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FranticFrummie


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Mon, Jul 08 2019, 12:10 pm
Does it help if I tell you that they are totally normal? DD just turned 16, and she's finally starting to resemble a functioning human being again.
Remember when your kids were going through the Terrible Twos. It's exactly the same, but this time they can yell louder. They still need the same amount of patience and love, though.
Remind yourself that the emotional part of their brains are growing at a much faster rate than the logical part. This is why they make stupid decisions, and "don't think first." They literally CAN'T. It doesn't mean you're a bad mom, or that they are bad kids. It's nobody's fault that they are acting like teenagers, it's just another type of growth spurt.
They need you just as much, or even more, than ever. The thing is, they don't know it. Just be there for them, and keep venting to people who will get it. This too shall pass!
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mommish613


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Mon, Jul 08 2019, 12:12 pm
I agree with amother olive. Parenting teens can be...hard and unfulfilling. Even downright depressing. The hardest part is to let go a little bit and let them fly their wings.
As an adult I am forever grateful to my mother for her amazing love growing up- somehow the teen years are a little foggy. I think my brain chose to remember my childhood as a whole.
Keep loving, keep complimenting and building them up- but give them the space they need to fly.
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amother


Ecru
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Mon, Jul 08 2019, 12:16 pm
I don't know that anyone can you a definitive answer. I mean life is all about the ambiguity, isn't it? And most of my kids are still young, in elementary school. But my oldest is in high school. And he is turning out to be SUCH a delightful young man. He was in therapy for about a year in elementary school and was an extremely difficult child. He was a colicky baby, a picky eater, sensitive to sensory things, average in school, struggled with friendships, was bullied, was anxious...
But now he is a wonderful young man. He is able to set goals and achieve them. He works hard. He is kind and respectful to others. He is helpful, cheerful, affectionate, notices other's discomfort, and interested in the world around him. He has a great sense of humor and a strong sense of justice. He has matured so much this year in how he is able to progress out of the black/white view and understand how to respect others who show conflicting sides. He can accept the humanity of people being both good and bad without being bitter. He's just a really great kid and I'm so proud of him.
He will never win any prizes in school. I know people in my town look at him, and look at his yeshiva and look down. But I know the truth. I have been blessed. He is "tops" to me.
And for a while there, I never would have believed it could be. Hang in there!
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Aylat


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Mon, Jul 08 2019, 12:19 pm
amother [ Olive ] wrote: | Yes, it is just a matter of time. Young adults need to separate from their parents, and the process can be ugly. But someday, you'll catch those kids using an expression of yours as they speak to their own children, and you'll know how much they value you. Also, believe it or not, someday they will thank you for everything you did. |
This happened to me already. Before Pesach DS11 was doing a job in the kitchen and his 9 yo brother was chilling out nearby.
DS11: "DS9 come here! You are also part of this family and you also have to help get ready for Pesach. Stop reading and come and help me clean this cupboard!!"
OP, I'm only a small stage ahead of you - I have one teen and 2 tweens. I say parenting my teen is like answering multiple choice questions where all the options are wrong. But there are rewarding aspects. At parents' evening my eyes nearly fell out of my head when my daughter's teacher told me that my daughter quotes me in class discussions. What?? At home her most common phrase is "you don't understand!". You mean she actually listens to things I say and they have an impact on her?
Good luck from another mother in the trenches
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amother


Fuchsia
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Mon, Jul 08 2019, 12:30 pm
amother [ Ecru ] wrote: | I don't know that anyone can you a definitive answer. I mean life is all about the ambiguity, isn't it? And most of my kids are still young, in elementary school. But my oldest is in high school. And he is turning out to be SUCH a delightful young man. He was in therapy for about a year in elementary school and was an extremely difficult child. He was a colicky baby, a picky eater, sensitive to sensory things, average in school, struggled with friendships, was bullied, was anxious...
But now he is a wonderful young man. He is able to set goals and achieve them. He works hard. He is kind and respectful to others. He is helpful, cheerful, affectionate, notices other's discomfort, and interested in the world around him. He has a great sense of humor and a strong sense of justice. He has matured so much this year in how he is able to progress out of the black/white view and understand how to respect others who show conflicting sides. He can accept the humanity of people being both good and bad without being bitter. He's just a really great kid and I'm so proud of him.
He will never win any prizes in school. I know people in my town look at him, and look at his yeshiva and look down. But I know the truth. I have been blessed. He is "tops" to me.
And for a while there, I never would have believed it could be. Hang in there! |
This is so heartening, because my 10-year-old sounds a lot like your son (except for the colic and pickiness). How did you get to this point? Was it just maturity and time (and mazel) or therapy, or a combination?
As for your kids echoing you, yesterday my 5-year-old told her (older) brother to "take those things out of your ears" when she was trying to tell him something and he was listening to music We all cracked up because that's a common refrain in our house these days!
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