Lakewood girls schools

amother

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 8:23 am

I had my daughter in a new school this year for kindergarten. Knowing that the school turned out not to be out type, we applied to a different School and got in easily. Later in the year we heard really not good things about the principal and my husband refuses to send there.
Problem is we didn't apply to other schools and at this point it's too late. So my daughter will have to attend primary in a school that doesn't share the same beliefs as us and it's killing me!
Also what are my chances that when I apply to a school next year for first grade, they will accept us if we're already'in a school' so to speak. I can't leave my daughter in the school she's currently in! What do I do?

amother

Blonde

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 8:55 am

Explain how the new and old schools are not your type. Are we talking hashkafically or otherwise...did you do research before sending? It seems like you jumped to send to two schools you know nothing about

Prettygirl30

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 9:15 am

I have a similar situation ... But my daughter is in an older school and I can't get her into a different School because Everytime I call for an application I get we don't take Lakewood transfers... So if I were you I would research quickly and call now before next yr starts

amother

Blush

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 9:19 am

Do you want to share what you think are wrong with the schools? Are you sure there are other schools that are a better match?

Chayalle

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 9:23 am

It's not easy to switch schools these days (and this is not unique to Lakewood.) I'm in my 40's B"AH, and I grew up "stuck" in an elementary school that was not a great fit for my family's Hashkafa/type, because the other school in town did not want to accept transfers. B"H for high schools being separate and good opportunity for a fresh start.

The good news is that B"H your daughter is in a frum school. I remember my grandmother A"H used to tell me how lucky I am to attend a frum school. She used to tell of the public, non-Jewish school she had to attend as a child. One day, an anti-semitic substitute teacher made all the Jewish girls come to the front of the classroom, and he rapped them on the knuckles with a ruler, to humiliate and hurt them. B"H we don't have to go thru that kind of thing today.

I do appreciate the pain of not being in your ideal school, but please don't let it kill you. I would imagine that the primary Morah will be a warm, kind person, and your daughter will be okay and have a positive year if you reflect a positive attitude to her. Don't tell her you aren't pleased, and treat the Hanhallah with respect while you are there (don't burn your bridges. any other school you apply to will be asking them for references about you.)

B"EH during the year, try to research other schools well, and consider as many choices as possible - is the school an okay fit for you, and what are the chances of them accepting you for first grade. Put as many eggs in your basket as possible - don't set your sights on one dream school if the chances of getting in are not likely.

And at the end of the day, remember there's a Hashem in charge that is orchestrating things. He has reasons why you are going thru this experience, that you are not likely to be privy to in this lifetime.

Chayalle

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 9:24 am

Prettygirl30 wrote:

This is true - if you are able, see if there's possibilities right now, before the next year starts.

amother

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 10:26 am

Op here.
The hashkafah and families sending to the school are not the same as we are raising our family and I feel that I am creating a confusing situation for her down the line where we will do or believe that things are ok but school and friends won't. Why should I put her and myself through that.

Secondly, I have another daughter that will need to apply for kindergarten next year so I thought it's an opportunity for me to try applying to schools again.

Thirdly, why is it that when ur in a school does it HAVE to work out?? Is everything certain in life? No. Sometimes u try and it doesn't work and it's ok to find something that works better! It's not about prestige here it's about the emotional, psychological and mental well being of my children!! It's not a crime to have to switch schools but it certainly feels like it is and I need to defend myself before the judges!

School has a major influence and effect on children for the rest of their lives! Of I know something isn't good for her why on Earth would I leave it at status quo??

amother

Cerise

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 10:30 am

I'm guessing that your daughter will be in school with frum girls from frum families. If their choices are two millimeters to the right or left of yours, the world won't collapse.

Chayalle

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 11:02 am

So similar to your situation, I will tell you that I grew up knowing that in our house, we eat hechsherim that are not necessarily Heimish (like OU, etc...), we read secular books that my mother approved (school was very RW), we go swimming with bathing suits (during women's hours with mechitza) with no need for further covering, and other such things. I don't feel like I'm a confused person. I just knew that my parents had different standards, and I was raised knowing that I had to be respectful in school of principal and teachers, and at home follow what we were taught at home.

I'm not saying it was super-comfortable for me - it became more of an issue for me in the upper-elementary grades, and switching to a high school that was a better fit for me was like a breath of fresh air.

Of course, if you are able, you should try to change to a better fit. But there's no need to panic and think this will cause your daughter to have emotional issues. As long as you maintain calm and respect, your daughter will be okay.

Similar to wearing a uniform at school and your own clothes at home, I knew I couldn't take certain things to school, and some things were for at home....and I was okay with it. (I was definitely ahead of the class in English, though...and sometimes even of the teacher....and I'm told that a song I composed for a history project in 4th grade was incorporated into the teacher's curriculum....)

We all have the 'why are things like this' question, and the only answer I can come up with is that Hashem set things up this way. You think it's all human beings? I can tell you, when my 2nd child was up to high school, she really wanted to go to a different and specific high school than her older sister. It was a no go (we could've stuck it out, maybe, but felt that would not have been the right thing to do.) We explained to her that Hashem set this town up this way, and this is from Hashem. In the end, looking back she can't imagine why she wanted to go anywhere else but the school she just graduated from, which she absolutely LOVED and had amazing years in.

Sometimes we get to see some things in hindsight, sometimes we don't. But one thing is for sure - trust that Hashem is in charge and leading you on the path you are meant to be on.

Apologies for the long mussar shmooze. Disregard if I am being too preachy.

amother

Blonde

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 11:04 am

OP can you elaborate a little more on things that you feel are accepted to do but her friends or school don’t? Are we talking about Tznius or technology etc...Is it a situation where the classmates families don’t do X, Y and Z or will you be violating schools rules by your daughter participating in such activities?

amother

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 2:00 pm

Thanks@chayalle for the words of chizzuk.

@blonde: it's more that the families don't do x,y and z, dress or don't dress a certain way but it's more the culture of the way they raise their families is different. Which I can see as a problem as the kids get older and wiser. She'll be the'modern' one or something.

nchr

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 3:09 pm

OP - your choices are (1) Do I send to a school with a different parent body than myself or (2) Do I send to a school with a principal who I have an issue with. If you like the second school, send there - what roll does a principal play anyways (unless your child will misbehave)

amother

Mint

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 3:56 pm

I agree with Chayelle (I usually do). I think you should try to switch next year if you can. My situation is in some ways similar. I live oot (communy kollel) and send to a community school. The values are completely not in line with ours. So we educate. We don't rely on the schools and we convey that we live this way. This is what we do in our house. Other people are not wrong but this is what we do.
Kids can understand more than you give them credit for. They will hopefully pick up your values because you show them that you care about these things. If you can't switch schools, I hope this is useful.