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Wants to kill himself bec don't allow movies
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:13 pm
He throws around the wanting to kill himself but do know that it comes from pain. A year ago we stopped movies. Only Jewish. He misses Netflix and star wars etc...He is in a very frum cheder and I only allowed it bec I was having health issues and it babysat him. I don't know what to do. I think certain things trigger it like seeing the tablet and watching Jewish videos....He told me it's like a smoking addiction. (He used child's language)
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Jewishfoodie




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:22 pm
Child? Husband? Mailman?
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amother




Ginger


Post  Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:26 pm
I'm not sure how old your son is but either way I would not engage when he says these things. I may empathize (say something like the change is really annoying for you...). It sounds like he's being manipulative. It's like he knows what to say to push your buttons. Please don't give in.
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amother




Aubergine


Post  Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:32 pm
Does he have an underlying mental health disorder? How old is he? It's unusual to use that kind of language.
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amother




Cyan


Post  Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:36 pm
Yes, those threats are concerning. I completed a youth suicide prevention training (for professional purposes) and the main thrust of the training was to make sure you do NOT ever ignore a threat or statement of wanting to commit suicide. I strongly recommend professional guidance on this.
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amother




Honeydew


Post  Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:37 pm
Is he a special needs child? Does he have any mental health condition? If so, I hope he's getting the help he needs. If he's a special needs or difficult child, think if it's really worth it not to let him watch.
If he's a regular child, I find his language very concerning and you should get him professional help ASAP.
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amother




Purple


Post  Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:44 pm
amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:
Is he a special needs child? Does he have any mental health condition? If so, I hope he's getting the help he needs. If he's a special needs or difficult child, think if it's really worth it not to let him watch.
If he's a regular child, I find his language very concerning and you should get him professional help ASAP.


Giving in isn't the answer - that doesn't treat the root of the problem, just feeds into it. I agree that a professional opinion is needed.
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ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:46 pm
Definitely needs a professional.
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amother




Jetblack


Post  Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:52 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
He throws around the wanting to kill himself but do know that it comes from pain. A year ago we stopped movies. Only Jewish. He misses Netflix and star wars etc...He is in a very frum cheder and I only allowed it bec I was having health issues and it babysat him. I don't know what to do. I think certain things trigger it like seeing the tablet and watching Jewish videos....He told me it's like a smoking addiction. (He used child's language)


I once spoke with a therapist about this. Someone who has been in practice for decades and has trained hundreds of other therapists.

She believes that it actually is an addiction. The child's brain is overwhelmed for whatever reason (can be abuse, pandas, trauma) and watching puts the brain in a state where it does not have to think, it's not bombarded with danger warnings, it's not in fight or flight mode. It's almost like a hypnotic trance which makes the child feel good.

When the child can not watch, he reverts back to his state of pain. It's constant, overwhelming, and impossible to bear.

Based on what she's seen from the all the families she worked with over the years, she believes it is an actual addiction and should be treated as one. For alcoholics, the recommendation is complete abstinence from alcohol. For children addicted to watching, the recommendation should also be complete abstinence from watching.

At the same time, it's imperative to address the source of pain and not leave a child in this state with no support.
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amother




Blonde


Post  Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:52 pm
My son used to say quite a lot. I would tell him he should tell me when he does it so I can call hatzolah in a very calm causal way. He stopped saying it when he saw he's not getting anywhere and I'm not getting scared. But I did talk to a therapist then cause I was scared that maybe he means it seriously but they told me that such a young child says it to manipulate only
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amother




Seafoam


Post  Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:57 pm
If you allow some videos maybe you can allow some clean secular videos as rewards.
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amother




Cyan


Post  Wed, Aug 07 2019, 10:01 pm
No, there are unfortunately cases where young children have attempted suicide. I also have a relative in a medical field and she has been involved in many cases where young children ended up in the ER due to this. Maybe your therapists are not up on the latest, which is to never ignore a suicide threat.
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amother




Ginger


Post  Wed, Aug 07 2019, 10:08 pm
Yes suicide has to be taken seriously. We need to understand what is going on on a deeper level though. OP does your son usually get his way when he makes these comments? Did he often tantrum to get his way as a youngster? Some children can be very manipulative, yes keep an eye on your child and get him help if needed, but don't feed into his manipulation and get stuck in this.
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Jewishfoodie




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Aug 07 2019, 10:25 pm
OP, if this is your child, the word suicide is a red flag. Red flags should never be ignored. No one ever wants to say "I wish I had believed him."

Professional help is actually your obligation. A real professional. Who has a degree. And can offer assistance.

To address the movie stuff...

About a week ago, there was a lovely mother posting about finding an appropriate seminary for her child. This child was on a different path than she was but her only goal was to place the girl IN THE SCHOOL THE CHILD NEEDED. You need to raise your child according to his path.

What you are hearing is a literal cry for help. Movies does not at all equal an avairah. An abomination. An embarrassment. Movies is a VIABLE solution sometimes.

I'm not a doctor. But don't treat him wanting to watch movies as him wanting to murder puppies. And the movies do not equal his threat of suicide so something is off. Suicide is a real thing. Kids try it. I know people who succeeded. 2 who succeeded never said the word suicide. The third I have no personal info about except that he was young. I also know a terrible failed attempt. The girl wishes she succeeded because her life now is truly over in almost every sense.

I'm not preaching on a soap box. I'm terrified for your son. Please get him help at any cost.
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flmommy




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Aug 07 2019, 10:59 pm
Maybe a more modern school would be good for him. Most schools allow parents to decide what their kids watch.
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amother




Cyan


Post  Wed, Aug 07 2019, 11:46 pm
Whether or not to allow movies is something to discuss *after* this child has gotten professional help.....
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amother




Copper


Post  Wed, Aug 07 2019, 11:52 pm
Something sounds odd. Definitely get him help ASAP
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amother




Brunette


Post  Thu, Aug 08 2019, 12:10 am
I worked on a suicide prevention hotline. When a child comes up with a plan how he will kill himself, that's the time to panic.

I agree to have him professionally evaluated. I wouldn't give in on the movies but get him support.
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amother




OP


Post  Thu, Aug 08 2019, 12:24 am
Thanks for the advice about addictions. Yes he is manipulative. Yes he is in pain. He has ADHD and a bit on the spectrum. Child of divorce. Under 12.
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grace413




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 08 2019, 3:51 am
amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

She believes that it actually is an addiction. The child's brain is overwhelmed for whatever reason (can be abuse, pandas, trauma) and watching puts the brain in a state where it does not have to think, it's not bombarded with danger warnings, it's not in fight or flight mode. It's almost like a hypnotic trance which makes the child feel good.

When the child can not watch, he reverts back to his state of pain. It's constant, overwhelming, and impossible to bear.


Interesting. However the OP is allowing Jewish movies. Wouldn't that satisfy the child's brain's needs?
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