never heard of the people you are recommending. I had kinda figured that every Jewish community would have people who could help with this - I wasn't expecting specific names (though I'm happy that so many people have had positive experiences with specific people).

My questions are not simple or straightforward. Which is why I'd like to do it live. But here's a starting point:

I'm not always sure Hashem exists. A lot of the time, especially when I'm davening, I think humanity must have made Him up in order to feel better about the random futility of reality. I've studied contemporary Near East religions - and the bulk of davening is disturbingly similar to how other nations would pray to their idols (or kings) during the time of the Beis Hamikdash. For instance, the Harachaman section of benching closely mirrors some preserved prayers to Enlil in Mesopotamia.

That's one question.

But trying to put that to one side, assuming He does exist, and choosing tefillos that I'm more comfortable with: when I try to daven, I am struck by how worthless the endeavor is. How could my tefillos matter when there are gedolim in this world with the direct line to Hashem - or those women at the kotel who say tehillim with tears in their eyes for hours every day? Why would Hashem listen to me struggling through Shema when he has their tefillos? I know that He's supposed to have an infinite attention span, and can pay attention to everything in the world all the time. But I am human. And for humans to know that they "matter", they need to be prioritized -which will never happen at my madreigah - or even acknowledged - which is not something Hashem does. Which brings me back to the question of "Does he exist?"

And that is the thought process I get stuck in every single time I open my mouth to daven - from Modeh Ani to Mezonos to Benching to Shema al haMittah. I don't even try ambitious stuff like Shemonah Esrei because even with Benching, (unless my kids are around to be a example to) I usually get so disheartened that I don't finish.

I've tried reading books on the subject, but I am always hung up on seeming logical fallacies, and without the author there to question, I give up. So I am looking for a real live human being.

amother

Bronze

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 5:57 am

The questions you pose are not suitable for a simple one-size-fits-all answer. I hope you can find a mentor who can give you the profound answers you seek.
I haven't studied religions, whether contemporary or ancient, but the fact that there are some parallels between prayers, texts and rituals of various Middle Eastern religions and some parts of Judaism doesn't disturb me. First of all, do we really know who took it from whom? Maybe these religions were influenced by Judaism, similar to Islam and X-tianity containing elements borrowed from Judaism. Only in this case the influence would have been much earlier.
Or, even if it is the other way round and, oh shock, ancient Judaism got influenced by surrounding cultures - so what. Jews are humans and as such absorb ideas from their environment. Do you think present day orthodox Judaism does not mirror a lot of Western culture, norms and ideas?
What about Eastern European influences in dress, folk beliefs, cuisine and dress code? The list could be continued. Does it make Judaism somehow invalid or doubtful? No. Judaism is part of this world and part of human history. It is Hashem's special project for sure (being a bit flippant here), but it never existed in a vacuum.
Regarding tefillot, why should Hashem who created the whole universe and knows every atom in it have limited capacity to hear your tefillot? It is a thought that never ocurred to me. My own prayers are miserable enough - between work and children I just mumble through birkot hashachar and shma and that's it most of the time, when I'm in trouble, or others need tefillot, I add a few desperate lines at most. I'm aware that this is bad quality prayer and bad style. Often I'm ashamed about it. Hashem has done me so much good, I really should give Him more respect and honour. But even so, I have never had the feeling that He doesn t hear me. I'm deeply certain He does. Even if sometimes the answer that I see in my life and feel in my heart is "no" or just silence. Sometimes it is also "yes", yay! So all the Tzaddikim and frum women at the kotel daven much better than I - but still. It is a mitzva to daven and worth it. Hashem created both nightingales and crows. I'm a crow so to say, but I feel that He hears me anyway and doesn't reject me. And it is not a competition.
Wishing you all the answers you need.

amother

Chocolate

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 6:46 am

I don't have an answer to the first part. I know He exists, but it might be (at least in part) because that is what I was taught.
As for the second, I learned that a large part of the reason for tfila is to create and foster our personal connection with Hashem. I don't always feel it, especially when I am too busy to really daven properly, but when I have the time and headspace to "do it properly", I definitely feel more connected.

simba

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 6:52 am

OP.

I’m by far a much more simple mind then you are but I’ll give you my responses for what they are worth.

1. Believing that Hashem exists is just that. A belief. There is no concrete way for anyone here to prove His existence to you. There are some good concepts that come close to proof but because I can’t show you a physical item the burdens of proof is on me!

2. You are right and wrong. Hashem is whole and complete and doesn’t need your Tefillos. But, He also doesn’t need the ones of the tzaddikim and the ladies by the Kotel.
Hashem is entirely complete. Your Tefillos are something you are doing for yourself to connect with Him.

Your question about attention span is not really existent if your belief in Hashem and his powers.

amother

Aqua

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 6:54 am

In response to the 2 posters above me: believing that hashem is real and that he listens to us os a core part of our faith. We've been taught rhese ideas since we were small children. At the end of the day though, for most of us it comes down to emunah and faith. We say "we just know it it", or "we feel it". Obviously this is not scientific proof. There are literally hundreds of millions of people around the world from other religions that say the exact same thing. I think it's easier to believe that it's true and so we just close our eyes and go with it even though we don't really have definitive proof.

TranquilityAndPeace

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 7:06 am

amother [ Black ] wrote:

I once reached out to him with a question that was bothering me and he never replied

I listen to him all the time, and he's said he gets 300 urgent emails a day, and lots more that aren't urgent. You can email him again, but he probably doesn't have a ton of time to spare.

My husband is a Rabbi for Camp Extreme for kids at risk in the summers and used to be a Rebbe all year long, and does this stuff on the side. PM me for his phone number.

amother

Aqua

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 7:26 am

TranquilityAndPeace wrote:

I absolutely love rabbi YY, but his answers are not scientific. It'll come down to we have emunah and just believe. Since many here have heard rabbi YY, can anyone try to answer the op's questions?

amother

Rose

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 7:30 am

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

I absolutely love rabbi YY, but his answers are not scientific. It'll come down to we have emunah and just believe. Since many here have heard rabbi YY, can anyone try to answer the op's questions?

It’s not really just belief. He does explain it in ways that make sense. Not always scientific, but really logical (in ways that not believing in God would be illogical).
Have you watched/listened to his emunah series?

amother

Rose

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 7:32 am

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

The one video with scientific proof I watched was not even from a Jewish person. Was really fascinating. I’ll see if I can find it.

IrenaFr

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 8:38 am

MountainRose wrote:

My questions are not simple or straightforward. Which is why I'd like to do it live. But here's a starting point:

I'm not always sure Hashem exists. A lot of the time, especially when I'm davening, I think humanity must have made Him up in order to feel better about the random futility of reality. I've studied contemporary Near East religions - and the bulk of davening is disturbingly similar to how other nations would pray to their idols (or kings) during the time of the Beis Hamikdash. For instance, the Harachaman section of benching closely mirrors some preserved prayers to Enlil in Mesopotamia.

Th

Hashem for sure exist. Our universe exist , so Hashem . Everything has its creator. Modern physics says that all the energy (in atoms) coming from one source and this source has intelligence.
The other question- if all the theology of Judaism is true. That we could not be for sure of course. BUT for me the main prove that Jews are doing at least some of the things right - they continue to exist despite all of what happened to them . The immortal people despite immortal unexplainable antisemitism . I don’t need another prove that Torah is right at least about what saves Jews as a people .
But I do agree that some practices of Judaism are very not monotheistic. And we will never know if prayers work , but Torah also does not promise that . And the prayers mostly for us to begin with .
I am very practical and very logical person, I don’t believe but I see the prove of Torah and it’s laws in the history of Jews because there is no other logical explanation .

TranquilityAndPeace

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 9:01 am

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

I've watched alot of it, but there are literally 25 emunah shiurim, some almost 3 hours. Can you briefly tell us what point from the shiurim resonated with you?

If you download the TorahAnytime app, and put those shiurim in your library there, you can listen offline without using data, and it usually (not always, annoyingly enough!) will remember where you're up to. This way I can listen for just a few minutes at a time while driving, cleaning, etc.

And 95% of what he says resonates with me. I joke that I'm already Chabad because I follow him so much. Now I have to get back to work and finish listening to yesterday's women's class. There's a new one most Tuesdays! ( NOT a paid ad from Rabbi YY LOL!)