Where's all the Chesed in the world???

amother

Amber

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 3:58 pm

watergirl wrote:

The same way everyone else pays for their kid's special services everywhere else in the country. Apply for grants, have the local district "tuition you out" to the private option (if applicable), etc. One of our children needed a special ed school that was 40k a year and we paid around 7k. You do what you have to do.

Again, without knowing her situation (and its not my business), no one knows what kind of education her kids need.

If OP is saying that she cant pay for her daily needs, something has to give. So its a suggestion, and she can take it or leave it.

Many, many people around the country just accept the limited options available where they are. Their kids don't get anywhere close to the number of services or variety of options available in NY. Which is why those who are already in NY, especially those with multiple SN children, are very hesitant to move. And there are a significant number of families moving into NY/NJ every year for this reason. I'm not saying it's impossible to educate SN kids oot. I live oot and I'm familiar with the ins and outs. I'm saying I fully understand op not seeing it as a solution in her case.

amother

White

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 4:10 pm

Unless your child has severe special needs (Downs, etc), I would not suggest moving to Lakewood if you want your child in a Jewish school. The tuition for special or self-contained classrooms is significant. There are tuition-free programs for pre-school, but once you reach grade-school level, there are no subsidized govt programs that I am aware of for moderate special needs. There are some govt funded tutoring that your child can access in school for reading and math, but if your child's needs are beyond that, you are on your own for extra tutoring, speech therapy, OT, etc, and the fees add up very quickly.

PinkFridge

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 4:10 pm

watergirl wrote:

OP, with all due respect, could it be that you need to find another community? I am guessing you live in NY or NJ, which are very costly to live in. Moving to a different state will be a huge help in so many ways. Yes, it will mean that you will have to find new drs for your kids. But I feel like that stress would be worth it as other stresses are eliminated. Drs give referrals all the time to their colleagues out of town. The price that people pay for a tiny apartment in some places will pay for a whole rental house in others. Or, rent a much larger apartment and use the balance that you were spending on the rest of your rent for other things.

It's a catch 22. I don't know what her kids needs are but they might be best met in the tristate area.

watergirl

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 4:12 pm

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

Ok.

In any case, wishing much hatzlacha to OP. May you soon be on the giving side!

amother

Seagreen

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 4:21 pm

I live in a very OOT community in New York State, nowhere near NYC, and the services are wonderful for my special needs child. State laws here are helpful for these things, and it also depends on your county and district. I’m just saying it as an option, but moving in the middle of a crisis isn’t easy. OP, can you apply for SSI for your kids? If you can at least get the kids on Medicaid that should help, no? You don’t say what your biggest uncovered expense is, but maybe is that something a donor or organization could help with if they knew? Maybe is there another way to meet that need? Is it an ongoing need or something you’re paying off like a debt? I’m not trying to pry and of course you don’t need to answer it here, just asking the question for you in case it helps you brainstorm an answer.

teachkids

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 4:30 pm

amother [ Pewter ] wrote:

Lakewood sounds like a great option based on the posters above.

I want to give another option as well -Toronto, Canada, has an absolute amazing frum school for special needs, from mild to extreme. I know families who have moved there from other cities & even countries just for the school.

OP, moving really does seem like your only good option...

Toronto is extremely expensive though. Not a place to move if you're struggling financially.

amother

Ruby

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 4:50 pm

OP,

I can’t offer you any advice, but I do want to say that I have lived for many years in a very small apartment, with my growing family KA”H. It absolutely contributed a lot to my depression, to the depression of the kid who had the worst room, as well as to a whole number of other problems. The children were ashamed to invite their friends over and have any guests. No matter how much we cleaned and organized, the apartment was always messy and cluttered, because there simply was not enough space to put the things away. Everybody was always tense and the children were fighting a lot more with each other simply because they had no space to themselves. And the fighting over the (only) bathroom, when several children needed it at once, especially in the hectic morning rush, was excruciating, stressful and reduced me to tears many many times. And so so many more problems. So I just want to say that I really understand the desperation and stress and distress that living in a tiny apartment causes, especially after a long time...

imorethanamother

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 5:34 pm

Hi, OP -

To everyone else, telling her to move away from services for her children is a bad idea.

To the OP, rent and health insurance are the hardest things to get from other people, because they are not a one-time expense. They are never ending. I know so many people who are a family of 10 and they have two bedrooms.

Do you want to PM me with your children's challenges? Maybe you can get a break a shabbos or two by sending them to the Center?
https://www.thecenternj.org/contactscc

mom!

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 8:30 pm

Hugs OP! It sounss like you have more than just a full plate! I wish I had something practical to suggest, but until I think of something know that I am thinking and davening for you. Wishing you yeshuos in every single area in which you need one!
As an aside, this is not a time and place to be bashing OP. If you have nothing smart to say, you don't have to feel the need so post anything at all. She has enough challenges.

amother

Cerise

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 9:16 pm

For all of you jumping on OP. Stop please. you don't know what it means to have a child with SN. I can't even imagine multiple...
OP has a point saying there are so many orgs. understandably that this would be a huge strain were orgs fund housing. but that doesn't negate the fact that there is a huge need.

We ourselves are in a similar situation. moving out of area we are would mean losing services (less available & less approval in other places where housing is cheaper) it would mean traveling in far as specialists for this disease are nearby.

Funny, bec I wanted to start a thread about this issue. I just might do that soon...

In summary, OP I wish you lots of luck. I wish there would be a solution, but unfortunately short of winning the lottery we are stuck in the same 'boat'.
Please don't take to heart the 'well meaning' advice thrown at you upthread. I've long since learned that people will never understand the trials coming along with a child with SN (just like I wouldn't understand other people's nisyones)
It is silly to say you can easily relocate to outside of NY. I have a sibling on the autistic spectrum and my parents wanted to move but couldn't because of lack of schooling options.

To above posters- understand please that not every hick town has the proper infrastructure to accommodate every kind of SN services. the larger the city and options the more chance of finding proper schooling. Even within NY there are still plenty of SN populations underrepresented and not easily accommodated (yet still more options then oot would offer).

Ok, I think I'll get off this soapbox and go start my s/o.

amother

Lavender

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 11:00 pm

I live OOT and have special needs kids.

Public is cheaper, everywhere. But that assumes that tuition is the only issue. A lot of services are just more available in NY, it's not just yeshiva programs. People move to New York to put their kids in public school. So whether or not it would be worth moving elsewhere depends very much on what the specific needs are.

The thing is OP, it's hard to get cash. Especially for ongoing expenses like rent. If it were just for a security deposit you might have better luck. But it's not that people don't do chessed. I don't want to be too hard on you, but your expectations don't seem realistic, especially with so few details.

amother

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 11:16 pm

I read all of your posts and it was very heartwarming to see that many of you understand my pain or at least try to, and though you cant help us out physically, you gave me such special chizuk.

On the other hand, please understand that it's very annoying and unhelpful to receive comments on how to change our lifestyle.
I mentioned several times here that at this point of our life, we cannot uproot our already shaken up family and move away. Bh the kids are settled in good yeshiva and schools that are helping them, And saying send to public school 'cause it's free' is not a solution either. Asking personal questions when you're not actually planning on helping out with our needs- (financial Aid) is also not appreciated.
Saying that were entitled people is not nice. How many times did I say that we are trying to manage on our own and aren't 'requesting' from anyone. We finally broke and opened up our package to several well to do friends.

Please be careful with your responses. Some of them are very naive and painful to read.

Thanks again to the posters who were sensitive anough to say sweet comments.

Zehava

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 11:38 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Asking personal questions when you're not actually planning on helping out with our needs- (financial Aid) is also not appreciated.
Saying that were entitled people is not nice. How many times did I say that we are trying to manage on our own and aren't 'requesting' from anyone. We finally broke and opened up our package to several well to do friends.

Please be careful with your responses. Some of them are very naive and painful to read.

Thanks again to the posters who were sensitive anough to say sweet comments.

What were your expectations with this post? Are you asking us for money? Did you expect to post about your situation and not be asked personal questions?

amother

Lemon

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 12:03 am

I'm sorry OP, but some of this advice is really helpful. Why did you post of you don't want advice? No one will give you cash. By dismissing every idea mentioned, you do seem a bit entitled in your first and last post. You want people to help you on your terms & without you putting in the work or effort. I'm sorry, beggers can't be choosers.
How do you know how your family will deal with moving?? Maybe it'll turn out to be the best decision? משנה מקום משנה מזל. Sometimes you just have to take risks, even if it's scary. Your current situation is obviously not working anymore and you're literally dismissing every idea mentioned here. Again, no one will give you cash or financial support forever. You need to put in the work on your end.