Where's all the Chesed in the world???

amother

Mauve

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 10:55 am

I agree with OP. There is much more room for improvement. And help with housing could be thru an escrow. It does not have to be cash in OPs hand. I see the BS of many organizations personally. I as a receiver have seen too much. And also my Rabbi was only very minimally helpfull. He called me back with a phone of someone that has some ideas that take very long to implement but I tried. Maybe if I contact him again he will do better at my 2nd or 3rd attempt

ectomorph

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 11:06 am

The problem is always in the filtering. Sometimes good causes don't get funded, and worthless causes get funded because they're good at publicity.

notshanarishona

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 11:16 am

There is a lot of chessed but unfortunately financial help is a never ending need and almost impossible for an organization to help everyone who needs it. You are more likely to find help as far as volunteers taking out your special needs kids , food, items, etc. Hatzlacha!

amother

Lime

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 11:22 am

"Where is all the chessed in the world!?"
This sounds VERY entitled as do other parts of your posts.
No one is doing any chessed by providing you with a way to keep this outlook on life.

amother

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 11:31 am

Getting volunteers to take out the SN children does not help us get out the 3 children from our bedroom and move.

"Please read my words carefully before posting nasty comments like, it's entitled people like You who.. . Or I will never give you any more donations." It hurts.
I mentioned clearly that we are not takers. and are struggling to make it work on our own for a long time. We don't beg for help either. Our friends see our (financial) situation from outside, and ask us why we're not moving.

We were put into an unfortunate situation by Hashem, which put us behind in income.

Organizations are not being helpful (I used to try to raise funds many years for others struggling financially, it's no picnic).

watergirl

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 11:32 am

OP, with all due respect, could it be that you need to find another community? I am guessing you live in NY or NJ, which are very costly to live in. Moving to a different state will be a huge help in so many ways. Yes, it will mean that you will have to find new drs for your kids. But I feel like that stress would be worth it as other stresses are eliminated. Drs give referrals all the time to their colleagues out of town. The price that people pay for a tiny apartment in some places will pay for a whole rental house in others. Or, rent a much larger apartment and use the balance that you were spending on the rest of your rent for other things.

amother

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 11:34 am

We have engaged that idea many times, it's not an option right now, because we're dependent on special needs schools which are not great all over...

watergirl

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 11:42 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

We have engaged that idea many times, it's not an option right now, because we're dependent on special needs schools which are not great all over...

You do realize that people have children with special needs all over the US (and world) and have found wonderful schools for their kids, right? NY does not by any means have a monopoly on sped.

Zehava

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 11:44 am

What makes you so sure that your friends have the financial means to help you? 500$ is a lot of money. Do you expect them to keep supporting you monthly?

amother

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 11:48 am

FYI: We (DH & I) are by nature happy cheerful easygoing people and content with our lot. We don't expect much. People constantly compliment me on how I keep myself so strong and seem to always be happy, though I'm going through so many atypical challenges.
But our tiny apartment became excruciating and is finally taking a toll on my sanity. Crying

Sebastian

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 11:50 am

What kind of sn are you dealing with? I m guessing you live in nyc and would need 3kish a month for a decent apt. That's 36k yearly. I dont think it s realistic to expect an organization to fund that.

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 11:53 am

Can you isolate a specific one time expense to raise money for? If you can get a deposit raised for an apartment, could you afford rent? Could you do a Chesed Fund page?

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 11:53 am

OP, I wish I could help.

Are there any services that you are now paying for that could be either subsidized or paid for completely by govt or chessed organizations? Also, maybe there is a frum landlord that would give you a rent discount? I wish that I knew someone who would be able to help you with that - maybe a rav that knows the gvirim in your area?

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 11:55 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Will what you pay in rent now - get you a bigger place elsewhere?

amother

Lilac

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 11:58 am

OP, I understand. The cost of living keeps going up, but wages have been stagnant for years.

I've been wanting to go door to door collecting, but my health won't allow it. I get exhausted just taking the bus to a doctor's appointment.

I don't know where to find someone to collect for me, who will take a percentage. Does anyone in Israel know how to reach these guys?

notshanarishona

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 12:03 pm

watergirl wrote:

You do realize that people have children with special needs all over the US (and world) and have found wonderful schools for their kids, right? NY does not by any means have a monopoly on sped.

It's not easy , I grew up oot and my special needs siblings went to public school and are not frum now.
Yes, a Jewish school is a luxury but it's a sacrifice that a lot of people make . Although oot cities are getting better with trying to integrate special needs children into the mainstream schools , it all depends on the type of needs , etc.

ra_mom

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 12:08 pm

OP, you are trying so hard and not managing. I am so so sorry for what you are going through.
It looks like the way to navigate this is to utilize each and every chesed out there and scrimp and save everything else so you can use all of your money for the monthly rent on a bigger apartment.
Don't spend on food - have Chai Lifeline (who helps families with sick children) send you dinners, take packages from Oneg Shabbos, Yad Efraim, fill in the gaps with Maspia and a food pantry.
Get clothes for the kids at Bobby's Place and through the organization that runs in schools.
Reserve all of your limited funds for rent.
I'm sorry it's so difficult. Raising ongoing funds is a full time job and I know that utilizing these chesed options so you can afford rent will also be a full time job. I wish it weren't so. Sad

Wishing you health, wealth and yeshuos!

amother

Yellow

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 12:32 pm

As someone with a special needs child in Lakewood, school is free and top notch. You can get a 5 bedroom townhouse for about $2k. And there are special programs that have afterschool and Sunday programs which are huge.