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ADHD son stealing
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Sep 10 2019, 1:59 pm
My ADHD 11 year old is stealing money to buy treats.
We have caught him a few times and he always admits it but he can't seem to stop. His excuse is that all his friends buy nosh every day, which obviously is not true.
He is also gaining tons of weight and is very chubby.
We spoke to a parenting expert who said to ignore it and lock up our money and he will outgrow it.
We try to remember to keep our money locked up but invariably, I leave my purse out or something and he ends up taking.
Any tried and true advice?
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mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 10 2019, 2:03 pm
He sounds very impulsive. Is he medicated?
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amother




Wine
 

Post  Tue, Sep 10 2019, 2:31 pm
I so feel your pain - all I can offer is topray for you. Hate to hijack this thread - suffering with the same and DS is 14. It's getting progressively worse. Any ideas more than welcome. It's been such a struggle... My son wasn't diagnosed and isn't willing to meet anyone.
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 10 2019, 2:36 pm
Is it possible for you to stop carrying cash, and pay for things with a credit or debit card?

Also, does he have a way to get money other than stealing? Allowance or job?

Would it work to sit at a calm time, say that you understand the temptation, but it's your job as parent to help him control his yetzer hara? Maybe the two of you could generate a list of household jobs he could do to pay back any pilfering. But he can get double that rate if he asks and does the work beforehand.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Sep 10 2019, 3:04 pm
mha3484 wrote:
He sounds very impulsive. Is he medicated?


Yes, he is on Ritalin. And yes he is impulsive.
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amother




Pink
 

Post  Tue, Sep 10 2019, 3:59 pm
Meet with a therapist to work on impulse control.
Ritalin wears off. He could use a non stimulant medication that helps with impulsivity. Those are generally for 24 hours.
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mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 10 2019, 4:01 pm
I agree with Pink. My son is on guanfacine to reduce impulsive behavior and it helps him a lot.

Therapy also helps him.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Sep 10 2019, 6:16 pm
What kind of therapist?
Do you know of one in Jerusalem?
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amother




Jetblack
 

Post  Wed, Sep 11 2019, 6:47 am
Can you give him the opportunity to earn candy from you? If he's going to get the extra calories anyway (whether you give them or he steals them), better from you. This way you can put some limit on it (even if it's more than what he should be having) and he will have less temptation to steal.

Is his dose of Ritalin high enough? Can your doctor add guanfacine?

Spoken as the mom of kid who has adhd and used to steal. I really sympathize.
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amother




Aubergine
 

Post  Sat, Nov 02 2019, 8:05 pm
My son (9) is also on Ritalin and steals money or sometime candy from the store. The problem is that sugar makes him go crazy, did you find a solution that helped you?
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amother




Ruby
 

Post  Sat, Nov 02 2019, 8:53 pm
imasinger wrote:
Is it possible for you to stop carrying cash, and pay for things with a credit or debit card?

Also, does he have a way to get money other than stealing? Allowance or job?

Would it work to sit at a calm time, say that you understand the temptation, but it's your job as parent to help him control his yetzer hara? Maybe the two of you could generate a list of household jobs he could do to pay back any pilfering. But he can get double that rate if he asks and does the work beforehand.


Ds 19 with ADHD did exactly the same when he was younger and yes he has outgrown it b"H by now.
It is a challenging phase and try to keep all cash out of sight, maybe contactless cards too as I know that some kids will steal cards too....

if he admits it maybe best is to give him an allowance and he will need to budget too
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amother




Aubergine
 

Post  Sat, Nov 02 2019, 8:57 pm
I try to hide all cash but he always finds money somewhere. He sometimes steals from the grocery (jewish)(so no money needed)
And when they catch him and call me it is very embarassing...
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amother




Slateblue
 

Post  Sat, Nov 02 2019, 9:01 pm
I don't have adhd and I did the same. For years I would steal money from my parents for junk food or would steal the junk food. It wouldn't have helped to hide the money, I would find other ways to find the money. Yes I outgrew it. For me personally it would have helped if I had some sort of allowance, a fair amount, not the 25 cents that I used to get on condition I'd tidy my room..
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amother




Slategray
 

Post  Sat, Nov 02 2019, 9:11 pm
My 11 yo DS also steals. Not cash, but he puts stuff on our grocery account without permission. We've changed account number many times and he still manages. We give him personal allowance but he doesn't wanna use his money for these items. We also constantly find nosh wrappers under his pillow or bed. The problem with him is that he denies it! He claims we are choshed him for no reason!
Our son is on Adderall and Guanfacine.
Our 8 yo DS steals random worthy items from peoples property and denies it. He claims he "just found it on the street."
I agree, it's a tough battle.


Last edited by amother on Sat, Nov 02 2019, 11:21 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Aubergine
 

Post  Sat, Nov 02 2019, 9:41 pm
My son is on Ritalin. He also always "finds" things
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hesha




 
 
 
 

Post  Sat, Nov 02 2019, 10:34 pm
so painful. can he somehow earn money from you, either allowance or jobs that you pay him for, so he feels less of a need to steal
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amother




Seagreen
 

Post  Sun, Nov 03 2019, 1:28 am
In same boat. My 15 year old has this issue ... hope he outgrows it. We caught him many times so hope was a lesson for him that he cant hide his stealing , ppl come to figure out more then ds knows or expects.
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amother




Slateblue
 

Post  Sun, Nov 03 2019, 4:46 am
However many times I was caught it never taught me a lesson. It just taught me to be more sneaky and secretive in how I got what I wanted..
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amother




Aubergine
 

Post  Sun, Nov 03 2019, 7:09 am
I also stole sometimes as a child, but he's been doing it for 2 years+
I tried to let him earn money also. My problem is also that when he eats lots of sugar, he totally flips out
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malky800




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Nov 10 2019, 10:07 pm
I have the same problem with candy with my kid. He is 11 now . It's been going on at least since at least he was 8 and I have absolutely no idea what to do.
All the nosh in my house is under lock and key cabinet. If I leave the key out by mistake, he will ransack it. He takes from the coffee station at the local Kollel. I can't say what he is taking from the kids in the class, because he claims he doesn't take from other kids, but he is also the world's biggest liar.

It's a non stop problem, and he totally lies about it, even though I always find the wrappers .
We tried giving him nosh slowly a bit when he says he has an impulse to steal, but it did not stop the problem in any way.

At this point he became such a liar that we decided as a parenting thing, we are going to ignore whatever is not dangerous and pretend we didn't see. It's not worth fighting over it because we aren't getting anywhere. The whole situation just makes my husband really upset and nervous.

Tonight, I was cleaning up my kids room and by mistake I noticed a wrapper sticking out from under his mattress. I picked it up and there was a humongous stash of wrappers. And it was all from the Halloween candy we bought after Halloween when it went on sale. Somehow he must have found my keys hiding place.
I was so perturbed, I got my husband. I told him before he got into the room, that we aren't going to punish my kid, because that we already decided. But I just wanted him to see.

My husband got so mad, he yelled at my kid. He went back into our room and smashed at our punching bag (that we keep for this purpose).
Now I feel bad. Should I maybe just kept it to myself and not told my husband?
Would you keep it from your husband?
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