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Spin Off Miriam Kosman Article

 
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amother




OP


Post  Thu, Aug 01 2019, 9:43 am
I read the article and was quite bothered by it. Mostly because I'm dealing with infertility and I felt it was really insensitive.

It really got me thinking though about these magazines in general. Yes some people are helped by the articles but how many more are terribly hurt by them. Time after time I see people writing on this board how hurt they are by certain articles. Whatever the topic may be. Unless there is actual helpful information for people to make use of, what is their point?

My question is this - As a Jewish magazine espousing Jewish ideals, is it ok to write articles that harm more than they help? Don't we have an achrayus as Jews not to hurt people's feelings?

I would love to hear your thoughts.
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amother




Tangerine


Post  Thu, Aug 01 2019, 9:50 am
Depends the way the article was written, if it acknowledges that there are people on the other side for various reasons.

This article however while "throwing a bone" to childless people (by briefly mentioning Sarah Schnerer) did it in an almost dismissive way, it was like she was trying to hammer home her point and refused to get "sidetracked" by others' (possibly painful) life experiences and imo, if you have to try that hard, it shows you are on the defensive and don't want to acknowledge you don't have the absolute truth. Arguments like that don't impress me.

I actually stopped reading the article in the middle last week because I found it way too harsh and dismissive. I only read it fully because it was posted here.
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amother




Smokey


Post  Thu, Aug 01 2019, 9:58 am
I agree that some articles are hurtful. But so are some comments on Imamother. So are comments from people. We cant throw out the baby with the bathwater. Maybe stop reading if you are upset or vent to other people who get it. There's no other way.
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amother




Tangerine


Post  Thu, Aug 01 2019, 10:01 am
And I did stop reading it, if you read my post.

Also, like I said before, it depends how the article is written. If it acknowledges the other side, or is used as a figurative hammer.
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Chayalle




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 01 2019, 10:14 am
I have SIF, and I'm not likely to have any more children (though miracles can happen.)

I sort of skimmed the article, and I didn't really find it hurtful. I think she's talking about when people have a choice (and choice can be limited by so many things. For example, I'm limited in having more children by IF. I know people who are limited by illness (emotional or physical), family issues (husband who can't handle it for various reasons), other children (including special-needs, etc...)

So I actually agree with her premise that having children brings one closer to Hashem, and if I had the choice, I'd have one right now, even though I'm already in my 40's and it wouldn't be easy at this point.

I have actually felt myself that having children and raising them is a spiritual experience. There are many ways of coming close to Hashem and growing spiritually - I think motherhood is actually the easier ticket, because it puts you in the mode more naturally. And yeah, I wanted it more easily. I have no idea why Hashem doesn't, but I also believe He has His plan.

So it didn't make me feel dumb or worthless to read that. It just highlighted to me once again that Hashem put me on a different path.

I remember when I was a child, my grandmother A"H was very sick with her final illness. But she did not want to eat on Y"K. It was before Y"K and my mother A"H was really afraid. She called my grandmother's Rav, and he said to my grandmother - Imagine that Hashem wrote in his Torah that everyone should fast on Y"K EXCEPT YOU. He said that's what the Heter to eat this Y"K is all about - Hashem gave you these circumstances and from YOU, he wants something different.

I sort of look at my life that way (it's hard sometimes.) One day after 120 I'll know more about it but for sure, Hashem didn't want for me to have a large family. So I have to serve Him with what He gave me. Which with all due respect to Mrs. Kosman, is another explanation of "Kol Haneshama T'hallel Kah" - serving Hashem with everything that YOU have.
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elisheva25




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 01 2019, 10:18 am
Wait .... can someone clarify what article ? Or post link ?
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Chayalle




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 01 2019, 10:22 am
Just search for Miriam Kosman....
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southernbubby




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 01 2019, 10:38 am
Wow Chayelle! So true! Hashem expects more tzedukah from a multi-millionare than a pauper and Hashem gave each one his circumstances.
I think that the point of these articles, which the N'shei Chabad Newsletter has also published, is that we should not be swayed by a secular mindset rather than that people who are not blessed with large families are inferior to those who are.
Obviously we all know people for whom raising one or two requires as much effort for them as raising a dozen does for someone else and these people need heterim.
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amother




Tangerine


Post  Thu, Aug 01 2019, 11:26 am
I understand your point Chayalle but there's still a difference with that and someone who doesn't know if she will ever have any children. Even though she desperately wants. It feels very excluding.
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elisheva25




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 01 2019, 11:35 am
Ok, I am dealing with Sif, and I just the article , and I find nothing wrong with it.
Her point was “ Jewish women are amazing, and just show up to whatever situation HaShem has handed you” . There was nothing about small families versus large .
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southernbubby




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 01 2019, 11:36 am
amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:
I understand your point Chayalle but there's still a difference with that and someone who doesn't know if she will ever have any children. Even though she desperately wants.


People who could be hurt by articles could have someone else read it first or the public could ask the magazine to have some sort of code for a trigger warning. People could presumably be hurt by any article that either admonishes the public or where the story has the type of happy ending that doesn't happen for everyone (person surviving something or kid who comes back on the derech). The code could be on the contents page.
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