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Lifelines this week in Mishpacha

 
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amother




OP


Post  Sat, Sep 07 2019, 10:12 pm
I read lifelines this week and feel like really applied to me. I'm desperately looking for a coach to guide me how to connect to my children and how to deal with triggers. I give a lot of love, attention, hugs & kisses to my children but I feel the emotional connection is missing. Anyone has any references? Rather over telephone if possible. Or in Lakewood area Thx!!
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riks




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Sep 07 2019, 10:24 pm
Why don't you email mishpacha and try to connect with woman the story was about? It seems like she helps people in that situation
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amother




Saddlebrown


Post  Sat, Sep 07 2019, 11:56 pm
I read the article and came away confused. She said she was different than her mother and connected with her children. Then she says that only after admitting her past she had better understanding...What did I miss?
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amother




Silver


Post  Sun, Sep 08 2019, 4:43 am
I think she said she didn't think she would be like her mother, because she saw growing up she was very maternal, but once she actually had children she ended up behaving very similarly to her mother and couldn't connect with her kids until she went for help.
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amother




Slateblue


Post  Sun, Sep 08 2019, 4:49 am
Reading that article reminded me so much of my mother. She was always so caring and freely giving when it came to love. Apparently. But her chesed to the community always came first and she didn't put us or our needs first. She always put herself and her chesed first.

Reminds me of that "non maternal" article in Family First that had me boiling over in rage. Yes, some people aren't so maternal, and they have a hard time connecting to their kids but SORRY. Connecting to your kids and giving to their emotional side ENDLESSLY and putt their emotional needs ALWAYS first is as crucial as doing the same for their physical needs. Just as you wake up so many times to feed them in middle of the night, yes you need to wake up and console preschoolers as many times. Having a kid is about being selfless.

If you be selfish when having a kid it will kill them.
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amother




Ginger


Post  Sun, Sep 08 2019, 5:03 am
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:
Reading that article reminded me so much of my mother. She was always so caring and freely giving when it came to love. Apparently. But her chesed to the community always came first and she didn't put us or our needs first. She always put herself and her chesed first.

Reminds me of that "non maternal" article in Family First that had me boiling over in rage. Yes, some people aren't so maternal, and they have a hard time connecting to their kids but SORRY. Connecting to your kids and giving to their emotional side ENDLESSLY and putt their emotional needs ALWAYS first is as crucial as doing the same for their physical needs. Just as you wake up so many times to feed them in middle of the night, yes you need to wake up and console preschoolers as many times. Having a kid is about being selfless.

If you be selfish when having a kid it will kill them.

Guess someone should take my kids back.

I'm selfish sometimes. "Always" and "never" are not good words in parenting. Perfect parents don't produce happy kids.
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amother




Slateblue


Post  Sun, Sep 08 2019, 5:20 am
amother [ Ginger ] wrote:
Guess someone should take my kids back.

I'm selfish sometimes. "Always" and "never" are not good words in parenting. Perfect parents don't produce happy kids.


You're right.
I'm just very passionate about the topic. But of course, it's not neglectful for a mom to go out once a week or month with friends, with DH, go on vacation for a week and leave the kids by the grandparents. Moms needs are important too. But 90 percent of the time kids come first. Moms needs come when they sleep.
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amother




Chartreuse


Post  Sun, Sep 08 2019, 7:05 am
And what about when giving one kid what they need takes away from giving the others what they need?
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behappy2




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 08 2019, 10:50 am
I think we need to have a forum rule that you can only respond if you are not emotionally triggered. All the extreme responses are really getting to me....its really not fair to everyone else.
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amother




Ruby


Post  Sun, Sep 08 2019, 12:34 pm
The lifelines stories are all made up. theyre not true.
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amother




Wine


Post  Sun, Sep 08 2019, 12:43 pm
amother [ Ruby ] wrote:
The lifelines stories are all made up. theyre not true.


What's your basis for this?

Sometimes the narrator invites readers to contact him or her through the magazine. Is that also made up?
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LovesHashem




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 08 2019, 1:28 pm
amother [ Ruby ] wrote:
The lifelines stories are all made up. theyre not true.


Sorry not true, I've personally met the writer under her real name and spoken to her.

Unless you know some extra juicy loshon hora about her deep dark secrets, writing the lifelines is a very hard grueling job, interviewing people for hours, multiple editing so the people involved are comfortable with it, etc. She cut back the column because it was so intense to every other week.

There's actually been 3 or 4 lifelines stories that I know the person who went through them. 2 had pretty obvious identifying details, one included a picture even of a document that had the authors name very small and smudged in (I recognized it since I knew the author and the story)
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hoboken




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 08 2019, 1:47 pm
I read that lifelines and I really disagree that the root of all problems in kids under 7 is their relationship with their mother. I took my oldest to a therapist cuz of anxiety and they told me it’s my fault and I need to learn how to play with him (im a stay at home mom and spent the entire day playing with him). I think everyone loves to blame the mom when really some kids are just hardwired to be difficult.
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cnc




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 08 2019, 1:48 pm
amother [ Ruby ] wrote:
The lifelines stories are all made up. theyre not true.


I know someone personally that had their story written up (with identifying details changes).
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amother




Aqua


Post  Sun, Sep 08 2019, 1:50 pm
I know the writer of lifelines and her family, her stories are all true.
I’ve been able to identify a few stories, even with the names and locations changed.
Please don’t say hotzaas Shem ra with no proof.
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Laiya




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 08 2019, 2:22 pm
amother [ Ruby ] wrote:
The lifelines stories are all made up. theyre not true.


This is a very serious allegation about a magazine, that it's publishing fiction and claiming it's non-fiction
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Mama Bear




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 08 2019, 2:48 pm
I bh got a lot of love from my mother (along with unhealthy doses of anxiety, enmeshment, manipulative/controlling behavior which I'm working on not to repeat... but that's another story), so I can't relate to that part, but I can definitely relate to the part of not being able to handle my kids' tantrums bc immediately it makes me feel like a failure of a mother and that something must be wrong with me that I can't handle my own kids.
so reading this piece was so helpful.
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delicious




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 08 2019, 2:53 pm
I found the last two paragraphs beautiful, as well as a direct contradiction to the earlier maternal article. While the article implied that maternal meant loving to hug, or read stories, or bake cookies with your children, this one explored the idea that maternal is different for each one of us moms, and the key to exploring that is first to have a sense of self.
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amother




Silver


Post  Sun, Sep 08 2019, 3:04 pm
amother [ Ruby ] wrote:
The lifelines stories are all made up. theyre not true.


Completely false statement.
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